(Closed) What makes us hope against hope? (VENT)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Is it possiblt that he’s acting nonchalant to throw you off and is planning a quiet proposal at the house?

Post # 4
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@rattlesnake:  first of all i give you props for not thinking about it for 2 months haha.. i dont think i go a day without thinking about it!  Second of all I know exactly how you feel.  Guys are really different than women, we think things through, have a plan etc.  I am sure some guys do this but not all of them and definitely not my guy haha.  Have you tried to talk to your boyfriend about this?  I know that a lot of people on this site will say to try mr bees backup plan and not to bring it up but honestly i think communication is key and he needs to know how he’s making you feel.  I literally just went through this last night and this morning.  I finally broke down and told my bf how he was making me feel and i left him alone for a few hours to let it sink in.  He finally understands how i feel which makes me feel SO much better.  It’s a thin line we tread on bc you don’t want to push and nag and then have him propose as a result of your pushing, you want him to be the one to make the decision.  I would really recommend trying to talk it out, guys don’t realize how hurtful they can be, how can they have no plan when it’s all we can think about!?  It is possible he does have something up his sleeve but I would just ask.  Maybe have an “updated timeline” conversation so youre both on the same page 🙂 good luck!

Post # 5
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with sweetdee522.. Maybe he wants it to be a romantic night just the two of you? You never know! Whenever I thought my so was going to propose on vaca it never happened.. So maybe he has something in mind

Post # 6
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I would tell him you’d like a little celebrating on your anniversary, and ask if he would pick a place for dinner and surprise you.  As for the proposal….I’m sure he has a plan, it just sucks not to have a clue! Hang in there!

Post # 7
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

A quiet dinner can be a nice way to spend an anniversary.  You can bring it up to him that you’d like to do something more “special” over the weekend.  

 

As for the waiting, all your feelings are completely understandable.  I can’t really give any good advice, as I was a basket case for a year during the waiting stage.  What I can tell you is what ended up being the turning point for us.  I finally expressed to my SO that I couldn’t take waiting anymore.  It was cruel to be in that state of relationship limbo, and if by the 3 year point he hadn’t proposed, then that was his way of telling me he didn’t want to marry me.  For some people this might backfire, but in my case it was a wakeup call for him, he became more loving than ever, and he proposed a month later.  

 

Regardless, I wish you the best, and hope your time’s coming soon!

Post # 8
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, I gave my Fiance a deadline. I told him 3 years was long enough for him to figure out whether he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me or not. I told him I refused to be a girlfriend forever. I would have had a U-haul our front on our anniversary, I’m not even kidding. I told him we wouldn’t necessarily break up, but I would absolutely be moving out. I know it seems super harsh, but I meant it. I wasn’t going to continue playing wifey without the commitment. 

Post # 9
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

So sorry you are frustrated.

The problem with *waiting* is that it’s a passive state that gives control completely to the other person.  I’m not passive, so my response is colored by that.  I’m not an ultimatum girl either…. because I don’t bluff.  I agree that a calm, non-emotional “updated timeline” conversation is in order.  I don’t think we can answer if you’re wasting your time, because only you know that.  If he doesn’t propose in 3 months…. what will you do?  6 months?  How long are you willing to wait.  Do you want to be married / kids?  Or do you want to be married to HIM.  Both are valid.  Only you know the answer.

Stop convincing yourself of things.  You are setting yourself up for disappointment.  Look at his actions and what you want…. are they congruent?  His behavior now, will be his behavior…. is that what you want? 

I read your last post….. there are some red flags, that are worth looking at.  Why haven’t you joined your bank accounts, like he said?  What does he say when you tell him that Saturday at 10:30 you have an appointment at the bank?  Does he refuse to go?  is he *too busy* etc?

When you say, “when should I schedule the next appoingment with the realtor?”  what does he say?  What is  his reason for not wanting to go?  Guys aren’t notorious for scheduling things….is that the issue?  Or do you think it’s deeper?

Question – have you talked about when you want to get married and what his thoughts are on ceremony?  Some guys don’t get the timeline from engaged to wedding.  So, if he is thinking you get engaged and a couple months later you get married and you are thinking in takes a year to plan a wedding….. well then you’re not on the same page.

Post # 10
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@rattlesnake:  Ugh I’m frustrated for you. You know, when they do extravagant things for previous birthdays/anniversaries they set the bar so high that the next year you can’t expect anything less lol. Have you guys communicated about what you want from him? As other posters have said maybe he’s trying to throw you off and keep it an intimate night? It’s hard to be optimistic with this stuff sometimes :/ Even an anniversary deserves a special night out or something right??

 

Post # 11
Member
418 posts
Helper bee

I think a quiet dinner is a lovely way to spend an anniversary. It’s not always practical to go to a different country every anniversary. Wink All that matters is that he loves you and cares for  you. He will propose when the time is right. Smile Have a wonderful anniversary!

Post # 12
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee

On the off chance that he’s trying to surprise you, do NOT bring this up before the anniversary.  If after the anniversary you still want o, then do but in the meantime read some of the threads titled “I ruined the proposal!” and think about it.

Post # 14
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Have you tried talking to him about the future and get his ideas on a timeline for things?  Even though I would like to think that everyone can read my mind, unfortunately they can’t.  You don’t have to ask him flat out when are you going nto propose but you can ask other questions too.

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