Post # 32
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
My grandmother, and by extension, my Mother are like this. My grandma seriously starves herself and my Mom is such a yo-yo dieter. My mom is either 200 lbs or 100 lbs. When I was younger, I was heavily bulimic and about a size 14. I was actually plus size modeling with an agency in NYC and my mom would constantly tell me she didn’t know why they liked me. Even now, one of the reasons I’ve put off dress shopping is because she told me I didn’t deserve to go until I lost some weight. I remember when I got my first period she told me that I had to be careful now because I was more likely to get fat, because I had my period. When I was treated for bulimia I remember all she was concerned about was buying me professional whitening for my teeth. I remember she actually said that I didn’t need therapy I just needed zoom whitening.
I hate that this is so common among us women, but I had to share my story.
Post # 33
@eagle: I love when you see plus size model on the runway they look huge and in real life, you look at them and think “Damn, she is smoking hot” and realize that the “plus size” model is like a size 10. It makes you realize that standing next to a model, a coat rack could develop an eating disorder.
I wonder if their mothers made them feel bad too? And their mothers before them? Ladies, we need to stop the cycle!
Post # 34
@eagle: It’s so horrifying when a child has an eating disorder and the parent doesn’t acknowledge there’s a problem. My best friend a decade and a half ago developed an eating disorder and became an exercise addict because her plump mother was always critical of her and her weight but RAVED about how wonderful her older sister was (I never understood this, the sister was nothing special at all). So my friend cut her eating down to the bare minimum and started taking rigorous dance classes five times a week. Pretty soon she was skin and bones, and her mother finally started praising her. “Oh just look how wonderful she looks, she’s loving her dance classes and she’s been watching what she eats…” while the rest of us looked at all the bones sticking out of her chest and were like, “Wonderful? She’s wasting away.”
Eventually my friend was hospitalized and began treatment for her eating disorder. Her mother called my mother with the news and asked if I would go visit my friend in the hospital. “Apparently she’s depressed!” her mother said. Yeah, no shit Sherlock. I wonder why?
Post # 35
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
@Rubies: I know my Mom complains about my gramma making her feel fat. Yet… she does it to me, too. It is a horribly perpetuating cycle, and it DOES need to stop. And yes I agree about the plus size models – I look back on photos when i was a 12/14 when I was modelling, and I look TINY. I’m about an 18 now (thanks birthing hips!) and a 12 looks tiny to me. I was HEALTHY then. Not fat and ugly like my Mother made me feel.
@linguo42: My cousin was like that too. She was always tiny, like no more than 5’3 and 95 pounds. Her Mom was SO overbearing and just always in her face about dance and being perfect and everything… and then she was so flabbergasted when her daughter got down to 62 pounds and had to stay in the hospital for the summer. She just kept saying “apparently Erin has anorexia!” … when your 19 year old child weighs 62 pounds, and you don’t recognize they are anorexic… you have a problem.
Post # 36
I am so glad my mom is not like this. When I was about 10, I spent the summer with my aunt and I didn’t see my mom for a few weeks. When she came to pick me up at my aunt’s house, I overheard her tell my aunt that I looked like I put on weight. It’s really sad that this memory is engraved in my mind. It was the one and only time she made a negative comment about my weight.
I am already completely obsessed with my weight; I can’t imagine how much worse I would be if my mom talked like this all the time. I hope I never utter a single word of negative body image when I have children.
In the words of Jerry Springer, “Be kind to yourself; and each other.”
Post # 37
@kelly105: What you said about body image and your children is really important, imo. One of the reasons I am working so hard to separate my own body image from my mother’s influence is so I don’t pass on the obsession and negative aspects to my own children (especially daughters).
I want to raise healthy children, but I don’t want my daughters to feel as though their self-worth and happiness is determined by their weight, which is the message my mother sends to me.
Post # 38
People bash things so that they aren’t associated w/them. “If I say being gay is an abomination, no one will think I’m gay,” etc.
It’s sad that they can’t accept who they are.
What’s even more sad is how your mother talks to you. 🙁 If a friend’s mom ever spoke to her like that in front of me, I would GO OFF. She desperately needs therapy. And a reality check. As do your siblings. It wouldn’t hurt for you to seek therapy, as well, just to undo some of the damage this woman has inflicted throughout your whole life. Your situation makes me sad. The fact that you can even stomach being around this woman is astonishing to me. I’m sorry… I know she’s your mom, but… wow.
Post # 39
I would probably wind her up constantly to get under her skin. I would pinch her fat and laugh when she least expects it, make comments about the food in her house, and if she makes comments about my weight I would shrug and say “like mother like daughter”. She sounds like a very unhappy person. I’m sad for your siblings.
Post # 40
urgh I’m sorry I couldn’t handle being around someone like that, you are a saint for putting up with that.
Post # 41
Well why doesn’t anyone say it back to them? ?? I don’t understand why family members just say “well that’s just how she’s always been” my SIL acts exactly like this! And that’s what my Mother-In-Law said to me. The world is a narcissistic place because ppl like that have not learnt how to be tactful.
Post # 42
People are kind of dicks,that’s just the way things are. For example my Future Brother-In-Law has a tendency to call Fiance a fag at any show of emotion, while it hurts Fiance feelings mainly because he’s brother is brushing him off and calling him names instead of actually talking to him he doesn’t let it get to him because he is really annoyed that he brother is acting like a bigot but we both know that he is just projecting his insecurities on to Fiance. We both know that his bro is bi ad isn’t open with it so yeah. I’m bi and so is Future Sister-In-Law so no one would care if he did come out openly, well maybe his wife but I digress. Any who, that is the only reason that anyone would put down fat people, because its all about to fear of being ugly. And while fat doesn’t equate to ugly, fear isn’t rational hence the outrageous behaviors.
As far as people calling others fat or ugly why, in my opinion they only person who can talk shit about you is you(I do all the time to my Fiance annoyance) anyone else just looks like an asshole or a bully. And no one likes a bully