- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
I know many people are paranoid about being “judged” by other parents… But what people or parents do you judge that you think you are “in the right” for judging?
Or at least look at as examples of how you do NOT want to parent your child?
(I know we ALL judge others at some point, even if you try to see the best in everyone & everything, some things are just judge-worthy!)
I wouldn’t judge someone general parenting decisions or events, such as formula vs breastfeeding, circumcision vs intact, reasonable punishments for their kid acting up, their kid throwing at fit in public, etc.
But there are some things that some parents do that I definately judge and don’t feel bad about it at all:
I judge my trashy neighbors. They leave their little 10-pound dog outside all winter long. The kids are everywhere, leaving trash on other neighbors’ lawns. The parents don’t watch the kids, they expect the rest of the adults in the cul-de-sac to be free babysitters. On 4th of July they left a 6-year-old and a 3-year-old outside alone unsupervised lighting off exploding fireworks. A couple weeks ago, the grade-school-aged kids were out past 2am yelling and playing in the cul-de-sac; while I assume the adults were inside passed out drunk (based on what I saw from the adults, aka lots of drinking and someone drive off that was clearly drunk because they could hardly back the car out of the driveway, in fact, someone else had to back out their car and turn it around for them, then the other person got in and drove off) earlier that evening).
I judge my aunt and uncle’s overall parenting. Their kid is obese and unhappy as a direct result of how they are raising him.
The weight is not genetics at all, I know both sides of the family for 3 generations; and I’ve seen how his parents have changed since he was born. They feed him crap, and not just for “treats”. They bring pizza & cookies to every family dinner “in case Johnny doesn’t like the food”, they order him super-sized sugary drinks and keep soda on-hand in their trunk for him to drink. One time I was with them, we went into a restaurant, got seated, the waitress took our drink order, then the kid’s mom looked at the menu and said “oh, we can’t eat here, there’s nothing for Johnny!” (i.e. there were no chicken strips on the menu because that’s all the kid was eating). So we got up and left, without even paying for our drinks. Up until he was about 8, they told him every food was “chicken”.
The kid is 10 years old now, they still wipe his nose for him and wipe his butt when he goes to the bathroom.
If the teacher says anything she thinks their son needs to work on during parent/teacher conferences, my uncle gets in a tizzy about how bad the teacher is and she should be fired. The schools actually told my aunt she can’t volunteer anymore because she was at the school every day with her son.
His parents also don’t teach him how to act around animals, even though they have a dog (which thankfully is a very very patient animal). He kicked my parents’ senior-age toy poodle off a 4 foot deck because he “thought it would be fun”. I don’t trust him to be alone around my dogs at all, if my dogs are outside and he goes outside, I have to go outside or bring my dogs in. Last time they visited, his mom told him to stomp his feet at one of my dogs! My dog was being good, and he goes over and starts stomping in her face!
His mom does his school projects for him, because he “doesn’t feel like it”. And not that she’s just helping him; the kid isn’t involved at all, she does the entire project for him.
HE HAS ZERO DEVELOPMENTAL PROBLEMS, there is no reason for them to be doing this except they have centered their entire lives around Johnny. I’ve been watching this train-wreck since he was born, what I’ve mentioned is a very small amount of what I’ve seen in the last 10 years.
I think it’s all perhaps stemmed from marriage problems, though I don’t see what happens behind closed doors and they’ve never said anything about their relationship not being good. But I don’t think they are happy anymore, and I know they’ll never get divorced even if they were miserable because that would let others know they aren’t the “perfect family”; I think they pour all their time & energy into trying to please their kid so they don’t have to deal with their own relationship issues, and they are blinded to what they are really doing to their child.
I judge parents at youth sporting events for grade-school-age kids that can’t remember these are KIDS. The ones in the stands that get kicked out for yelling stuff like “What the f— was that call? Hey ref, are you blind?” and yelling at their kid “Quit being a loser, go after it! what the hell is wrong with you?! Are you stupid or something?!”
I judge parents who don’t buckle in their kids. I know kids can sometimes unbuckle themselves, but I’m talking about when you see them loading up in the car and there is zero effort made to even tell the kids “buckle up”, and then they drive away without seatbelts. I don’t care if the adult wears a seatbelt, but kids cannot make an informed decision because they don’t realize what the consequences could be if they don’t.
I judge parents that provide alcohol to high schoolers for big drinking parties, with the excuse “I did it so could take their keys if they were drunk! I was giving them a safe place to drink!”. How about you just not give teenagers alcohol to begin with?
On the flip-side, I think “judging” can also be postive. There are some families/parents I look at as role-models: I see things they do or how they handle certain situations and think “Wow, they did that better than I would have; I would have never thought to approach the situation in that manner! I need to remember this!”