What made you realize you should elope?

posted 2 years ago in DIY
Post # 2
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

We chose to do a very small ceremony on the beach, with 5 guests. Then had a casual BBQ a week later with everyone else.

I had a meltdown a few nights before as my dad (who I am not very close with) gave me a lot of guilt over not being invited to the ceremony, which broke my heart. I was frustrated because we initially planned to elope, and more and more people seemed to be getting on the list. I eventually said screw it, and invited my dad and my brother to come. Both ended up not coming in the end anyways…

Now that everything is done, my meltdown feels so pathetic. It really wasnt worth stressing over. Invite whoever you want (if anyone at all!) and do what makes you happy. The BBQ event made everyone else happy in the end too. 🙂

Post # 3
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

with my first wedding I read somewhere online “nobody cares as much about your wedding as you do”- and I realized the people in my life were lackluster about it all. So it didn’t make sense to waste money on a big party for them when I could be spending it on myself.

Post # 4
Member
5049 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

*Raises Hand – People Pleaser Right Here*

Soon after becoming engaged I began planning a large 130 person local wedding to be held in the Greek Orthodox Church followed by reception because this is what people wanted, this is what was expected of me.  Not only did this not feel right, it was causing stress and I knew would put us into great debt.  So I compromised with Fiance on a small destination wedding with 30 people which still was going to cost a good amount.  I put down deposits, planned away and 5 months out decided to post pone the wedding.  It was not right for me.

We are now eloping next month at San Francisco City Hall and I feel at peace with this.

I would recommend making a solid decision on what you want before putting deposits down.  That is my one regret.

Post # 5
Member
1062 posts
Bumble bee

Darling Husband and I were both married before and had the big weddings. This time around we wanted to do something small meaning CLOSE family and maybe a few friends. When I say close family I mean people who you actually see and talk to on a regular basis, not the randon cousins you see or hear from once every 10yrs. Well during planning Mother-In-Law insisted we get married in HER church otherwise it wasn’t going to be a “real” marrige. We met with the priest and for me it didn’t feel right as I’m not Catholic and there was likely issues the church may not want to marry us anyway. 

Mother-In-Law decided on her own she was going to make her guest list and confirm all addresses for the wedding. Her list included ALL of her family, random cousins included. Darling Husband isn’t close with his aunts/uncles or cousins. I however have 3 cousins and 1 aunt I’m very close with. We felt even if we tried to keep it to close family, Mother-In-Law would be pissed my aunt was there and none of her sisters were there. With her guest list we would be looking at well over 100ppl, not including friends. 

His family was making it about them and ignoring our wishes. Then his mother insisted if we weren’t going to have a big wedding that we must host a HUGE party. Um NO!

We decided one day that the next week we were going to the courthouse, just us and we did. 😉 

Post # 6
Member
1937 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Wow. Here it is, my time to pass on the advice from the huge mistake I made earlier this year.

Other posters are right. If you want to elope, you know you’re a people pleaser and may end up with a wedding that you didn’t want to please everyone else, while making yourself unhappy, and you’re worried about budget/money. ELOPE!

Post # 7
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

wish I had eloped. My ILs ruined wedding planning for me and ruined my actual wedding with their obnoxious behaviour.

Post # 8
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee

The obnoxiously huge price tag on everything!!!! I had the money, but paying that much just makes me gag! I previously planned a wedding for 30 guests. The total bill was still going to be $7K!!! To me, that’s nuts! Sorry, but I’d rather use that on an elaborate honeymoon!! We ended up breaking up. But now I’m with a new guy and we’ve decided to go to San Francisco City Hall with immediate family and close friends. Sooo much nicer on the wallet and we can spend more money on our honeymoon!

Post # 10
Member
5049 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

jonasbutterfly :  I believe you can have up to 6 guests.  You would need at least 1 witness.  We have asked our photographer to be our witness as we have no one else in attendance.

You need to book 2 appointments.  First appointment is to pick up your marriage license and you need to do this at least 1 hour out from the ceremony. Second appointment is the actual ceremony.  They book ceremonies every 1/2 hour.  Week days and mornings are quiet in comparison to other days of the week.

http://sfgov.org/countyclerk/marriage-civil-ceremony

 

Post # 11
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I wish I had eloped. It would have been so much more our style lol. 

Post # 12
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

jonasbutterfly :  You can save yourself a lot of grief by making that decision before you announce your engagement to everyone. We eloped but we didn’t officially decide until long after we were engaged. Everyone assumed we were having a traditional wedding and started giving their opinions and ideas before we even had a chance to think about what we wanted. I’m not even kidding, the day after we got engaged we stopped at his parents house to tell them the news and his mother hands us a “gift certificate” for a photographer for our wedding. Quick gripe, this was for a friend of hers who is a ….. hobby baby photographer. My own mother started researching and inquiring to venues without any input from me. This behavior helped steer us towards eloping. When we finally decided to elope people were definitely disappointed because they had already emotionally invested in the idea of a wedding. I think if you make your decision before anyone else can weigh in, they have less power to pursuade you. You can let them know what you’ve decided when you break the engagement news and be sure to exude excitement and confidence in your decision. 

Post # 13
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee

j9marie :  We plan to do the same thing, but have immediate family & a few close friends present. Please post photos and details on here after your elopement!!!!

jonasbutterfly :  You can only have 6 guests (not including bride, groom, photographer and judge). BUT, I’ve also read that as long as your group is still small and they’re not being obnoxious, the judges won’t turn away guests. So we’re planning on bringing about 8-10 people.

Post # 14
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

100% truth – I wish this wedding wasn’t happening. Aside from seeing my parents and uncle who live out of state I’m not even slightly excited about it anymore. Last couple weeks have started turning into a stressful sh*t show and the other half is annoying the hell out of me bc he doesn’t want to plan or actually do anything yet screws up what I accomplish by throwing wrenches in left and right. The only thing I’m looking forward to is our honeymoon! So if you don’t think a wedding is for you then elope. Don’t plan squat, don’t put deposits down and don’t tell anyone unless you decide to have a tiny, intimate wedding. 

Post # 15
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

We got engaged while on vacation out of the country. A vacation I got extremely sick on. I was sick for weeks when we returned home and then the holidays came. People were constantly asking if we set a date yet. Ummm, no, we hadn’t really given it much thought. 

We decided to set a date and begin planning mostly just so people would stop asking. I had a dream venue in mind since childhood. Once I really looked into it I could not believe the price tag. I looked into several other options, we went to a few venues, checked out a baker, etc. 

During this time I also had misgivings about our guests. We had been a couple for almost 13 years when we got engaged and I was afraid that no one (friends or family) would really care that we were getting married after so long. Plus there was an annoying issue with some family we knew we def did not want there, but that would cause trouble and hurt feelings, etc. 

Ultimately though we are just selfish people. I could not imagine spending thousands of dollars to host a full wedding for other people when we would rather spend our money on ourselves and traveling. We decided to return to Paris (the scene of the engagement and the ruined vacation due to my getting extremely sick). It will be a do-over of sorts to replace bad (sick) memories with good and also romantic imo since we were engaged there, we have also for years talked of a pie in the sky dream to retire in France, so it is very much our “thing”.

We will do the legal paperwork in the US before we leave and have a symbolic ceremony in Paris complete with an officiant, wedding dress, bouquet, photographer, chauffeur, small cake, etc. We will combine the wedding with a two week honeymoon. The weekend after we return we will have a casual BBQ type event to host friends and family. 

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