(Closed) What rude things did friends/family say during wedding planning?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 76
Hostess
1707 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We had our wedding about 2 hours away from where I grew up, and where most of my family lives.  We also had guests coming in from all over the country, so we had room blocks at a hotel.  Some of my aunts assumed this meant that we were PAYING FOR THEIR HOTEL ROOMS.  And that we’d just arrange it all for them, they just needed to show up.  These were people who hadn’t even RSVP until I called them after the deadline.  

Also, my Mother-In-Law kept going on and on about how she couldn’t believe she was “Letting” us get married in Oklahoma in August (with an outdoor ceremony no less).  (The joke was on her – the weather was downright pleasant that day – even I wasn’t hot in my giant dress until I spent a good while on the dance floor!)

Post # 77
Member
413 posts
Helper bee

Saying “Having a buffet dinner instead of a sit down was tacky” even though 95% of the weddings at my venue are this style (and By The Way I tend to like better).

Oh and that comment “isnt half of your family blue collar workers, they wont bring a gift”—just a little bit snooty dont you think?  Im proud of my family no matter what they do

Post # 78
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Mom: it’s a good thing you chose a sheath style simple dress instead of a real wedding dress gown since you’re just having a civil ceremony afterall.  (instead of a Carholic church ceremony)

 

Ouch thanks mom…

Post # 79
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

“Your wedding sounds so cute! If our parents weren’t paying for ours we’d have a wedding like that since we wouldn’t have much money for a wedding either.” This from a coworker who got her dream wedding since she parents footed the whole bill and are VERY well off.

 

That or, “Oh my goodness! I can’t even imagine having a wedding budget!” from another coworker who’s parents paid for their wedding. They flew from Michigan to New York just to look at dresses and then flew back there seperately for each fitting. To this day she has NO idea how much her wedding cost but she thinks the dress was about $8500 before fittings. My whole wedding from start to finish was under $3000.

Post # 80
Member
1117 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Well, no one bothered saying it to me, but a group of people spread the rumour that DH was cheating on me with his best friend days before our wedding. They called Father-In-Law and told him all about it, and he came to me. He almost wouldn’t believe me that it was a ridiculous lie.

It was started by my Maid/Matron of Honor. She was not in my wedding.

Post # 81
Member
2667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

View original reply
Sirenbee87:  Thanks for the words of support! I know so many people who’ve had a far shorter engagement than we are (my dad and step mum, for example, had only 3 months) so I don’t understand why we’re getting this sort of reaction. I’m an incredibly organised person as it is, so I won’t even need a year to get everything together!

Post # 82
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

“Hurry up and give him babies.” – Some crazy ass relative who I had only met for the first time at the wedding weekend.

I’m currently getting treated for cancer… so I quietly laughed and walked away. 

Post # 83
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee

This thread is the best! 

 

My mum made a bit of a snarky comment a few weeks ago saying I have never even told her how we got engaged. I have, but I guess it’s not what is in her head. Fi and I were in Italy, staying in this really super amazing villa in Tuscany for the 5th anniversary of our being together. He just asked. No big fiasco, no big dramatic moment. Just the two of us, having been Together for 5 years, sitting in our Tuscan villa On a stunning morning. He had bought a Swarovski ring which I had previously mentioned I loved, and brought it with him from New Zealand. We later bought my ‘real’ e ring in Sienna. We shopped on the Ponte Vecchio in Florence but I didn’t find anything that felt right. Then in Sienna we sort of stumbled upon a jeweller and we found THE ring. It was perfect, and one lady spoke a little English, so with our little Italian, we purchased the ring. 

Anyway, that’s the story and for some reason my mum still feels like she doesn’t know. I don’t know what else to tell her. 

 

Also, talking about the wedding I have asked her what she did at hers. I have never been to a wedding so it’s all so new to me. She has made it perfectly clear that she had her dress made for her, but “we’ll just get yours off the rack.” Gee, thanks. Tried not to let it get to me too much, until she has decided she is getting her Mother of the Bride dress MADE! WHAT?! Just yesterday my nana said my dress would be made for me so I told her that no, mum said it will be off the rack. My nana just said “I’ll have a talk to her about that.” My nana always has my back! 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by garnobella.
Post # 84
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Miami

From my Mother-In-Law, after I got my hair highlighted: “Are you going to have your hair your natural color for the wedding, or like *that*?” There was also a hand gesture towards my expensively highlighted hair 😛

Also, my fiance and I date for several years and broke up, then got back together a year and half later. Dated for almost another year before getting engaged. By then, we’d certainly reestablished relationships with eachother families which all my friends should’ve been well-aware of, but the day after we got engaged, a good friend asked “Do your parents know?” Of course they knew!! They’d known it was coming for two weeks prior! Sure our story is a little messy, but I felt like she was impliying this was some stupid thing we did in secret and that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Post # 85
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Dad: I’m going to send you my list of guests

Me: Do I know these people? 

Dad: That doesn’t really matter 

:/ 

Post # 86
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

“Plated meals are stuffy, don’t you thinK” … “we’ve decided to have a plated meal”

“I want the groom/groomsmen to wear dark grey tuxes because that would look best with my dress” (from MIL)

“I looked up your venue. It’s pretty. It’s expensive, but it’s pretty.”

“What do you mean you’re not paying for a shuttle between the venue and hotel?”

“Can I ask you how much your wedding cost?”

I’m so glad wedding planning is over. What a nightmare.

Post # 88
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

“When are you going to start working out, you want to look good on your wedding day!”  Oh awesome I guess I look like crap now.  Thanks for adding to my body image issues.

I work in the wedding industry on $$$$ budget weddings, but do not have that budget myself.  I hear a lot of comments about using those weddings as “inspiration” or “maybe you could DIY something similar.”  I don’t WANT a fricking “production” like a $100k wedding since I see it 24/7.  I’d love something more low key but no one in the industry understands that.

From my Future Mother-In-Law – “You’ll have to get rid of your cat because I can’t ever stay over with a cat there.  You can’t have grandchildren and a cat either.  The cat will kill it.”  1.  We don’t want children.  2.  I’m not getting rid of a family member so you can visit us once a year.  Stay at a hotel and we’ll go out to dinner, or take an allergy pill (FI is the same level of allergic and he lives with a cat so she can freaking deal with it).  3.  She also implies my parents house isn’t clean because they have cats and is just all uppity.

A few more gems from Future Mother-In-Law:  “You can’t have your wedding on *insert list of random dates here* because they’re unlucky days and you’ll get divorced if you do.”  “You have to invite those 10 friends of mine (with +1s) to your small wedding” (even though I’m contributing less than 5% of the wedding budget).  “I told niece A and niece B that they’ll be flower girls!  They’re so excited!” (We’re having a child free wedding).

Post # 89
Member
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Alright, I’m back as promised since announcing on Saturday to my side of the family. We still have to do so with his side when we travel there in February.

My mom was pretty accepting/supportive so I wasn’t going to rock the boat too much. I let most the borderline rude comments kind of slide. But here they are:

“I mean…really I don’t even feel you need to have a wedding. In my eyes, a marriage is only something under god.” (She means in a Christianity sense)

After explaining to her the Vietnamese traditional ceremony at his father’s home and explaining to her that everyone would need to remember to removed their shoes at the houses…she claimed “Fine. But I still think the family altars in their houses are creepy.”…. :/ 

After going on about how she was fine with me just doing the Vietnamese ceremony in his family’s state because she doesn’t want me to do the christian ceremony too for her because I’m not Christian (which is fine and I was relieved that she was okay with that)….I told her we could still do a western themed ceremony without religious vows but she said she was fine with sticking to the one ceremony. She also went from wanting to dress shop (western dress) to saying the ao Dai were fine alone. Later though it was, “Seems like we’re focusing a lot on their side and traditions.” So lmao, I can’t win for nothing.

So thus far we’re planning to do one ceremony but with the vietnamese ceremony in the morning, a church ceremony at my fiancé’s mother’s church down there in the afternoon, and reception to end everything. Assuming his side doesn’t have an issue which we’ll see…his aunt may have some dramatic things to say but I’m crossing my fingers she’s well behaved when we visit.

 

 

Post # 90
Member
528 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
TwinkleBoss:  To address your concern, I actually do know exactly how much money they are working with as she told me (and it is very, very near to what my DH and I spent to have a Saturday wedding where we did properly host our guests).  She is quite open about all of her finances, both in general and in relation to her wedding.  Rather than spending money on areas that will benefit their guests, they have devoted large chunks of their budget to items that only affect them such as her dress, flowers, and photography.  It is perfectly fine to not have an open bar or a full dinner (so long as you plan around that – not having your reception during dinner time, etc), but it is not ok to treat your guests like crap (like saying you don’t care if they go hungry).  I don’t think it’s fair to say you can’t afford to pay for dinner for your guests, but you can afford a $4k photographer, $4k on flowers, or $2k+ on your dress.  Just my opinion, but that’s pretty damn selfish.

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