Post # 1
Hi I am new to the forum and my partner and I got engaged on the 7 May 2012. We are so happy and very excited about planning our engagement and wedding. This is second time around for us both and there have been lots of challenges that we have faced as parents of teenagers from our respective former marriages. But we are now engaged and so happy!!
My first dilemna…what do I use as my name on the invitation? I have been known by my married name for over 20 years and my fiancee doesn’t seem keen on me using my ex’s name on our invitations for engagement and wedding. (Fair enough). Our wedding will have approx 50 adults and 20 children and we are getting married in the Salvation Army Church (still to talk to them about that but I amsure it will be ok for use) We will have our reception at the bowling club that is a beautiful art deco style and we seem to coming up with a 1950’s wedding theme. It is definitely going to be a light informal wedding but I still want some traditional things. Anyway, I thought the background might be useful in the invitation style.
Post # 3
I’m an encore bride as well. I use my married name professionally and my maiden name socially (FB, return address labels, etc)
I’m using my maiden name on the invitations. I did not want to see my (old) married name on them.
I’ll be changing over to his name professionally after the wedding.
Post # 4
This is a 2nd marriage for me and first marriage for my fiance. He really didn’t want me using my former married name on the invitations. However, most of my acquaintences know me by that name. Only family & long time friends would recognize my maiden name.
We compromised and used both my maiden and former married name on the invitations. So, I ended up being “Kris Weiss Behr” on the invites. He always calls me by my maiden name.
I’m changing my name to his last name after we’re married. I only kept my former married name after the divorce because it was easier with school, doctors, etc., with my son. Now that he’s older, I feel fine changing my name now.
Only 3 months and 2 weeks to go! (but who’s counting? LOL)
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
If most of your guests know you by your married name, could you use that for the address on the outer and reply envelopes, and your maiden name on the invite?
If guests know “Jane Smith” and the invite says “Jane Doe,” they could be confused as to whose wedding it is, unless they also know your fiance.
Post # 6
Thanks for your input A friend suggested using our first names only on the invites and then using my surname name for the replies and outer for my friends and family and he obviously will use is name for replies etc for his side. I quite like that idea, I think most people will understand.
I didn’t know what to do about my name after I separated and decided that I would keep my married name to be the same as my 2 sons. When I met Earl we both knew that we had fallen pretty hard for each other and I had a feeling that he was the one for me so just left my married name until we married and then I will use his name.
So excited for you sopranokris, I am just brimming with ideas and we are now starting to plan our engagement party. Our wedding is 10 months 2 weeks and 4 days lol (and i’m not counting )
Once again, thanks for your replies and I hope to see you around on the boards
Post # 7
Gwen827 Thank you so much! It’s exciting to see the time ticking away, getting closer to that big day! Let us know what you decide to do about your invites!
Post # 8
I had the same question and have had my ex’s last name for 28 years. I kept it after divorce for the sake of my kids, and it was just easier professionally. I can’t wait to get rid of it – the divorce was a nightmare and the ex continues to be a total a-hole years later – and I’m totally excited to take my FI’s name. I used my maiden name on the invitation and used just our first names on the response envelopes. I’m very proud of my maiden name and haven’t decided if I’ll use it with my new married name.
Post # 9
@lorie: I have exactly the same sentiment! I decided it wasn’t worth going to the bother of changing it since I knew I would be taking my FI’s name plus I wanted my sons to have something familiar since the family unit was broken up. Time to move on and my boys are young men now. Problem is my maiden name doesn’t mean much to me either as my late father was adopted and he ‘made up’ his surname and changed it by deed poll. I used my married name longer than my maiden name! C’est la vie as they say! So I will probably go either first names only on invitation but if it doesn’t ‘look right’ I will use my maiden name but married name on the outers and replies.
Post # 10
@Gwen827: Yes, I’m over 3 years out from the final divorce and my kids are now 21 and nearly 16. I felt the same way you did about lessening the family break trauma for my kids. My ex doesn’t even address me by my first name (doesn’t speak to me at all) and when he has any correspondence he addresses the envelope with one word -just the last name! I can’t wait to get rid of it!! My daughter wishes she could change her last name to my maiden name, lol. I’m very excited about taking my FI’s last name, and actually love the alliteration of my maiden name combined with his – both start with R. I suggested we just combine them both and he change his to the combination, but he isn’t having it :/
Post # 11
I too am an encore bride. My second and his first. Like the other post said for socially I use my maiden names but keep my married name for license, credit cards. On my invites, I used my maiden name and will be changing my last name to his upon marriage
Post # 12
I changed my name back to my maiden name after my divorce, so that wasn’t an issue for me.
Are you going to use your invitation after the wedding? I have our invitation framed with our favorite wedding picture hanging in our bedroom. I don’t think I would have done that if the invitation had had my old married name on it….something to think about.
I think you should do what makes both of you most comfortable.
Post # 13
I haven’t been married before, but I just realized that we only used our first and middle names on the invite. We had a stamp made that looks like this for our envelopes and returns… so our last names weren’t used once. This could definitely be an option 🙂
Post # 14
@Mrs.H2B: Thanks for uploading and I love the look of that! Mr Stamp suggested this option at the onset and I didn’t think it would do, but seeing it now has changed my mind 🙂 I think I have just made a decision!! I like Loribeth’s suggestion about framing the invite as well.
Post # 15
I am going to just use our first names for the invites. We are having a small family/friends ceremony anyway so everyone who is getting an official invite is already going to know its coming and we have unique names too.
Post # 16
My mother used her married name on her invites–when my parents divorced, she kept it as by that people she’d had that name longer than her maiden name (I was old enough to not be affected one way or the other). Changed her name after they married.
Another option not yet mentioned: the President of my college was a divorcee who’d kept her married name, but when she remarried my senior year, changed her name BACK to her maiden name. I don’t know how much being in academia (most publish under maiden names) influenced that decision.