(Closed) What made you realize you should elope?

posted 3 years ago in DIY
Post # 16
9 posts
  • Wedding: August 2017

We decided to elope before we were engaged, and sometimes I wish we didn’t tell people we were engaged because people do ask immediatley “did you set a date?”  We are eloping to Italy later this month; as I’ve gotten older my priorities have changed and I have trouble paying money for things I don’t value (table linens, decorations, centrepieces, no thanks!).  My cousin spent 3 years planning a wedding, and that’s all she talked about…by the time the day came around, no one was excited to be there, and that made me sad.   I also don’t like to be the centre of attention and some traditional wedding practices make me uncomfortable. I’ve heard more wedding speeches that turn into roasts or is full of inside jokes so that no one knows what’s going on.  It’s just not for me, and thankfully not for Fiance either. We both want that day to be about us, in a way that represents our love and relationship. We’re both pretty private. Our parents know, my sister but no other family knows we’re eloping. All are supportive- my sister jokes she should send me flowers every month for all the things I’m not making her do- bridal shower, engagement party, bachelorette, etc. None of that is our style; we each lived on our own for many years and then combined our households, we don’t need anything. I also think it’s just a lot of money to spend or to ask people to spend to attend.

Our best friends are coming to Italy be our witnesses (they offered and about 3 x per week I tell them they are not obligated b/c it’s a lot to ask of people but they are amazing). We will get married a few days after we arrive, then we have 8 days of our honeymoon.    I can’t say that it’s been less stressful; there’s a lot of paperwork to do as we will get getting married in Italy, and we are planning party for our family to happen in a couple months (because we can’t get home before then).  We’ll send announcements/invitations to the party when we get back,  (it won’t be a reception, no gifts, no speeches, no formal dinner) We don’t live anywhere near home (like thousands of KMs away, Fiance is military) so logistically it would be harder to plan a traditional wedding from that far away (we are both from the same city).  

This elopement/honeymoon is cheaper than a traditional wedding, but we still have costs as we choose to wear traditional wedding attire, hire a wedding planner (to help with the paperwork and to be our required translator) and a pro photographer.  Of course if our budget was less, we would probably get married somewhere closer to where we are.  The biggest difference is that we feel we’re spending money on exactly what we want. 



Post # 17
3235 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

We eloped just the two of us. When we talked about a wedding there was no way to keep the numbers down. It was a lot of we have to invite them if we invite him. And so on… 

Post # 18
4212 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

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jonasbutterfly :  I was in your exact situation. Let me list the reasons for you! LOL We ultimately ended up coming across a great opportunity to have our wedding paid for, and we still got to have the immediate family wedding that we wanted, just a lot bigger than we envisioned. Before that all happened, we decided we would elope because:

  1. A surprise repair on the house we had just bought came up and blew my little budget ($5000 repair)
  2. My family tore my dream wedding dress apart, calling it “plain” and “boring” 
  3. My husband proposed on the beach in Jamaica and it was so romantic. We agreed that getting married on the beach, just the two of us, would be equally as amazing. 
  4. We just wanted to be married. It was never about having some huge expensive party to impress people. I was in grad school at the time barely making enough to pay for gas and groceries. My husband supported me through all of it and I’m so grateful for that. I didn’t want to save up and be engaged for forever in order to marry the love of my life when we could have put the money toward a nice trip and have a stress free ceremony. 

Best of luck with whatever you decide! Don’t lose sight of what it’s all about. My best friend had everything – the big budget, years of planning everything down to the last detail… It was beautiful, but she was totally unhappy on her big day (and for months after!) about stupid details that no one else even noticed. You have to do what’s right for you smile

Post # 19
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I eloped and cancelled the wedding I had been planning as one of my siblings who has is chronically unreliable started backing out and changing their commitment to coming to the wedding. While the day before my parent had started protesting the small guest list, that I had been very vocal about from the beginning who was invited. I was crying in my room and when my DH came in, I had the realization as we were talking that I was so unhappy planning the wedding I felt that others wanted us to have. So we stopped and planned a wedding for ourselves. Everyone was really supportive of our change of plans. When DH and I talked as time went on, we really did wish we had gone with an elopement from the get go. We were on the fence about planning a wedding when we got engaged and unfortunately had been swayed the wrong way. Now when any friends ask, I always say to elope!

Post # 20
733 posts
Busy bee

We didn’t elope exactly, but we had a less traditional wedding when just about everyone did things the same way. I admit, made a lot of people mad. THings like finding  out the dancing would be English country (historial middle ages dancing) instead of traditional waltzes. Certain people were furious when that meant they wouldn’t be able to use the dance moves they had rehersed, and didn’t understand how we could be so selfish. It’s not like our plans were a secret. Those people that were thrown by our plans  made it clear they weren’t interested in hearing about wedding planning while the decisions were being made. I still wonder how we were made out to be selfish, but go figure. 

I actually wanted to elope, and sometimes wonder if we should have with all the upset our wedding created with some family members but our wedding was fun and pretty. Many friends and family were there and loved it. We knew the way we wanted our wedding to be, and we wanted friends and well wishers with us. We just made the decision right off the bat that we would do the wedding the way we wanted, and if people wanted to come and share they were very welcome to. Though it was upsetting dealing with certain  family members reactions, friends and supportive family made the day fun and wonderful. Our wedding photographer was having so much fun, he stayed after his hired time was over to enjoy and watch the dancing. We said that was ok.  Our wedding was pretty DIY, so it wasn’t expensive as far as weddings go. Not like we spent a house down payment on it.

If you do decide to have a wedding with more people, my main suggestion is to have someone with you in your bridal room to fend off upset people comming at you. If you think eloping with a few people is best for you, then that is what you should do. I know many people that didnt elope, did what the family wanted and really regretted it later. It’s one thing to have a wedding and regret that you didn’t get the cake color you wanted or things like that because family was pushy. But Considering the average costs of a wedding is not the size of a very nice down payment on a home, that is too much to sacrifice for a wedding you are less than thrilled about. If you are in doubt, probably best to elope to a beautiful location and share the day with those that can make it. It’s hard to know the right thing to do, wondering what you’ll regret later and what you wont. Decide what is most important to you, and concentrate on what you need to make your day your dream.



Post # 21
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

We picked an elopement for a few reasons, but it was always an option from the beginning. The first reason was that when I planned out the kind of wedding we wanted, the price came out to approximately the down payment on a house we were looking at. Then there was a lot of drama on both sides, because of my family fighting and because her family doesn’t know she’s taking my name. The final straw was probably that when we talked about eloping in very mixed company, most of the people we talked to said they wished that they had eloped.

At weddings the couple can sometimes get lost in trying to accommodate the guests and forget to to take the time together to enjoy the day. 

Also, when you elope, you can do it wherever you want! You can go thousands of miles away for the tropical wedding of your dreams or jet off to Paris or Las Vegas or Gretna Green! 

Eloping isn’t for everyone, and if you’ve always imagined yourself at the center of attention in front of the people you love most in the world, it can be a heartbreaking departure from the dream. But if you want to just focus on the two of you, it’s awesome.

Post # 22
383 posts
Helper bee

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ladyvictoria :  #4 –THIS is what its all about, the joy of being married

Post # 23
137 posts
Blushing bee

I have really bad social anxiety and the idea of having all that attention on me is very overwhelming. Just the two of us, exchanging vows on the beach just sounds perfect in my eyes, and since we’d be in Maldives we’d get to go diving right afterwards. Winwin!

Post # 24
2844 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

We decided to elope pretty much immediately after getting engaged. We were together for 20 years, so really didn’t want to have a long engagement. Our family and friends are spread all over the country. We didn’t want to spend much money on a wedding. It was a pretty easy decision for us. We had an elopement ceremony. Our only witnesses were the photographer and his assistant. People knew the wedding date and our plans ahead of time. We just wanted to be married. I still wore a long, ivory dress and DH wore a tux. We have beautiful pics from the wedding. It was lovely and we have no regrets. Good luck in your decision! 

Post # 25
128 posts
Blushing bee

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jonasbutterfly :  We wanted to elope because we already felt married and we wanted to do it as stressfree as possible. But when we told our families our plan (soon after we got engaged) my DH’s family flipped. It caused a lot of drama (which was certainly NOT stressfree), so we decided to have an intimate wedding of <15 instead. Looking back, I loved our wedding and it was really special to share that moment with our parents. 

My advice for those who have a emotional, overbearing, or opinionated family and who are set on elopement, is to just do it and tell family after. Otherwise you may risk feeling guilt, etc during a time that should be magical! 

Post # 26
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

We decided to elope before getting engaged. We both wanted something extremely small and there was no way all of the family on both sides would have been able to go to one place. We wanted low budget, honestly there is just no way we would have the desire to spend even half of what most traditional weddings cost around here. We paid for everything ourselves and we had our wedding at a church with just the minister and our witnesses. It was exactly what we wanted.  We incorporated our families into two events – a mini honeymoon to visit his relatives that can’t travel immediately after the ceremony, then we are hosting a BBQ reception/party for friends and family who can travel to us.  The entire thing has been so low stress and I would highly recommend it !

Post # 27
9984 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

If you are planning guests it is not an elopement. Apart from the misuse of the term, my concern for you would be that once you have any guests, you are excluding others and creating the potential for all the stuff you fear. 

If you think a tiny wedding , maybe with just parents and siblings, that might be ‘safe’ lol. But just you and him at the courthouse excludes no one because it excludes everyone as it were. 

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