(Closed) What makes a "real" marriage?

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 32
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@Rachel631:  +1

Just throw a big party if you want a party/commitment ceremony; it’s not a wedding since you’re not actually getting married. Regardless of how you feel about it (you said you’d feel married), you won’t be recognized as such. I would say to be prepared for the kinds of reactions you guys will receive – obviously, how we feel about it doesn’t matter, I just mean from those you care about. 

Post # 33
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I wouldn’t want to lose the legal protection marriage provides. And as for your argument about divorce, there is such a thing as a simplified divorce. The two people divide their assets themselves as they deem fit and then simply fill out a simple form, present it to the court, meet with a judge who basically asks if you’re both sure this is what you want, and then, poof, divorced. Meanwhile, you have legal protection incase your partner decides not to handle things amicably.

Post # 34
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Super interesting thread! 

 

I agree with the PPs that say do what you want! I’m all for live and let live. Your life is your business. 

Post # 36
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Here’s the issue:  You want certain people to think you are married, and certain people to not think you are married. 

 

 

 

Post # 38
Member
10355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You will still be missing out on the medical benefits that come with marriage, including him being able to make medical decisions for your daughter if you were incapacitated or not there. What about health insurance?

Post # 39
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This is a very interesting thread indeed. It also makes me happy to be living in Canada, where common-law couples evidently have a LOT more legal rights then their American counterparts. 

OP, personally I couldn’t care less if you filled your paperwork after your ceremony or not. Frankly, I don’t see why me (as a guest) would even know that? I’m not religious nor do I really  care about the paperwork, I’m more of less getting married for the same reasons you describe, to publicly declare our love, to celebrate, etc.. I am filling the paperwork, but if I didn’t, so what? What would it change? 

I say you do what you want to do! And if I were a guest at your wedding I wouldn’t care, nor would I expect you to tell me. Celebrate away!

Post # 40
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I get it, and I think it’s fine. But I don’t think you should call it a marriage. If you want a wedding, you can present it as a commitment ceremony and reception. 

Post # 41
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Not every state has simple divorce.

Post # 42
Member
9124 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

This rubs me the wrong way – I believe in the social contract. If you make that much money, surely you can afford to pay your fair share. After all, cohabiting saves a lot of money over being single. I know that’s not what you’re asking, though. 

If you do decide to do it, I would tell your guests. It’s not really fair to ask them to bear witness to your marriage, when they don’t know you’re not getting married so you can scam the system…

(sorry that sounds harsh. But it might be a good perspective to consider as I’m sure at least some of your guests would agree.)

Post # 43
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
@lolot:  Agreed! All I’ve gotten out of this post is that the OP doesn’t want to pay her fair share of taxes.  

Post # 44
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You can’t have it both ways. To pretend to be married is deceitful. I’d even be annoyed to be tricked into going to a “wedding” of a couple who are already married. People should do what they want – but have the courage to be honest about it. Just my 2 cents.

Post # 45
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@SincerelyShe:  +100 I agree!

Her Goal: avoid paying married tax rate, but wants everyone to consider her married (except uncle sam).

The Plan: Be dishonest with everyone about your real status.  Rationalize it by taking the position that marriage has nothing to do with government — how romantic!

Post # 46
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@Fluffmallow:  Yes. This.

A WEDDING is where you get married. If you are already married or if you don’t plan on getting married at all you’re not having a wedding. You can have a party, but it’s not the same thing and you shouldn’t act like it is.

http://madamenoire.com/245723/trying-to-have-your-wedding-cake-and-eat-it-too-there-is-no-such-thing-as-getting-married-now-and-throwing-a-wedding-later/

The topic ‘What makes a "real" marriage?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors