(Closed) What right do you have to criticize overweight women? NWR

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Eww, I would never talk to my family if this is what they talked like.

Post # 4
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@Pinksapphire: My mom is the exact same way. She used to be a very thin person. Since having 3 kids and bad eating habits, she is considered overweight. She will rag on people who gain even the slightest bit of weight, even if that person is still smaller than her.

Take my sister-in-law for example. She asked for new pants for Christmas in a bit of a larger size since having my niece and nephew, and my mom commented on how she needed new clothes b/c she let herself get fat. Last time I checked, a size 8 wasn’t anywhere near fat. But my mom makes comments like this to me all the time. I don’t understand it and I have no idea why she thinks it’s ok. I usually try to ignore her when she makes the comments b/c they’re just plain rude. 

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly it sounds like she has a lot of self-hate going on and is projecting her hatred of her own body to everyone else. 

Have you ever tried to talk to her about it? Let her know how much it has affected you and your self-esteem?

Have you tried to talk to your brother or sister away from her about how crazy your mom’s thinking currently is?

Post # 6
Member
843 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@KatNYC2011: This.  I was going to say exactly this.

Post # 7
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

That’s awful but I would try not to let it get to you because it really does sound like she’s pointing out the things in others that she dislikes most in herself. (Ie being overweight.) I agree with KatNYC2011, it’s self-hate that she’s projecting on others.

 

Post # 8
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think your mother feels down about her own appearance, and she projects that on to other people. Honestly, I would call her out on it.

Post # 10
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

self-hate, indeed.  i’m not happy with the direction the scale went for me the last few years either, but your mom needs to figure out that overweight and being a good person are not mutually exclusive.  that’s pretty disgusting, and i hate to say it but she’s going to ruin your brother’s and sister’s lives if she pushes them too hard…that or permanently alienate them (they way she seems to be in danger of doing with you).

Post # 11
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

@Pinksapphire: That’s terrible that she would say that to you, but she kind of sounds like the classic bully, and she has your brother and sister on her “team.”  She is bullying you because you disagree with her and aren’t feeding into her BS.

Post # 12
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Pinksapphire: I am so sorry. It really is very hard when someone who should love you unconditionally can be so hurtful. I still think it comes from deep-seated self hatred and a feeling that if she feels she’s not good enough at her size that no one who is even slightly overweight could possibly be happy or fulfilled in anyway. 

I know it doesn’t make it any better, but all these comments have everything to do with her, and not with you.

If you can find a way to get through to your brother it’d be worth doing. If you are close with him maybe talk to him about how it’s affected you. Focus on how your mom is not a bad person (you don’t want to make it us vs them) but just talk about what that kind of thinking can do to all of those around them.

Post # 13
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It sounds like she is trying to ‘save’ you from the life she’s chosen for herself.

Also – at one point, I was a lot heavier than I am now…. I was close to 250 (never weighed myself at my heaviest) and the thing was – I didn’t realize how big I was.  Perhaps your mom, while she knows she has to lose weight – doesn’t realize just how big she is…..

Post # 14
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@Pinksapphire: I feel for you guys, b/c my mom has made me feel terrible about my own self image on multiple occasions. I definitely had a good amount of self esteem issues until recently as well. 

The problem with your brother is going to be when he gets married and his wife doesn’t immediately take off the baby weight. I hope your mom and your sister don’t criticize her the way that my mom criticizes my SIL. It’s horrible…and there’s no talking to them. My mom is a very stubborn and controlling person. She’s never wrong, and if you get mad at her, she immediately turns it around and is furious with you. So “talking” to her about it certainly doesn’t help.

Post # 15
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@KatNYC2011: this. she’s definitely projecting her hate for her own body onto others.

 

The next time she makes some comment, I’d tell her to look in a mirror, you’re no skinny princess yourself. It’d probably hurt her immensely and maybe she’d get the point that it’s not cool to talk like that. If those family members are going to talk or treat you like that, I’d spend as little time as possible with them and they’d probably be getting an earful from me on how shallow, superficial, and pathetic their comments are.

Post # 16
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

My Mom is the same way, although she is actually thin so it doesn’t seem as strange. She’s prejudiced against overweight people, especially women, because she’s always worked so hard to maintain her figure and feels like everyone else should do the same. It is embarassing sometimes though because I’ll be out in public wiht her and she’ll make a loud comment to me about someone nearby who is overweight..

Her additude gave both me and my sister eating disorders which we  have pretty much overcome in adulthood, but it was a long and painful process. We were raised to think that gaining weight was the worst thing you could ever do and only if you’re thin can you be pretty. Not a good thing to teach your daughters!!  

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