What Just Happened??? So Hurt And Frustrated.

posted 3 months ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
10456 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

fromatoz :  

I have been a stepparent.  To teenagers.  And I am a stepparent right now.

Post # 78
Member
715 posts
Busy bee

For the record I’m a mom and a step-mom of grown children (step-mom since mid teens) and I also work with older teenagers/ young adults. 

Why is it on this site if you express an opinion others don’t want to hear it’s suddenly denounced as judgmental? My posts in this thread have focused on concern for the daughter’s well being and also the OP’s. I truly don’t have a good view of her fiance at all and my opinion was formed by OP’s own words. If my opinion of OP’s fiance is ‘harsh’, it’s out of worry for her daughter and the unsettling feeling I have about the fiance. Of course I’d love to be wrong (for the sake of OP and her daughter) but I do stand by everything I wrote. 

Post # 79
Member
92 posts
Worker bee

Parenting adult children (over 18) is one one of the most challenging tasks ever even for biological parents. When you add the role of hte stepparent it becomes more complicated. When you are dating it is easy to have a good relationship with someone’s child. Is he panicing because you are going to be married shortly and he will have to deal with your daughter all of the time. Does he have experience with children of his own? Has he ever had a chance to go with you to see your daughter’s therapist? He may have unrealistic expectations of what his role is as a stepparent. Many husbands see their wives as being too easy on their kids while they see their own role as more of a disciplinarian. I would explore this further even if it means postponing your wedding a bit. Your daughter could be living with you for many more years. You have to be on the same team. Right now I think you are stuck in the middle between your fiancee and daughter. Also, if you have been a single parent for a long time, it may be difficult for you to  accept parenting advice or criticism from someone else. Your relationship with your fiancee may be sold between you but you are not just a couple. You are a family with other members. 

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