Post # 1
I have been stewing about this for some time and FH said I should reach out to the bees to get your perspective. I have a dear friend that has a 3 year old daughter, who I am the pseudo godmother for. I have known her and her husband for 10 years and the relationship at times has been strained. I moved away over a year ago and haven’t seen her since, but still sent them a STD. I was certain, they would not come for several reasons, but to my surprise, she tells me they are coming and although she KNOWS the reception is adults only, these were her words: “Of course we will bring the child, because as you know, where we go, she goes, but I will try and keep her quiet during the important parts and then let her loose when no one is looking”. I have several family members and other friends with kids who are coming and are making arrangements for child care, I am certain that someone will make a comment about how they thought no kids were allowed and of course, the fear that she will cry, fidget, overall disturb the ceremony.
I am overreacting? Should I just be happy that they are coming at all?
Post # 3
No your not over reacting! If your family members are not bringing their children I don’t think special arrangements should be made.
Post # 4
Nope, not over reacting as well. “No kids” does not sound like it’s something open to interpretation. Tell her that the cutie needs to get a babysitter or the lot of them need to refrain from attending the wedding.
Post # 5
I’ve said this on a lot of threads and I know this is controversial. If your friend is coming from out of town, what do you expect her to do with a little kid? Leave her with a stranger? If you really don’t want the kid at the wedding, you should suggest a babysitter you know is reliable based on friends recommendations. Or suggest your friend leave her kid with other kids who are having a babysitter. If your friend is local then you can politely suggest she leave her child at home as she would on any other night out with her husband.
Post # 6
I suggest you respond by noting that you respect her decision to include her child in all aspects of her life, but also ask that she respect your decision regarding children (this highlights how inconsiderate it is of her to ignore your wishes, particularly since you respect her viewpoint). Indicate that you will be sorry not to see her if she cannot make childcare arrangements, but that if she is able to find a babysitter, please feel free to let you know until (insert RSVP date).
Post # 7
You are NOT overreacting. Say something like “Due to the alcohol consumption at the wedding, we are not allowing children present”. Of just flat out tell her, “I am sorry but we are not having children at the wedding”.
Post # 8
I recently went to a wedding with kids and it confirmed that a wedding is not for kids..the kids were running all around the place–parents did not supervise them because they were too busy dancing and drinking.
Post # 9
You’re not overreacting. I would be pissed. If you’ve already made the decision to have no kids and family members aren’t bringing theirs, then there is no way someone else should get special treatment. You’re going to have to stand up to this one unfortunately. It’s just not fair or respectful to you and your Fiance and the rest of the guests.
I would look into local babysitters or see if the hotel they are staying at has recommendations or they’ll have to figure it out if they want to come.
Post # 10
Don’t make excuses as to why you are not having children at the wedding.
When you start giving reasons, she will come up with exceptions.
Offer to help her find a babysitter if she is not local. Other than that, tell her you will misss her if she is not able to attend without her child.
Post # 11
I agree with those above that you are not unreasonable to expect her to come without her kid, if many other guests are upholding your request, she should be able to manage one night without the child. It’s very rude of her to think that she is above the rules. Maybe say that your venue doesn’t allow kids, if she tries to talk you into it. Stick to your guns!
Post # 12
No kids means no kids. Politely advise her where she can obtain childcare. If she chooses not to, then tell her you will miss having her there, but you understand her decision to stay home with her child.
Post # 13
tell her that you are sorry if finding a sitter is unconvenient, but children are just not welcome. you hope she can still come. and if she brings her anyway, dont worry about it, if someone mentions the fact that someone elses kid is there, your rebuttal is you know, you informed her it was adults only and she didnt listen. that makes her out to be the bad guy, not you.
Post # 14
I would be pissed too. No kids means no kids. Tell her that unfortuantly you and your Fiance are having a no kid ceremony and reception, then offer to help her find someone to watch the kid.
Post # 15
I would be beyond pissed. It is your wedding hence you set the rules. And that should be respected by everyone. And I dont see your family being very happy if they were not able to bring their children. It will set off a whole load of problems if you let this slide. So I would be very direct and let them know firmly to respect your wishes and if that does not work for them, then maybe they should rethink their RSVP
Post # 16
I think it’s the way this was said that’s a bigger problem – “Of course we WILL be bringing” her, they will “try” to keep her quiet and “let her loose” when no one is looking. This is presuming a lot.
I would politely tell her that no, you’re sorry children aren’t invited (the fact that she told you vs. asking you makes it a little awkward,) and maybe give her the number of a local sitter to drive the point home.