(Closed) What NOT to do when you're planning your wedding!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
722 posts
Busy bee

Wow, I would say that 4, 5, 6, 10, and 11 should have been covered by the venue.  One shouldn’t need a wedding coodinator to do those things unless it’s a total DIY wedding, which is doesn’t sound like this was at all.  More careful planning could have avoided 3, 7, 8, 9.

Otherwise, 1. Dumb, 2.  Unfortunate, 12.  No bid deal.

I guess moral of your story for me is really be diligent when hiring your vendors.  Even a great wedding planning can’t fix the worst of vendors.

Post # 3
9556 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Actually my main advice for what NOT to do would be – Don’t let yourself get stressed about things that just aren’t that important. If, at the end of the day, you are married to the love of your life – it has been a successful day. Keep your priorities in mind throughout planning and try to keep some overall perspective – a wedding is all consuming when you’re planning it, but it’s really just a small blip on a larger life/family/marriage. And, most importantly, don’t fall victim to the most vicious of theives – comparision. Your wedding is not a competition. It’s a celebration of your committment to your partner. On wedding day, don’t forget to try to really be present in the moment and take it all in. It goes by so fast – you don’t want to miss it or spend time stressing about unimportant or unchangeable problems.

Post # 4
368 posts
Helper bee

Wow, it is certainly brave of you to post so many details of this wedding when your username is your actual first and last name. I hope this brides doesn’t google you any time soon since you appear to be critiqing her planning skills.

Post # 5
5455 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016


mohbestie:  Do you google your friends? If so, that’s weird as shit. Also, I just googled Jessica Baron and went through 10 pages and never saw anything about this stupid board…. 

Post # 6
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

On this same note, the other wedding was a cash bar.  Those guests got wind of our wedding being an open bar and came to our bar (outside the main room where dinner was being served) and stole a bunch of alcohol from our bar to which the brides’ parents had to pay for.


Holy crap.  

Post # 7
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Brussels, Belgium

Oh my goodness, that’s nuts.

Here are some of my thoughts on what not to do (based on the worst wedding I’ve been to):

1. Ceremony was scheduled to begin at 2pm and didn’t start until 3:30, plus there was assigned seating so I was stuck sitting on the opposite side of the room from my FI near people I didn’t even know.

2. The MOH was the brides sister and had a much fancier white lace dress on. I had never met the bride so when MOH walked out I thought she was the bride. (This is just a personal thing)

3. People’s cell phones were ringing the entire ceremony and no on had control of their kids so they were running around laughing and yelling, which was super distracting.

4. The reception was supposed to start at 7pm, but we weren’t allowed to get appetizers or drink until the bride and groom showed up, which they didn’t do until well after 9. Plus, it was in a bad neighborhood so wandering around in nice clothes for a snack didn’t seem appealing. I get that people are busy with one thing or another, but if you’re going to be that let at least let them have some water.

5. Dinner wasn’t served until 11pm. No one wants to wait 4 hours for dinner.

6. If you have music in a foreign language, have someone who understands the language listen to the songs. The ceremony and reception weren’t in English yet the music was. Wrecking Ball probably isn’t the best wedding song.

Post # 10
722 posts
Busy bee


barrogten:  And I guess the moral of your story for me is think of your guests experience first and foremost.  Be on time, keep any gaps as short as possible, have food and drink available, feed people and conclude celebrations at a reasonable hour.

Post # 11
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Brussels, Belgium

jamb:  Well not neccessarily first and foremost, but I think a lot of couple’s want their guests to have a good time and there are things that are just courteous and simple to make their experience better. We weren’t allowed into the reception area until the bride and groom showed up and had to wait in the lobby. There were a lot of elderly people there and no chairs available in the lobby, so it woud have been nice if there could have been some plan to set up some up since people were waiting for a while, or even as I mentioned offer water (since there were no water fountains). There were also no restrooms in the lobby (only in the reception room, which we weren’t allowed to enter). People ended up leaving because they were fed up. I understand that things happen, which can make people late, but setting up contingency plans is never a bad idea.

Post # 12
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

jessica.j.baron:  Obviously I think that most every bride would love to have a wedding planner/coordinator if they could, but I would venture to guess that the majority of the time, it’s just not in the budget. I didn’t have one, and the wedding “coordinator” I was supposed to have the day of (provided with the package for our venue) basically just made sure no one stole my cards (good thing) but essentially told me that I needed to rely almost completely on the DJ for everything else (bad thing). 

Aside from that, I kept expecting something to go wrong, and to be honest, nothing did! Unless there was some minute detail that I didn’t know about, which would be difficult since I planned my wedding down to a T, it doesn’t even matter at this point. I think what your second piece of advice to brides should be, after suggesting a wedding planner, is to make sure you get good vendors. This means, doing your homework, reading reviews, and reading them from MULTIPLE websites, as some sites only show the best reviews. Also, be wary of “bargains” or “deals” until you’ve done your research. Not every bargain you get on a vendor means they are a bad vendor, but I would make sure of it ahead of time.

The only things that I know of that went “wrong” at my wedding were:

1. I bought bubbles and found out about a week before the wedding that we couldn’t really use them. Since our ceremony and reception were in the same place, we never did a “grand exit” and it was too dark afterwards to use them. We ended up using them for pictures. This wasn’t a big deal anyway, and it was my own fault.

2. I had someone to handle the guest book, but I forgot to mention to her to pass out programs as well, so only about half our guests got programs. They were out all night by the card/gift table, so if anyone wanted one they could have grabbed it. I didn’t care too much, as most people throw them away anyway.

3. Our venue “coordinator” didn’t do a whole lot of anything, but our DJ was awesome so he took over for the night.

4. I forgot hot rollers for the woman to do my hair (she does hair out of her house and had to travel to the wedding so I told her I would bring the supplies) so we ended up using a curling iron, which normally doesn’t do much for my pin straight hair, but she worked a miracle and all was well.

That was pretty much it. I realize I can’t say NOTHING went wrong, but in the big picture, it was not a big deal at all. My vendors ended up being awesome and were lifesavers. I didn’t need a planner or coordinator because they were all so fantastic.

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