What made you decide to elope instead of a small wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Elopement
Post # 16
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2018

We decided on a destination wedding because my fiance wanted his mom there – that’s pretty much the only reason. Now we’re both regretting not eloping. We’ve looked into cancelling the destination wedding but paying people their deposits back would cost more than actually having the wedding.

I’m also not one to like talking in front of groups, especially not sappy stuff. However, we’re staying clear of the cake cutting, garder, etc. Still wish we eloped though.

Do what you think you’ll be happiest with

Post # 17
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I would’ve eloped if Fiance had been on board but he wanted his family there so now we are having a tiny wedding, inviting 13 people. We’re getting married in a family member’s back yard and then having a lunch at a restaurant.

Post # 18
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

We decided on elopement for many reasons… a big wedding isn’t us as a couple. We hate being centre of attention – our engagement party was enough for us. We were also beginning to get pressure from my Future Mother-In-Law about who should be invited to the wedding, which was causing stress. Of course there’s the financial and practical sides of things. We’re trying to save for a house, and really can’t be buggered flitting around with minor details that are ultimately not going to matter in the long run.

 

All in all, it came down to the reduced stress factor, and that it is kind of awesome having this secret that only my Fiance and I know about. Our marriage is exactly that – a marriage between him and I. We are committing our lives to one another, and doing that in a way that makes us feel happy and at peace. We’re looking forward to it, and we’re even looking forward to taking the parentals out to tea afterwards to let them know 🙂

Post # 19
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

We actually did everything backwards. We have our Careers, our child and our house. We also moved out of our state miles and miles away from our family and friends. So, to have a wedding would mean an ultra exclusive place. My Grandmother had nice children. Other than my mom and 3 of her sisters having 2 children each, the rest of her brothers and sister had at minimum 5 kids. Then, all of these kids are grown with their own kids (which is a lot). Then, not to mention other family members and friends…between my fiance and I, we were looking at 200 plus people. When you tallied up the costs, we were looking at 20,000. We both looked at each other and said hell no. That money could go towards the mortgage or our child. It is not that we can not afford to do it but why spend on that matter on one day. We just could not wrap our minds around it.

Eloping is the best option for us but make sure this is what you want to do. We are in our late 30’s and our parents just want us to get married and could care less whether it is a wedding or a civil marriage. We plan to have a cake, photographer, videographer and a lovely dinner for our witnesses. We will also be renting a cabin in the mountains for a couple of days. This is all we need. Our child and mortgage is priority to us. However, again, this is something that you have to want. Make sure that you weigh all option first.

 

 

Post # 20
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

We want it to be about us. No hassle, no fuss and low cost.

 

Post # 21
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I have so many reason to elope… 

– I am way to cheap to pay for it. I am to cheap to spent a huge amount of money on people I don’t care for in the first place just to hear how aaaaamazing the wedding was.

It’s not about money in the first place. The wedding and honeymoon have a huge budget but I prefer spending the money on us! After all this is about us getting married.

– I looked into weddings. No way I am going through this stress. I had enough stress for 3 weeks planing the elopement. I’d had died doing this for a year. 

– my friends and parents and family couldn’t make it anyways. 

– This is going to be our day. My fiancé’s and mine. Not someone else’s day. I don’t need to worry about someone else’s well being or their opinion. 

This said I am getting my dream wedding. We are going to elope to Maui. I have a beautiful dress. I have beautiful rings (which unlike the wedding will be with me forever). I won’t have blisters and aching feet because I will be barefoot. I will have a mixed Hawaiian-jewish wedding ceremony on the beach. I can get married on the day and date we like best. I won’t have to concentrate on anything else but on getting married to the man of my life. and afterwards i get to enjoy my honeymoon right away. 

Post # 22
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2018

We both don’t really have family and we want it to be about us. 

Post # 23
Member
382 posts
Helper bee

For me, wedding decisions are wedding decisions regardless of how many people attend. While some choices are simplified (like the guest list), arrangements must still be made for food, drinks, decorations, flowers, time lines, etc.  What has to be done for the small party versus the big party is merely a matter of scale with the same time commitment and stress.  Just the two of us eloping involves different planning, but there is no real stress or drama.  

Post # 24
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

We wanted to elope for many reasons, including wanting it to be just about us, not wanting a big fuss, financial, family beef…

Although we’ve now ended up inviting two friends as witnesses (for various reasons), and two parents may also end up coming. I’m not sure how I feel about it. It doesn’t involve much more planning and we’re still doing exactly what we want, but there was something really wonderful about the idea of it just being us, and no one else. So I feel a little bit conflicted right now. 

Post # 25
Member
34 posts
Newbee

I know this thread is old, but I wanted to chime in too.  I’m also almost engaged and we’ll be getting married at the courthouse with just the two of us and my teenage daughter.  I have never wanted the big wedding – when I was in high school I used to tell my parents that when the time came to get married I was going to fly out to Vegas and get married by an Elvis impersonator – HA!  Now 20+ years later that’s not exactly what I want to do (lol) but I’m still all about the private ceremony.  My parents won’t care as they have always been expecting this.  I suppose his mom and his oldest sister and maybe his nieces might be a little bummed, but we’re not going to do something we’d hate just for two other people.  I’m very introverted and have horrible social anxiety, and he is not too social himself.  Having an actual wedding would be torture for me.  Even if we just invited our small families. (Not to mention his other sister used to be a (not close but still) friend of mine and once he and I got together she flipped and was super duper mean and it’s still really awkward four years later and she definitely would not be happy for us as she’s generally a pretty miserable person in general).  Last summer I planned out in my head different scenarios for having our parents and siblings there, but even planning it in my head made me unbelievably stressed!  So elopement all the way for us.  

Post # 26
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

Make it your own! Elopement/small wedding a ton of my brides are doing a vow/ring exchange with their closest friends and family and then having a party to celebrate after at a local Airbnb win win ! 

Post # 27
Member
1597 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

Hi, we’re “eloping” this August. It is planned and not a secret so I don’t know at what point it’s a true elopement. We already had a trip to Scotland and Ireland planned for this summer so we just decided to get married while we’re there! 

Neither of us is into weddings: the hassle, the attention, etc. We also just bought a new house so our budget is limited. We decided to put $ towards a two-night stay at a castle in Scotland that includes a wedding for two package. We then go to Ireland for what I guess is now or honeymoon! No one in our families is surprised; they know us well. 

Post # 28
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Aspen, CO

We just really wanted the day and wedding to be about us. Even at a small wedding you’re trying to please others which makes it more difficult to be present. We had the two of us with a preacher and photographer. We let our photographer pick the location and changed it from our original plan the day before based on her recommendation. When the ceremony was over and the pictures were taken we came back to the hotel room and order a ton of room service/champagne then just relaxed. It was the most perfect day and I’m so glad we didn’t have to deal with anyone else. 

Post # 29
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2017

View original reply
jonasbutterfly :  We eloped in December after calling off a small wedding we had planned last summer. We have family members scattered all over the country and lots of drama to come with. In the end we decided it felt forced and an extremely stressful process to please everyone. My husband and I have also been together a very long time so it didn’t seem all that important to many people in the first place. 

 

We tried getting out our parents to join us on our international elopement but that didn’t work out either. It turned out to just be us two and it was an absolutely PERFECT day (and two week honeymoon). I couldn’t have imagined it any other way! 

Post # 30
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Well first of all I don’t think I like anyone enough to spent that amount (any amount for that matter) of money on them. I don’t like anyone enough to feel the need to impress them with a wedding. I don’t feel that I like anyone enough to feel the need to have them present on OUR day and to worry about anyone else but us. 

It was not about not beeing able to afford a small or big or gigantic wedding. It was not about needing the money for something else like a house (owning one is my personal nightmare) or vacation (go on one all the time when we feel like it). I simply didn’t want to spent money on a wedding and worry about “stuff”  

Then we also would have had a logistics problem. His friends and family couldn’t come to my neck of the woods, my family and friends couldn’t come to his neck of the woods. My neck of the woods was also out of the question due to way to much paperwork.

My mother was totally in on the elopement idea and I certainly didn’t care what Future Mother-In-Law thought (I really like her, no misunderstandings please! But why would I take anyone’s opinion into account? It’s OUR wedding. Also she doesn’t care anyways). 

i wanted a beach wedding so we chose Hawaii. Nobody would make it there anyways.

And Fiance is just happy that there was no spending 5k on flowers or days of choosing plates that match the chairs. 

No drama! I planned the whole thing in less than 3 days.

We are getting the wedding of our dreams. White dress, some flowers, the beach at sunset and just the two of us.

18 days to go!!! 

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