(Closed) What reusable situational jokes do you love? Which make you cringe?

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
2511 posts
Sugar bee

iarebridezilla:  I’ve done the tripping over something but I’ll apologize to the inanimate thing like I bumped into a person.

As for the keys, I’d try to avoid the overly used “won’t get far joke” too and just say I was hoping it’d get stolen. (Worked better with an old car!)

Post # 3
2511 posts
Sugar bee

Oh and one that makes me cringe; I used to be a cashier and EVERY TIME something wouldn’t ring up, without failure, the customer would say “So it’s free right?” harty har har

Post # 5
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have a few, which I hate (but use):

#1 “That’s what she said!”  – whenever it can be inappropriately added to a statement.

#2 When someone wants to borrow something (ie a pen), and says “May I see your pen?!”  I hold it up and go ‘see!!’ and do not immediately hand it over.  (An old boss did it once to me, so annoying…lol)

#3 “Im going to run over to so and so’s house to pick up x,y,z”.  My programmed response:  “I would drive, it will be quicker”.  (when i obviously know they were planning on driving…)




Post # 8
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club

Whenever I can’t get something to work, I tell Fiance that he broke it.  He replies, “Nope, you’ve just got your ‘mouth/elbow/random body part’ held wrong.”  It’s a dad joke and he’s not even a dad yet, but it makes me laugh.  Blender’s broken?  Nope, you’re just not holding your knee at the right angle for it to work. 

I have to take customer calls and ask, “Is there anything else I can help you with today?” “Yeah, do you have the winning lottery numbers?! Hahahahaha!” …if I had those, would I have just spent 45 minutes talking to you about drug testing and your hesitance to do it?  Ugh.

Post # 9
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

They aren’t as reusable as others, but I always appreciate a good date joke:

“Justin Timberlake must be so excited.  It’s April 30.  Tomorrow, it’s gonna be May.”

Which reminds me…

It’s October 1.  Better go wake up Green Day.

Post # 11
8694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’ve been using “the struggle is real” and “first world problems” alot because I’m surrounded by lawyers and we unjustifiably complain about the dumbest crap in the world.

I hate “that’s what (s)he said” (mainly because I’m always late to the party and someone else says it before me haha).

Post # 12
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

iarebridezilla:  When I trip on something, be it real or imaginary, I like to use, “Ay! Sorry dog!” a la Anjelah Johnson. If you haven’t seen her, look her up on YouTube. “Sorry dog” is in her Homecoming Show and it’s perfect for when you trip on shit!

Post # 13
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m at a low level job right now, and for me and most of my (extremely overqualified) co-workers its just a temporary situation until we can find something better. Whenever stupid things go wrong at work, we love to go, “This is above my pay grade!!” to make all of us laugh.

Post # 14
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

My husband and I love to bust out the double entendre “let’s do it” joke. Example: “Do you want to go out and get some dinner tonight?” “Yeah let’s do it! …And then we should go to dinner.”  Wah wahhhh. It’s so dumb but it always makes me laugh, every single time. 

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