(Closed) What made you decide to elope???

posted 5 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@rosegoldie:  What about a Destination Wedding but with your immediate family only?  Make it kind of like a family vacation?  Allow for a few days prior to make a fun vacation out of it, then after the wedding, tell everyone see ya!  But they still got a vacation.

Are your families in the position to do a vacation like that?  Do they like the idea of going on a vacation with a wedding at the end?  I think these only work when the family actually wants to vacation at the said location.

I think I would have liked a family only wedding here in my state – like a family reunion (actually this would have been the meeting of the families).  But the families said they could not travel (also were not very interested), so the next natural choice was to elope where ever we wanted to go on an awesome vacation!  While it wasn’t our first choice, I think in the end it was actually the best choice in hindsight – absolutely no stress! 

 

Post # 4
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Reasons we eloped:

I do not like attention…we didn’t even get engaged b/c I didn’t want questions

I wanted our wedding to only be about us

I wanted a stress-free wedding

I didn’t want to have to make a guest list 

I didn’t want a shower

 

I know this is an unusual viewpoint, but I feel like a vow renewal after 10 years together deserves the big party.  At that point, I feel we will have actually accomplished something worthy of a big party as opposed to celebrating a decision we made.  This is not to say I have a problem with other people’s big weddings (I love attending them)…it just does not make sense for me.

Darling Husband would have prefered a small wedding with close family, but that was impossible for me (I’m close to too many family members), so he agreed to the elopement.

Post # 7
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ladeeeda:  Pretty much every reason you listed.  Number 2 being the biggest one — weddings seem to be about OTHER people, the family and the guests.  The more I came to realize that, the less I wanted anything to do with a wedding because I wanted to do what WE wanted to do without others’ opinions.

It was the best decision we have ever made!

Post # 8
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@rosegoldie:  If you really want to consider your family’s feelings, it would not hurt to ask and tell them your point of view.  My H always thought his mom would be devasted with a capital D and then they actually said, “We don’t blame you if you just went off and got married!”  Total shock to us.  So doesn’t hurt to just put it out there with them.

 

Another nice alternative that would be very simple – have an immediate family only wedding but then all go out to a lovely restaurant where you can get a private room.  All the work is taken care of!  Bring a cake and champagne.  i mean it’s not the big hoopla traditional style but a) they get to be there, b) they can celebrate with you, c) you don’t break the bank, d) then use all the $ you saved to go to your destination honeymoon.  I cannot see how anyone would be upset with that!  Unless you have like 15 BFFs that is…

Post # 9
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@sienna76:  agree. I’d run it by BOTH sets of parents. I brought it up once b/c i have never wanted a wedding and my mom cried.

I had no boyfriend at the time so it wan’t even a possibility but it hurt her so much I knew for me it was out of the question. For someparents the level of selfishness involved in a child eloping is a-kin to the level of selfishness in a suicide. Crazy but apparently true.

Post # 11
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@rosegoldie:  That is a good question.  I guess that would be up to you. 

 

You could bring it up really generically like, “Oh, my friend’s cousin decided to elope for her wedding and it sounds so stressfree and affordable!  Don’t you think that’d be the way to go?  Weddings should not be about using all your savings up or going into debt!”

 

There could be an intial pearl-clutching reaction, but keep the conversation going and point out all the positives.

 

Post # 13
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We had many issues with compromise at the beginning too. What I wanted and what my parents wanted were just NOT the same. We originally planned to be engaged for about three years, so we had plenty of time to think, and that helped SO MUCH!! In the first year, we went through many different plans that we were actually started to prepare for, before we all decided, “Nah, this isn’t quite right yet.” Then one day, my mom called me up and said, “Are you sure you don’t want to just go somewhere just the two of you?” As soon as we knew my parents were on board, we decided right then and there, that was it.

We get to have the wedding we want, then a few months later, my parents will have the reception for us that they want. Win-win!

It’s perfect for me, as I didn’t want people watching me saying my vows, especially friends of my parents, which I found really weird. Plus, FI’s mother is a nightmare, and now we don’t have to see her that day. She’ll be pissed when we tell her afterward, but she is pissed about everything, so I couldn’t be happier to leave her out of it.

Post # 14
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I sort of always wanted to elope but what solidified my decision was both money and family. One side of my family likes to ruin/complicate/dramatize everything. There would be no winning with them, and it would make me despise my own wedding. I would have to invite everyone and their dog to appease them, and if I didn’t I wouldn’t hear the end of it until I died.

My mom would probably try to put me in the middle of trying to get into a fight with my dad, would try to insist that my step-dad should walk me down the aisle, would get my grandma and aunts involved, and it would be hell. If it isn’t all about her it isn’t happening. 

It’s going to be him and I and one friend each. What we want, when we want, how we want, no negativity. With friends who will support us even if we wanted to get married in clown outfits. 

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