Post # 1
As my destination wedding draws nearer (it’s in the US, but everyone will be flying and booking hotels, etc.) – one thing I’ve reallized is that there’s pretty much 3 categories of guests:
a) People that really want to be there and will move heaven and earth to make sure that they try their hardest to be at your special day. People in this category have really surprised us. They have new babies, run companies (and in some cases, companies with thousands of people), live in different countries that require them to fly days. These people in fact, should have the biggest/best excuses not to come, but they come because they know it’s important and they love you and want to be there.
b) People that really want to come (or maybe don’t want to come as much :)), but can’t because they have a young family/not in a good financial situation/you’re not as close/they have other plans/obligations – I understand and still really appreciate this group for thinking of us. These people decline gracefully.
c) People who think “who do you think you are for having a DW”. I’ve had a few people, mind you, just a few, not only decline, but send snarky remarks, like “you sent the invite too late” or “who is ACTUALLY going?” or “oh? that was your invite? i thought it was a junk flyer” (when I know through other channels that they actually opened it and read it). I’ve actually been surprised and a bit taken aback by the nastiness of some of these. Although thinking back, not completely surprised at who they came from.
Other Destination Wedding bees have similar reactions?
Post # 3
@MissMeowMeow: I’m not having a Destination Wedding, but have people actually responded to you like category 3? That is so incredibly rude!
Post # 4
@MissMeowMeow: I’m having my Destination Wedding in Anna Maria Island, near Tampa. My uncle and aunt and their kids have known about it for over a year, but had already talked about going to Florida to Disney this summer (but nothing was booked until november, 2 months after my STD’s and about 6 months after they found out from my mom) They are going to be in Orlando for two weeks (which is about an hour and a half away from the wedding) and are acting like my wedding is ruining their vacation. I don’t even like them and wish they wouldn’t come if it’s such a hastle.
Post # 5
@MlleFabuleux: Yeah, it’s so bizarre. And then they’d do the scoff laugh thing. I’m like – well, I was being gracious by inviting you, no one HAS to come… (and thinking in my head “you crazy $&#@s”).
Post # 6
I’ve found the only people in category three live the closest and have the most money/time/ability to come. It’s incredible. :/
Post # 7
i have a few family members that I’m sure will give me a hard time about the fact that my wedding is in my current home not my ‘natural’ home. We looked at it, no matter where the wedding is 75% of the list has to travel, we decided that where we live, the biggest city of them all that has to most potential for vacation activities around the wedding for those travelling (and the most convenient for us) was the best place. My dad’s sister is definitely going to complain about travel, his other sister said we should get married somewhere warm so she can make the most of the vacation (this is what she said when i told her we’re engaged…)
people are a**holes when they want to be, plain and simple.
Post # 8
Having a wedding shines a bright light on the people in your life; some have unexpected sparkle, and some turn out to be much smaller than they always seemed.
Post # 9
We’re having a semi-destination like you. My mom told me “Well you could have held it somewhere closer. You know a lot of people won’t make it.”
We live in WA, she lives in Idaho, and the wedding is in CA. None of which are very far to travel in the grand scheme of things.
Fiance and I are from CA but moved to WA 4 years ago so we’re actually doing most of the traveling. I kinda wanted to tell my mom to get on a plane or don’t but where we’re holding the wedding isn’t really her business.
Post # 10
@Equine_Breeder: Exactly! Strange, isn’t it? One of the bad is the one that probably lives the closest out of anyone and is a very highly paid doctor
@Cecilia37: Yes! The good more than outweighs the bad. I’m almost brought to tears by some of the people that have made an effort. One especially almost is a celebrity (she’s on the news a lot, has her own security team) and she’s made almost like no fuss – like RSVPing on time, being super gracious, making sure to let us know what she can and can not be there for and when she’ll let us know for sure. That’s class.
Post # 11
Those negative nancys would probably be that way even if it wasn’t a Destination Wedding. Take comfort in that – it’s them, not you. Which you already know anyway.
Post # 12
Ignore everyone in category #3. You have to realise that people will complain no matter what. My wedding was held in the SAME CITY as all of our guests but I heard so many complaints about the fact it was so far (a 45 minute drive from their homes) and why couldn’t it be held at X venue. Why do I have to be so fancy etc etc. There is no pleasing these people no matter what you do
Post # 13
@star_dust: @Cyri: That’s a very good point (about them probably being the same way even if it wasn’t a Destination Wedding….)
Post # 14
@MissMeowMeow: Oh my gosh, and here I had people telling me I was just imagining things. I have a destination cruise wedding scheduled for June 2014 on Royal Caribbean. I purposely sent out my wedding invitations 14 months in advance to make sure that everyone that wanted to go could work their finances. I’ve dealt with everything from people who are like “Sweet, I need a vacation–see you there!”, people who just honestly don’t like cruises (Thanks Carnival) and have graciously declined, people who just can’t work their finances (Thanks Economy) and have graciously declined without any further discussion, and then there’s the straight up nasty ones that have left me wondering WTF just happened – did you just unload all of your drama on me and alleged that I purposely did this so you (and other family members – Thanks FMIL) can’t go and that its my fault that you made the decisions in your life that preclude you from saving $11 per day for 12 months to enable you and your significant other to travel on a cruise for a week (~$4000, interior cabin for 2 with roundtrip flight and some spending cash)?
I think the most hurtful of the last bunch is the ones that were present in wedding planning version 1.0 – Backyard/Local wedding and knew out the gate the wedding was going to be upwards of $27K and said “thats too much money, why don’t you guys elope or do something smaller if you don’t want to go into debt?”
Needless to say, what’s keeping me calm is running the numbers and remembering how achievable, financially, the trip is so long as people weren’t already living beyond their means. Also, I repeat the mantra of “people make time for whats’s important to them.” No, this doesn’t apply for the true “gracious decliners” but it helps when I think about the people who feel the need to unload on me.
I completely understand and respect that everyone has other priorities and my wedding is not the center of their world. But whatever happened to just smiling, saying “congrats”, and not guilting the bride for having the wedding SHE wants?
Post # 15
We had Destination Wedding wedding in the Philippines with more than half the guests flying in from US. We sent our our invitations (totally skipped save the dates) as early as 10 months ahead to make sure guests have time to plan. Almost half of the invited guests weren’t able to go, but those dearest to us made sure they’ll be there without any complain, they wouldn’t miss it for the world.
I think with that situation, you’ll realize who really matters to you and who really values you in return. You’ll for sure have a great wedding without the people in category #3, so just ignore them 🙂
Post # 16
@MissMeowMeow: We are also having a Destination Wedding, and I cannot believe the things that come outta people’s mouths! How incredibley rude. One thing I have come across, is that *some* people are just coming for the vacation aspect. Of course, we only invited close family and friends, with a few exceptions to be polite and not cause family drama. I have a feeling one couple isn’t coming because they dont like another couple that is coming. We cant please everyone.