- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2010
So, this is going to be a bit of a novel. Apologies in advance.
My father has been largely absent from my life since my parents split when I was 13 – this has been, mostly, the result of my choices due to his actions. To provide a little context, these actions ranged from cheating on my mother (I’m the one who found out and told her), physically and mentally abusing my brother and I, trying to have my brother claimed as mentally incompetent so that my father could get my mother to pay child support after my brother turned 18 (without my bro’s knowledge – ps: he’s fine). You get the picture.
I haven’t spoken to my father in two years as another issue we had over the wedding. Since I became pregnant, though, I felt as if I owed it to him to let him know, and to open the door a smidgen just in case things changed. He responded positively, and asked that I phone him. I spent a week trying to get up the nerve.
During this week, he mailed a package to my mother full of all of the photos he took from our albums as a result of the divorce, along with father’s day cards and all the crafts we made him as small children. That was this week. It upset my mother so much – why, seriously, would a father do that? Other than to cut himself off, really.
So, I wrote him a short, concise but very terse and firm note about how if that’s how he wants to be, then he doesnt’ deserve to be a grandfather either. That I won’t be contacting him anymore.
Husband (who only caught much of the estrangement, and not much of the action in comparison to a lot of it) thinks I over reacted a smidge. Mom’s on my side, but everyone seems to think I took it too far.
But really, and here’s my topic for debate – what rights do grandparents have when they don’t even want to be parents? Not legally – morally.
Further more – when you do get pregnant, are you obligated to tell them?