(Closed) What rude things did friends/family say during wedding planning?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 136
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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Honeybee0214:  wooow. I’d reply something savage. 

If the mate is married – “your invite was lost in the mail, but I’m too busy dealing with clucking to care”

If mate is unmarried – “I have a partner that wants to spend the rest of their life with me and throw a huge party to celebrate….and you?”

Post # 137
Member
35 posts
Newbee

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nightborn:  Oh dude, Mr Spock and I are planning on getting engaged now after almost ten years together and having owned a house together for two – I’m gearing up for the same responses :/

Post # 138
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Booked a venue this past weekend and heard this gem from a family member: make sure you dont put too much money down and see if the deposits are refundable, you never know what might happen in a year and a half or if the wedding will even happen. 

Post # 139
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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honeybee1234: 

OH I HAVE SO MANY! 

1) Flowers: 

“You want flowers? 

Flowers are such a waste of money. When you look back on the day do you really think you’re going to remember your flowers? Think of all the money you’re going to waste! Besides, it’s not eco at all. Couldn’t you do something that saves the earth and not be so caught up on whether you have flowers at your wedding? Do you think your Fiance is going to remember the flowers? 

Why don’t you do something that everyone can bring home?  Like a plant. “(Half of my guests are flying in from overseas – how are they going to bring said plant home?) 

 

2) Hotels: 

“Why did you choose XYZ hotel? The room block rate is so high. Man I need to find another hotel” (We provided three hotel room blocks) 

“Oh, and it’s such a long drive from the airport. “

 

3) Inviting People We Aren’t Close To:

“You didn’t invite A&B, and C&D? Why not?”

 

4) Self Inviting:

Said A&B couple from point 3, wife asking Fiance point blank at a huge Superbowl Sunday meetup (I was still away then) 

“Hey, are you guys gonna invite us to your wedding or what?” 

 

5) Wedding Dress:

“I dunno, it just seems so not you.” Said a gf whom I sent photos of about 20 dresses. Every dress was not right in her eyes as she had hers custom made by a local designer. 

 

6) E-Ring 

“That’s a cuuute ring.” My ring is NOT cute. WTF. 

 

7) Oh, why the rush:

“Oh you mean he proposed? It’s quite soon isn’t it. That’s really fast. Uhmmm wow, okay.” Said two 36 year olds at brunch – both of whom have been hitting up clubs and Vegas trying to find a boyfriend. 

Post # 140
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

My mom: Calls my fiance fat/needs to lose weight on a regular basis before we can even think of being married. (I love him just the way he is!) 

First time I showed her my ring, asked me if it was even real and how much it costs.

Future Mother-In-Law: Asked me to show her wedding dresses I really liked online. I sent quite a lot in different styles but mainly slim fitting, beaded/lace dresses. She responds by saying “Its too much for me and wouldn’t work for my body type” (I’m 5″5″ 110lbs petite frame, I know what works for me)

Future Sister-In-Law bf: First time I ever met him he announced to everyone at thanksgiving dinner table that once I’m married to him I’m his property now.

& SMH to the other bees and the outrageous comments you’ve endured.. I feel you.

 

Post # 141
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

engagement annoucnement to in laws , “Oh” was the reaction.

asked who I’m asking to be in wedding repeatedly, ” just one BM” and comments were made after wards that “a friend of mine had did that and we felt so excluded” 

wheres “congratulations” I’m happy for you” ” wow how nice she must be important to you” 

 

Post # 142
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2018

It wasn’t a rude comment, but a school friend who got engaged about 6 weeks before my other half asked me the question, completely ignored our announcement.I was over the moon for her and her significant other and wished them well, sent a card, bottle of fizz etc when they got engaged. She’s not even said congratulations, I thought we were pretty good friends as well. Nevermind. 

Post # 143
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

I called an aunt to tell her the news and the convo went a bit like this:

Me: Hey! I wanted to call and tell you that Future Mr. Ladylovebug asked me to marry him! 

Her: …And you told him hell no, right?

Me:….I told him hell yes actually….

Her:…..

Me:….

It was by far one of the most awkward conversations I’ve had regarding my engagement. And I have no idea where her reaction came from. My family loves my Fiance and they all get along fantastically, so I’m not sure what she was thinking. My mom thinks she may have been joking, but still. Not exactly the nicest reaction 

Post # 144
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My husband and I were planning to elope from the get-go for various reasons (finances, potential family issues, etc.) but each of us told a tiny handful of very close friends our plans. Well on his end everyone was very happy and excited. On my end…

“Are you sure about this?”

“Are you sure you’re not just insecure and rushing into marriage because you’re scared to be alone?”

“You’re not doing marriage the right way. He’s supposed to ask permission, and you have to have it in x place with x amount of people…”

Then the best part: a couple of them took it upon themselves to inform other people that this was going to happen because they were “concerned about me regretting my decision later.” Including my *very* unhappy parents who I knew would not be pleased with the decision for multiple reasons, all of them unfair to me and my husband. So from them:

“You’re making the worst decision of your life and I know you will regret it.”

“There’s still time to change your mind, it’s not too late.”

“You are inconsiderate and I can’t believe you would consider doing such a thing. And I don’t think much of him either if he’s willing to do this to his family as well.”

Actually his family couldn’t be happier for us, and is just very excited that we’re married and extremely supportive. They think our elopement makes for a beautiful love story and love telling it to anybody who will listen. It’s just my side of the family who had issues with it. Ah well, they’ve gotten over it and absolutely love him now. And apologized for everything they said.

Post # 145
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

MY Fiance: Dad, I’m engaged!

Future Father-In-Law: why?

My older, unmarried sister: wow, already? Maybe me and (current BF) should get married.

 

Everyone else was super happy and excited though!

Post # 146
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

We got engaged midway through last year. Fiance and his bro haven’t been on speaking terms for a while, so him and his gf were the only ones that didn’t congratulate us. 

They got engaged a few months later and we made sure to congratulate and be excited for them. You know, above it and all that.

They’ve decided on a date (April), now the FMI tells me that I can’t have our wedding close to theirs. Not in the same year. (I’m looking at December ffs). I have some elderly grandparents that i’m worried won’t be around in “a few years”. Why the hell should I have to organise around the two people who I don’t even know would come?! The two who didn’t even have the courtesy to rsvp to our engagement party! I would love for my grandparents to be able to make my wedding considering they are my only grandparents left. 🙁 Feeling very disheartened today. 

Post # 147
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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honeybee1234:  My favourite rude thing from my ‘best friend’: “Oh no you’re engaged now too? I was hoping I’d get a break from being maid of honour all the time..” (She’s NOT going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor.)

Post # 148
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

“It’s good that you’re only eloping. You can’t have a wedding when you’re divorced”.

Mate, it’s my wedding and I’ll dance down the aisle in a tutu if I want. Being divorced doesn’t mean you have to do everything in secret like you’re ashamed of it.

Post # 149
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Sassafraz in Toronto, Ontario

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futuremrsguzman:  That was my Dad’s exact reaction as well! I held it together on the phone but sobbed for so long afterwards. It still hurts to think about. It eventually came out that he was happy, I guess it just caught him off guard?

Post # 150
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Future Mother-In-Law (who is actually usually a SUPER COOL PERSON and I love her more than my own mother) told us she ‘wasn’t trying to shame us’ but ‘we should feel ashamed’ for not throwing the big fat greek wedding of her dreams…  She got mad we invited people who couldn’t make it, and that that was offensive, and that we should have just eloped.  I’ve never heard of bending over backwards to make sure every.single.guest. can come, or being offended that someone has a wedding that 3rd parties can’t make it to.

 

She bullied us for so many months that our wedding of 30 adults-only has turned into a wedding of 58 with 16 kids.  16!  We can’t afford babysitters for that and they are all too young to sit at a kids table.  It’s infuriating-we wanted a relaxed afternoon in the mountains and now we’re getting a kid’s birthday party essentially.  And we’re getting crap for not being more excited about it, not doing more to accomodate them, not spending more money on them.  Whose wedding is this?  Hers? Ours? The kids?  

Also Fiance did not want a photographer and I didn’t care too much so we were going to go without until Future Mother-In-Law bullied him into that one too.  Now, 14 months after choosing our venue, and 4 months before the wedding, she has decided to flip out over the venue.  It’s too rustic, it doesn’t have amenities for kids, for old people, etc.  She’s right!  And if she hadn’t meddled so much with the guest list it would be a non-problem!  This is the one thing we are not budging on.  This close to the date, if we had to get a new venue then we would have to change the date.  This date is our 7th anniversary and it is very important to us.  FI has (mostly) done a good job of setting some boundaries lately but we both caved on too much too soon and now she knows what tactics work on us.  She claims this most recent beratement was the last one and that from now on she’s going to be a good sport and show up supportive… But if you decide you want to be supportive and be a good sport, do you need one last huzzah on the shame train?  

Let me be a cautionary tale.  Some people see genuine attempts at compromise as opportunities to see how far you can push other peoples’ limits to get what you want.  Stand up for yourself or else you will be googling ‘discount bouncy houses near me’ at 2:00 am.

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