Post # 1
Financial reasons, emotional?
My SO has decided on two main reasons-
1) He doesn’t “feel” ready and doesn’t picture himself being engaged right now.
2) He doesn’t want the attention from our families.
I understand the first reason (if he doesn’t feel emotionally prepared I’m not going to push it) and think the second is ridiculous, but I have no say in when he decides to propose (or not). We had agreed on this winter but he’s made it clear that plan isn’t happening.
What about you, ladies? What’s his reasoning?
Post # 2
I voted “other” because it’s a combination of financial and emotional. He’s very traditional in some respects and, as such, very much has that “the man should be a provider” mentality. He thinks he’s not in the right place to ask me to marry him because his job isn’t what he wants it to be and he’s struggling to make ends meet some months. He says he has nothing to offer me, and I’m like “…I don’t want the extraneous crap, I want you“.
And as for emotional, he thinks we haven’t been together long enough. Which he’s completely entitled to feel, since we’ve been together less than a year. But then again, when you know, you know. It just irks me because he says that he knows in his heart that he wants me to be his wife, but that his brain just hasn’t gotten there yet. He even told me several months ago (when we’d only been together three or four months) to start rebuilding my old wedding binder. I’d had one before, since an ex of mine said he wanted to marry me, but that ex didn’t love me and the only reason he wanted me was because I looked like his ex, so I threw everything away except for the binder itself and a couple pictures of dresses.
So, on the one hand, I understand and am trying to be patient… But on the other hand, I can’t help it. We both have this thing where our brains just start jumping into the future. I’ve been trying to shut mine up, but when he does it, too, it’s just like “Staaaaaaaaahp.”
Post # 3
I picked other because one is financial reasons and the other is he says he has a plan and a date picked. He is very firm on sticking to this date and wont move it closer. He says some time in december but he told me that he said that to throw me off.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
musician32992: I’m really sorry he’s postponing on you 🙁 Why did he take you ring shopping if he really doesn’t want to be engaged??
I understand that sometimes guys just aren’t ready yet. It took my Darling Husband a long time because he just wasn’t ready to be engaged, even though we owned a home together. I know how frustrating it can be when it feels like you’re waiting forever 🙁 I don’t get the family thing though. Have you met his family?
Post # 5
FutureDrAtkins: Yeah, that part makes me sad. At least I know the ring is perfect. I’m just mostly upset because we were supposed to be engaged for the holidays and now that’s not going to happen. No engagement means no Christmas together.
His family treats me like we’re married already. However, he’s a very private person and his family tends to be a little nosy and sometimes overwhelming with big news. His cousin just got married and it was all that anyone talked about for almost a year. So that part I kind of do understand, he doesn’t want the whole family to be obsessing over a wedding that’s 3 years away.
Post # 6
I voted financial bc we’ve got some big changes and big expenses coming up. We are going to move when I get a new job, but don’t know where. Could be 2 hours away, could be 2 days away.
With moving expenses and the stresses of us moving, both getting new jobs, etc it’s not the right time. sigh!
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2016 - Modern, Classic, Fun
musician32992: I think for me and SO its a mix of financial and other. With SO, much like PP have mentioned, he is very tradtional in that “the man should provide” for his wife and family (family being me and our dog!) and since both him and I have had a rough run with jobs (we’ve both been unemployed at different times throughout our relationship) it has been hard for us to really get established. Also, he believes he should have all this money saved up to actually pay for the wedding before proposing, when from my perspective, we should get engaged FIRST, and then talk finances and save for the wedding we want. But I guess that’s just the differences in opinions. Some men are just more practical in their thinking and I know SO thinks more with dollars and cents, where I think with my romantic heart (ugh!). I also said other because as a result of waiting, I have gotten a bit resentful and bitter at times — which has resulted in picking fights and some not so great times in our relationship. I’ve since worked on that and have learned to just focus on the relationship and not so much the ring and it has been better. Right now, for us I think it is strictly financial!
Post # 8
musician32992: I’m sorry he did that to you. Thats a bit mean to take you rng shopping when hes really not ready. That had to get your hopes up 🙁
Post # 9
We are both still in school, and neither one of us is financially independent. We don’t want to get engaged until we’re ready (financially) to be married, which won’t be until at least another 2 and a half years when we’re out of school.
Post # 10
musician32992: It is a combination for me as well.
Financial is definitely an issue – although he just got a great new job and we moved in together this month! So we are headed in the right directions but he doesnt understand why people would put themselves in debt over a wedding and why they would pay so much for a wedding if they don’t have a house. And we are FAR from that.
Emotional is an issue as well. I know he loves me – a lot. And we have talked about marriage and kids. We have been together 3 years and he will say “when we get married” but at the same time he thinks it is a HUGE step (which it is) and he doesnt want to rush anything and end up like everyone we know (divorced or unhappy). He is right, we are in no rush but we did browse rings last month 🙂
Post # 11
my boyfriend has asked me to send him the ring i want, metal specification, carat size, ring size, etc. and when i bring up the subject he has given me 3 different answers “you have to give me until at least christmas” or “with all the money we’ve spent on the house i need to get saved up more so we can actually afford the wedding after we get engaged” or last night he just said “it will be before september, stop pushing it” so basically i am just letting it go, and trusting that it will happen when he is ready and i should enjoy this time regarless if my title is “girlfriend” or “fiance” 🙂
Post # 12
Future_Mrs_Craig: Mine used to do that and now he’s pushed the engagement date back. Twice. At this point I’ve really given up because he’s gone from “soon” to “I’m not ready” to “I’m not sure if I want to get married”.
My walk date is the end of Spring 2015, which is when he promised he’d propose by. Does it suck? Yes. Do I love him? Of course. Am I willing to spend the rest of my 20’s waiting for someone that doesn’t want to marry me? No.
Post # 13
musician32992: You are right, the second reason is a load of bullshit. And I know because my ex husband used to come out with the same crap. That’s why he kept our relationship a secret for over 5 years, and took a year to tell his parents when we got engaged.
If I’d had any sense back then – and I certainly had no excuse, I was 25 when I met him – I would have told him to fuck off.
I’m sorry, but learn from my experience…I wouldn’t want to be engaged to a man who is so stunningly immature.
Post # 14
msformaldehyde: He agreed to take me for my birthday. It was just to try the ring we both loved, but now there’s no reason to even talk about it. I can’t even bring up the topic of engagement without him getting pissy, so I’ve stopped.
His family keeps talking about “for your wedding” and “when you get married” and he just cringes. I’ve set a walk date and I’m sticking to it, since he picked this date all by himself and promised that’s when I’ll have a proposal by. I hate when people keep telling me that he’s just messing with me so he can surprise me with a proposal, but they don’t know him at all. He is not a “surprises” kind of person and never will be.
Post # 15
Baal: It’s funny, because he’s more than happy to show me off as his girlfriend- I met his parents after we dated for three weeks! For some reason he just doesn’t want to upgrade to fiance status because he thinks that the families will obsess over it. They ARE very nosy and get very excited about things, so I kind of understand- he has one aunt that comments on every single facebook photo of us asking if I have an engagement ring yet.