(Closed) What parents' names go on the invitations?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

If your parents are considering themselves the host, then yes, only their names would appear.

But if for some reason not including your Fiance parents would cause an issue, then you can include them as well as such…

Mr. and Mrs. Parents Name

request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of their daughter

Your name

to 

Your Fiance name

son of Mr. and Mrs. Fiance parents names

 

But I would talk to your parents first to see what they say.  For some reason the names on the invite tends to be a touchy subject for parents.

Post # 3
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My parents are covering the entire cost of the wedding, but they don’t really care about the wording. Our invitations read: “Together with their families, bride and groom invite you to celebrate their love story as they become husband and wife.” It seemed easier that way haha (: 

Post # 4
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee

I would say include both. Granted your parents are paying the bulk of it… but FIs parents are contributing as well. 

Post # 5
Member
2505 posts
Sugar bee

It depends – do your parents feel like just they are paying? Do your FI’s parents feeling like they’re paying, too?

If BOTH sets of parents feel responsible for paying, you put both. One easy way to do this is

“Mr. and Mrs. Bride’s Parents” together with “Mr. and Mrs. Groom’s Parents” request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their children, Bride and Groom, blah blah

This signals that both parents are financially contributing to the wedding.

What’s difficult here is figuring out what “counts” as financially contributing. Paying for the bouquet and rehearsal dinner don’t generally “count”. Hosting the rehearsal dinner is closer in kind to hosting a bridal shower – it’s not the wedding itself. So the real question seems to become, does your FI’s parents picking up the bar tab therefore entitle them to getting credit for paying for the wedding? That’s up to you and your families to decide. IMO, the bar tab is a far cry from the 32k your parents are paying – I would say your parents (and just your parents) are hosting this wedding.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  ilovesophia.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  ilovesophia.
Post # 7
Member
9524 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

in your case, Rehearsal Dinner costs don’t count towards wedding costs.  if the ILs are hosting the Rehearsal Dinner, they should send their own invitation for that.

your ILs are hosting the Rehearsal Dinner and your parents are hosting the wedding.

 

Post # 8
Member
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

We put my parents’ names on the wedding and left his off. His parents paid for the Rehearsal Dinner (and sent a separate invitation for that with their names on it) and a few odds and ends (nothing big) for the wedding. I never even considered putting their names- my parents paid for the bulk of it, helped plan it, and truly hosted it. If my in-laws had been upset about that, DH was prepared to defend our choice, but they didn’t care.

Post # 9
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee

We didn’t put parents’ names on the invitations, just ours. Then we thanked everyone individually on our wedding website. Ultimately my father paid for the bulk of it, but a few other people contributed things and it didn’t seem right to thank the parents without thanking the siblings etc (such as my brother-in-law who organised and paid for my hair and makeup) as well…

I like “Mr and Mrs X, together with Mr and Mrs Y” for your situation I think. 

Post # 10
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

Most invitations I have gotten include both sets of parents, saying something along the lines of “Mr. and Mrs. Father’s Name and Mr. and Mrs. Other Father’s Name would like to invite you to the wedding of their children, Full name of Groom and Full name of Bride.” Of course, I’m sure many would consider that particular model sexist and intolerant, but you can switch it up if you want. It’s not set in stone. The point is, they usually include both sets of parents. But that said, I have no idea if that meant both sets of parents paid, or if it was just to honor both parents, or what have you.

Post # 11
Member
3476 posts
Sugar bee

In my country, who pays for what is not a factor at all.  Both parents’ names are included in the invitation; not doing so would have guests wondering if a set of parents did not really agree with the wedding! In other words, having both parents in the invitation is a show of unity, of happiness on both sides.

Post # 12
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

i think it’s up to whatever your family is comfortable with since they’re hosting.

we’re hosting, my parents have contributed a small amount and his aren’t/haven’t contributed. i still put both names on the invite because i really wanted my parents on there, and Fiance thought if one set was on there, the other should be. ours read

” bride and groom

together with their parents

bride’s parents

and

groom’s parents”

request the honour of your presence….

Post # 13
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
acw2016:  whoever is paying for the wedding goes on the invitation as they are the hosts 🙂 my parents paid for it all so we just had their names. His parents understood.

Post # 14
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee

I’ve always felt really uncomfortable with the idea that the invitation is used as a way to tell people who is contributing (or in this case, contributing more) to the wedding. It just sits wrong with me. I’m not religious, but it reminds me of that bible story where a woman was being looked down upon for contributing mere pennies to the church. Jesus (I guess?) pointed out that, despite it being a small amount, she was giving everything she had, and deserved more praise than the people gifting higher monetary amounts, but who also had higher incomes.

As a “statistics person” it hits me in a weird way too. Let’s say you have one family who makes 100k a year, and one family who makes 1million. The parents who make 100k put 10k towards the wedding, and the parents who make 1million put 50k towards the wedding. Yes, the family contributing 50k is contributing 5x more than the first family, but stastically speaking they’re contributing much less (0.05% versus 10%). 

Last thing. My husband’s family gifted us some money up front for the wedding (even though we told everyone we were paying for it ourselves). My mom didn’t give us anything, but she did offer to pay for certain things randomly throughout the process, and hosted a day-after BBQ for which she spent a TON of money. My aunt, as a wedding gift, paid for the food for our rehearsal dinner. My Dad didn’t give us a penny, but then gave us a huge check after the wedding (larger than my fiance’s parents gift) to use at-will. My husband and I considered ourselves the hosts of the wedding.

I don’t know – basing the invitation wording on who paid the most money towards the wedding just seems antiquated to me, and rubs me the wrong way. With today’s more modern family, things are more complicated than simply “who gave what.”

If anyone’s still reading my random rant, we said “Bride and Groom, together with their families, request the honor of your presence at their marriage ceremony…”

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  Soon2bmrs1.
Post # 15
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Beach house

Honestly, I’d ask your parents how they feel about it. My mom is paying for my entire wedding (I’m so lucky and grateful!), but she did not want to be singled out on the invitation to let people know she was paying.

Our wording is “together with their families….”

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