(Closed) What shall I do?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: What shall I do ?
    Move : (0 votes)
    Do not move : (9 votes)
    100 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    11271 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @SophieG:  you need to be on the same page when it comes to future goals.  you are obviously not right now.  it’s only been a year.  why the rush?  i wouldn’t move my family, quit my job and uproot my son from school in hopes that my bf will propose one day.  if marriage is important to you, wait until he proposes.  your relationship is still fairly new so he may change his mind one day.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1511 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @SophieG:  I agree with the previous poster.  

    Here’s the thing … If kids weren’t involved, I think I would feel differently about the whole situation.  I’m not the kind of person who thinks an engagement ring is a must before making any major type of move with a guy (I personally moved to be with my fiance and we were living together long before he proposed).  I do, however, think everything changes when it’s not just the two of you being affected by your choices.

    If it were me, I would keep things the way they are for now.  I don’t believe in ultimatums either, but I would definitely make sure he knows how you feel about marriage and merging your families at some point in the future.  It sounds like he may still be carrying some negative feelings toward marriage due to his previous relationship … And that’s not something you just get over quickly.  However, you also should consider your own wants and needs … If you don’t think you’ll be happy without the commitment of marriage, you shouldn’t have to settle.  You’ll just have to determine what’s right for you and your son and what you’re willing to sacrifice (if anything) for this particular relationship.

    Good luck!  I hope everything works out for you.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @SophieG:  Stand your ground and do not move in together until you are engaged. While I understand his negative marriage experience in the past, he is not living in the present and what marriage would mean with YOU, and he is not acknowledging your needs as much as you are acknowledging his. It is unfair of him to expect you to uproot your entire life, job, and your child’s life with no promise that he will commit to you. He will dangle before you how lovely it will all be for your future to entice you, but what, exactly, will you receive in return in this relationship if you move? I know it is hard to take, but the firmer you are in your life plan, the more likely you will achieve it and he will respect you for it. I speak from experience in a similar situation. Hang in there and best wishes!

     

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    8041 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @SophieG:  Don’t move without a ring. Uprooting a child is a big deal.

    Post # 11
    Member
    34 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I wouldnt move in just yet. If being engaged first is important to you, you should wait till it happens. You would not want to move in with him and then years later still not be engaged…and ultimatly end the relationship. Your son would not benifit from this.  But on another note!!!!! I moved in with my boyfriend when I had a two year old. He also did not have plans to marry and finally 10 years later we are engaged. I do believe if I waited to move in he would have asked me earlier. It is really hard being in a relationship with different values. Your heart will help you figure this one out 🙂

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