(Closed) What name do I use on invitations?

posted 6 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 3
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

HI Gwen,

I’m an encore bride as well.  I use my married name professionally and my maiden name socially (FB, return address labels, etc)

I’m using my maiden name on the invitations.  I did not want to see my (old) married name on them.

I’ll be changing over to his name professionally after the wedding.

 

Post # 4
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is a 2nd marriage for me and first marriage for my fiance.  He really didn’t want me using my former married name on the invitations.  However, most of my acquaintences know me by that name.  Only family & long time friends would recognize my maiden name.

We compromised and used both my maiden and former married name on the invitations.  So, I ended up being “Kris Weiss Behr” on the invites.  He always calls me by my maiden name.

I’m changing my name to his last name after we’re married.  I only kept my former married name after the divorce because it was easier with school, doctors, etc., with my son.  Now that he’s older, I feel fine changing my name now.

Only 3 months and 2 weeks to go! (but who’s counting?  LOL)

Post # 5
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

If most of your guests know you by your married name, could you use that for the address on the outer and reply envelopes, and your maiden name on the invite?

If guests know “Jane Smith” and the invite says “Jane Doe,” they could be confused as to whose wedding it is, unless they also know your fiance.

Post # 7
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Gwen827  Thank you so much!  It’s exciting to see the time ticking away, getting closer to that big day!  Let us know what you decide to do about your invites!

 

Post # 8
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I had the same question and have had my ex’s last name for 28 years. I kept it after divorce for the sake of my kids, and it was just easier professionally. I can’t wait to get rid of it – the divorce was a nightmare and the ex continues to be a total a-hole years later – and I’m totally excited to take my FI’s name. I used my maiden name on the invitation and used just our first names on the response envelopes. I’m very proud of my maiden name and haven’t decided if I’ll use it with my new married name.

Post # 10
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Gwen827:  Yes, I’m over 3 years out from the final divorce and my kids are now 21 and nearly 16. I felt the same way you did about lessening the family break trauma for my kids. My ex doesn’t even address me by my first name (doesn’t speak to me at all) and when he has any correspondence he addresses the envelope with one word -just the last name! I can’t wait to get rid of it!! My daughter wishes she could change her last name to my maiden name, lol. I’m very excited about taking my FI’s last name, and actually love the alliteration of my maiden name combined with his – both start with R. I suggested we just combine them both and he change his to the combination, but he isn’t having it :/

Post # 11
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I too am an encore bride.  My second and his first.  Like the other post said for socially I use my maiden names but keep my married name for license, credit cards.  On my invites, I used my maiden name and will be changing my last name to his upon marriage

Post # 12
Member
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I changed my name back to my maiden name after my divorce, so that wasn’t an issue for me.  

Are you going to use your invitation after the wedding?  I have our invitation framed with our favorite wedding picture hanging in our bedroom. I don’t think I would have done that if the invitation had had my old married name on it….something to think about. 

I think you should do what makes both of you most comfortable.  

Post # 13
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I haven’t been married before, but I just realized that we only used our first and middle names on the invite. We had a stamp made that looks like this for our envelopes and returns… so our last names weren’t used once. This could definitely be an option 🙂

Post # 15
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I am going to just use our first names for the invites. We are having a small family/friends ceremony anyway so everyone who is getting an official invite is already going to know its coming and we have unique names too. 

Post # 16
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My mother used her married name on her invites–when my parents divorced, she kept it as by that people she’d had that name longer than her maiden name (I was old enough to not be affected one way or the other).  Changed her name after they married.

Another option not yet mentioned:  the President of my college was a divorcee who’d kept her married name, but when she remarried my senior year, changed her name BACK to her maiden name.  I don’t know how much being in academia (most publish under maiden names) influenced that decision.

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