Post # 1
I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. I really love him and I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I really believe that he loves me too. He lives 70 miles away but despite that we spend a lot of time together. He comes at least once during the week (and spends the night) and we spend almost every weekend together either at his place, mine or away. Because I am a teacher we spend my holidays together too. He is great with my child and I like his children (they spend every other weekend with us)
He wants me to move in with him. I would absolutely love to do that (despite the fact that it means I have to find a new job and more importantly changing my son school , friends and so on ) I do believe that we will be happy together and that my son too will benefit from living in a happy family environment.
Despite all this, I want us to at least get engaged before we move in together!
We did talked about marriage but we do not really agree…..He had a bad previous marrige he felt traped she was pregnant and that is why he got married …she was quite neurotic …etc. He does not believe in marriage… just a piece of paper…. etc
I do feel that he loves me! We are incredibly happy together!
Yet, marriage is important to me.
I do not believe in ultimatums and I know that we have not been together for that long but I do want him to propose and maybe get married in a couple of years.
Should I move without an engagement ring?
I am ”scared” that he will never propose…..
Surely if he loves me he will propose even if he personally does not believe in marriage. He knows how I feel about marriage.
What shall I do ?
Post # 3
@SophieG: you need to be on the same page when it comes to future goals. you are obviously not right now. it’s only been a year. why the rush? i wouldn’t move my family, quit my job and uproot my son from school in hopes that my bf will propose one day. if marriage is important to you, wait until he proposes. your relationship is still fairly new so he may change his mind one day.
Post # 4
@mypinkshoes: Thanks for the reply. 🙁
Post # 5
@SophieG: I agree with the previous poster.
Here’s the thing … If kids weren’t involved, I think I would feel differently about the whole situation. I’m not the kind of person who thinks an engagement ring is a must before making any major type of move with a guy (I personally moved to be with my fiance and we were living together long before he proposed). I do, however, think everything changes when it’s not just the two of you being affected by your choices.
If it were me, I would keep things the way they are for now. I don’t believe in ultimatums either, but I would definitely make sure he knows how you feel about marriage and merging your families at some point in the future. It sounds like he may still be carrying some negative feelings toward marriage due to his previous relationship … And that’s not something you just get over quickly. However, you also should consider your own wants and needs … If you don’t think you’ll be happy without the commitment of marriage, you shouldn’t have to settle. You’ll just have to determine what’s right for you and your son and what you’re willing to sacrifice (if anything) for this particular relationship.
Good luck! I hope everything works out for you.
Post # 6
@angelinthesnowxo: thank you . I agree with you.
I would not even consider to move my son if I didn’t believe that we all be happy. And apart from my personal believe in marriage family I think that part of me wanting that engagement ring is the stability for my son’s future.
I have never felt the way he makes me feel ever in my life. I know I can make him happy and vice versa.
He wants us to live together.He talks about us spending the rest of our lives together. It would have been easier if he relocated. However he can’t since he runs his own business. I can find a teaching job fairly easy.
Post # 7
@SophieG: Stand your ground and do not move in together until you are engaged. While I understand his negative marriage experience in the past, he is not living in the present and what marriage would mean with YOU, and he is not acknowledging your needs as much as you are acknowledging his. It is unfair of him to expect you to uproot your entire life, job, and your child’s life with no promise that he will commit to you. He will dangle before you how lovely it will all be for your future to entice you, but what, exactly, will you receive in return in this relationship if you move? I know it is hard to take, but the firmer you are in your life plan, the more likely you will achieve it and he will respect you for it. I speak from experience in a similar situation. Hang in there and best wishes!
Post # 8
@Cornflakegirl: Thank you. My brain says the same thing ! Just hard when I love him so much!
Post # 9
@SophieG: any more comments please ?
Post # 10
@SophieG: Don’t move without a ring. Uprooting a child is a big deal.
Post # 11
I wouldnt move in just yet. If being engaged first is important to you, you should wait till it happens. You would not want to move in with him and then years later still not be engaged…and ultimatly end the relationship. Your son would not benifit from this. But on another note!!!!! I moved in with my boyfriend when I had a two year old. He also did not have plans to marry and finally 10 years later we are engaged. I do believe if I waited to move in he would have asked me earlier. It is really hard being in a relationship with different values. Your heart will help you figure this one out 🙂