(Closed) What Not To Say To A Waiting Bee!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@LadyInGreen:  Yes, it happened to me as well.  When a guy with whom I was working asked and found out that we had been dating for (at the time) nearly five years, he yelled out “And he STILL hasn’t proposed??”  The funny thing is that my FI actually wanted to have proposed by that point, but I told him to hold off.  I did not want to be engaged for more than a year and we had already set a general timeline for when we wanted to get married.

I think sometimes people have a harder time realizing that what works best for them isn’t always what works best for others.  Congratulations on the impending engagement!  It must be so exciting for you to have all these engagements happening.  Two of my best friends got married to each other recently and I am so happy that we are both making this step at basically the same time.

PS. We also grew up in the South!  🙂

Post # 4
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

I live in the south and we’ve been dating for 9 years…now, we did start dating when we were young, and have grown up together. 

I’ve been hearing those lousy comments for years and so has my boyfriend. I think people eventually quit asking, because nothing was happening…and come on, it’s been 9 years. We’ve talked about it though and it is coming…I’m thinking within 6 months. He keeps dropping hints. 

It’s really tough to respond to the people when they ask those things are comment about how our SO’s aren’t ready or romantic, because we are the ones that really know them. 

For instance, my boyfriend is the most romantic guy ever and he is ready, just money is tight. Well, not as tight as it was 2 months ago and that’s why I think it’s coming soon. Plus, I found out he has a savings account seperate from the one we share. EEEk.

What I’ve started doing is when people mentioned those things, I pawn of the comment on my boyfriend, make him reply! He usually says things like “soon” or “we’ve looked at ring”, blah, blah, blah…atleast, we’ve gotten passed the comments of “when we finish school”…even though we haven’t yet.

Good luck to you!!! Keep positive, he has the ring, it’s coming!!!!

Post # 5
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@LadyInGreen:  I give you credit for not losing it! He has the ring! Ahh!! LOL

 

   All the time.  My neighbor was telling me how her daughter ( her daughter is ‘perfect’ in every way and NO one can compair to her ..really lady?!) just got engaged. I said aw how sweet ( you know all the questions, how,when blah blah blah) and she turns to me and said has ‘brown eyes’ asked you yet?..um no..her ohh wow..I guess it’s cheaper to have a live in girlfriend than a wife  HA Ha. I seriously wanted to punch her..SO heard it when he got home!

 

 people can be sooo rude some times!

Post # 6
Member
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Some people have no filter…

Post # 7
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m lucky, my friends haven’t said anything rude to me at all. I still have a decent amount of friends that aren’t engaged yet too.. And we’re all almost 30… But try not to let other peoples rudeness get to you!.. You know he has the ring! That’s a great thing! 🙂 he obviously is going to propose to you! And soon I’m sure.. He’s probably waiting for the perfect moment! Maybe a vacation or other special date!

Post # 8
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee

Ladies, I don’t know how you do it. We’ve barely been together 9 months and I’m dying of E-ring envy. I commend you for your strength and your patience! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

Yes! I have heard both in real life and on the bee the classic “Well why don’t you just propose to him?” and it drives me crazy! I’m pretty sure most of us waiting ladies would if it wasn’t so important to our SO’s that they do it, and whenever I get asked it always feels a little accusatory.

I also really dislike doing stuff like the bouquet toss because it makes me feel really in the spotlight about how we aren’t engaged yet, but everyone makes such a big deal about it if you sit out. I wish people would just make a joke about it and move on! 

Post # 10
Member
2541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Weve been together for 7 years and I think people finally stopped asking about marriage! The only times it has really bothered me where when people made a marked difference between our relationship & married couples. I went to my SO’s brothers wedding last year & felt a bit like an outcast as I wasn’t asked to be in any of the family photos, although the bride & groom had only been together shortly over a year, and all the other family’s husbands/wives/kids were included. I had the pleasure of holding the reflector for the photog and watching my SO pose with his family… It was made clear, although I doubt they meant it that way, that I was not a part of the family yet because we weren’t married. I made myself scarce for the bouquet toss & such but still got handed it personally afterwards by the bride. AND to top it all off I couldn’t even get slightly tipsy that night as my SO & I were tasked with making sure the hall was properly cleaned up (despite them having a DOC) & taking the bride & grooms items back to their home… 

Post # 11
Member
2566 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Oh I’d have been so mad!  Some people seriously need to edit themselves.  Ugh.

 

BeckySO – that plain sucks!  I’m sorry you were made to feel that way at the wedding.  

Post # 12
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@BeckyS0:  That is horrible! Weddings are fucked up things….

I caught the boquet at my bffs wedding from High school out of town that i went to (stag, because the SO couldnt afford to go) and I thought it was A SIGN, cause I never caught the boquet before, something I always dreamed of. Then a bit later my other HS friend got married and DIDN’T even invite me to her wedding! But I attribute that to her MOH who used to be BFFs with me but now we are not.

Anyway…weddings can bring the best and the worst out in people.

SO and I are watching out two good friends get married next month and are excited for them and the party that will insue afterwards. I just hope nothing like that happens to us

Post # 13
Member
1780 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Ive posted about it before, but yes in the year 2012 i have recieved the why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free….not once, not twice, but over 5 times from DIFFERENT PEOPLE! seriously why no has been shot for that statement ill never know….

weve been together over 5 years, and even my parents are startin to get on it….so i feel you….” oh well SO is kinda just turning into the guy who rents your bed”…i bout flipped….

and the killer was when a “good” really close guy friend whom ive known my whole life….were talking baby pictures together….self proclaimed man whore, who would never settle down….whom i dated briefly (like a handful dates brief) in highschool, got engaged after knowing a girl for a whole 2 months and married at 4 months… had the cahones to look at me after i congratulated him (she actually is very good for him, i truly hope they last), grabbed my hand, and go… “oh still no ring huh…i know you love him and all, but im serious your wasting your time, if hes known for 5 years your it like hes been telling me…hes never gonna propose, he gets a free wife with almost no commitment besides a rental house….” i bout had to pick my jaw up off the floor, then as he pulled me in for a hug, he whispers ” You know ill always love you Kit (shortened from kitten super embarrasing childhood nickname hes one of 3 ppl that can call me that with out getting punched), and if you woulda picked me 5 years ago instead of him, you would be happily married, living in the house i own, with atleast 2 or 3 of our children, and never want for anything….but now your just waiting on a maybe, and ive moved on, but if she ever gets sick of me, ill be  waiting for you…”  Not only really freaking ackward since we dated like oh 7 years ago in highschool, and ya know first time ive EVER met his WIFE, and he has to expose every insecurity i have, things i confided in him in confidence, about my worries….kinda a slap in the face….

Post # 14
Member
679 posts
Busy bee

@BeckyS0:  OMG that’s terrible!!! Those situations have always made me feel really awkward too.

But then I think back to when I was dating some of my exes (I’m a serial monogamist, what can I say) for a year or more and their families would insist that I get into the family photos…and obviously they are exes now, and I wonder, am I still in that picture they display on the mantel?

It’s so awkward and a weird territory to try and navigate.

Post # 15
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

families can sometimes be the worst. My SOs mom actually sent a wine kit for his birthday and wrote in the card “hopefully this speeds up things between you two”. Frankly to say, I think Ill be opening wine with my own stuff…thanks 😛

Weddings can be hard too. I was just at my friends wedding. The bride came up to my SO afte rthe ceremony and gave him the first degree. Thank goodness she didnt throw the bouqet…my friend was there too and she has been waiting for over 6 years. It wouldve been WWE. We even joked about it after “no offense, I love you, but I was ready to throw some punches for that bouqet!” hehe! At least SOME people can joke about it.

Post # 16
Member
22 posts
Newbee

I would just be glad he has the ring!! We’ve been together since December ’09 and are also in our mid-twenties. No ring yet. Also, can’t say I’m technically from the South, but we went to college there, so I know what you mean about all the young’uns rushing to the altar.

My favorite is when complaining to my mom about how we’re not engaged and she says, “why are you so hung up on married? besides maybe if y’all hadn’t moved in together it would’ve happened by now…”

Sigh…yeah at this point, we’ve been together just over 4.5 yrs and have lived together for 3, so I wonder if she’s right.

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