Post # 1
That a relationship is a 2 way street and after almost 3 years of me killing my sleep pattern for the sake of staying up long enough to see him on nights he works I’ve discovered that I’m sick of it always being me. Getting exhausted with the whole it always being me doing the nurturing and giving thing with most every aspect of our lives. Maybe it’s the tiredness talking. But I’m fed up.
Christmas really sucks this year.
Post # 3
🙁 Get some rest and re-evaluate your feelings on a full night’s sleep. And try to have a merry Christmas!
Post # 4
@claireos: Hi! I hate to join this thread, but here I am at home all by my lonesome while my husband is working the overnight. Booo! I’ll give him credit; he got Thanksgiving off for me because I asked, but it was no small feat.
Christmas means nothing to HIM, but to me, it’s nearly everything. It would be helpful if he acknowledged it was special to me and made the effort to make it special WITH me, but this year has been bad for us too. I’m not fed up, I’m just disappointed that his career never sleeps.
Post # 5
@adnama: Agree. Sometimes things seem much more bleak at night than in the light of day 🙁
Post # 6
my fi works at a bar so he comes in anytime between 3 and 5 tonight was no different. I just take a nap.
It’s sad not to get to do the clock at midnight thing with him though
New Year is when I get upset
Post # 7
Aww 🙁 I know how you feel. When my Fiance and I moved in together he used to work nights so I’d have to stay up until about 2AM if I wanted to spend time with him when he got off, and I hated it. I’m sorry you feel this way on Christmas 🙁 I hope your day gets better and you get some good sleep!
Post # 8
i used to be just like this. bending over backwards doing everything to be the best girlfriend (so he would make me his wife). then i realized that i am the prize, not him. he should be doing everything in his power to make you happy. so… just stop. you make yourself happy (doing something besides focusing on him) and he will work to make you happy. or not. and if he doesn’t, then he’s not the one.
this is so lame, but reading things from the site havetherelationshipyouwant.com (god, i know it’s lame) really helped me. i was all masculine energy, which made his life comfortable and easy, but it also allowed him to sit back while i did all the work.
i could go on and on, but if you change your behavior to do things that make you happy, hopefully he will, too.
Post # 9
When Fiance and I first got together we both worked over night, almost the same schedule and it was great. But a year and a half ago I got moved to working 4-M, and he works 10-6am, 6 days a week. We don’t have a day off together at all unless my work is slow and i get an extra day off in the middle of the week which my boss is really good about giving me every now and then so we can have date nights.
But Fiance works every holiday, and usually 12 hours, which really sucks. I usually go home to my family (2 hours away) and leave him at our apt. That may sound mean, but he would rather I go home and enjoy holidays than be bored at our apt alone all night. Plus his family lives only 30 min from our apt so it’s easy for him to go celebrate with them before/after work.
Honestly, I’m just grateful he has a job and I feel lucky to have him so I’d always find a way to make it work. But I can see how it sucks for you. I’m guessing you have a complete opposite schedule? How many days a week do you stay up to see him? Do you guys have days off together?
I used to stay up till 6am to have time to see Fiance when he gets home from work, but since about september I have started going to bed earlier because I get too tired. We see a lot of each other on tues, fri, sat, sun, but not much on mon, wed, thurs. That’s just the way it is. But i try to think of it this way, at least we aren’t statesd away, or oceans away, ya know? We get to see each other a lot more than some relationships and I am grateful for that. Try to look at the postive side. And don’t be the one always “giving in” and making sacrifices. Don’t stay up all the time, just go to bed. It’s not a big deal if you don’t see him every night.
Post # 10
I called him out on some of it this weekend. Told him it’s not fair that I’m the only one to ever get up and make breakfast for us. Christmas morning he asked me what was wrong and I told him I was tired of being tired all the time and I’m tired of being the only one to ever seriously adjust their sleep schedule and get 4 hrs of sleep multiple times a week. I told him he never gets up earlier for me so it’s a little unfair that I stay up. His response, “Is that how we’re gonna start today?” He did get up and make breakfast all by himself. So, that was different.
We have opposite schedules and rarely have the same days off. So if he happens to be off on a Tuesday, despite the fact that I was up @ 4AM for work, I’ll stay up till 10 or midnight just to spend time together because sometimes it could be a week before I saw him for more than an hour. But, in the event he’s off on Tuesday AND Wednesday, then I’m up on 2 nights, staying up again on Friday cause I then sleep in on Saturday. I’m certainly not staying up every night. But my sleep pattern is still being messed up. I’ve been doing this with increasing frequency for more than 2 years. I’m kinda done. And he’s not good with hints so I’m thinking of sitting him down and straight up telling him that I’m not doing this anymore. He’s just as capable of working around a tough schedule as I am. Maybe telling him straight up will get him on the ball to fix his game. Maybe.
Post # 11
I have to be honest that I don’t quite get this post. My husband has worked 2nd shift our entire relationship. He works from 3-midnight. I worked 8-5 the majority of our relationship. I stay up every night because I want to see him. I love him and want to spend time with him. I take a nap on most nights between 8-10 so that my sleep doesn’t suffer. Is this post about his work schedule? or more about him not giving as much as you? I don’t think this is about his schedule but more about the fact that you feel neglected.
Post # 12
It’s both – the work schedule and his lack of effort.The work schedule is hard enough. There are months where I may only see him 4 or 5 times during the evening in a whole month. But I’m the only one that ever really puts effort into working around it. I do it because I care but at some point I have to not be the one bending over backwards all the time.