What should he do?

posted 6 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Surely he can just send her a text or a voice mail? Maybe she blocked him on facebook but surely she didn’t call her phone network and literally block any calls from his number?

Does he have a responsibility to notify her in some other way?

Yeah he does, is this a real question? If he knows he has an STD and thinks it could have been from before they got together then he has a very real responsibility to tell her.  Even if an STD is curable it could lead to infertility or other serious problems if it isn’t dealt with and she could have no symptoms but still have a disease. 

Post # 4
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I don’t feel like he has any obligation to let her know… he found out after the relationship plus she has him blocked (how would he tell her anyways?). 

Most likely it came from one of the recent flings, but I might feel differently if I knew more about the circumstances and what it is. Did he start having symptoms that led him to get tested or did he find out about it because he had routine testing and was asymptomatic? 

Hopefully she has responsibility for her own health and gets tested regularly. 

Post # 5
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hmm, well, I think he should try his best to let her know, but if she blocked him on SM and her voicemail is full, I am not sure how he can get through to her. I guess he could just call her from someone else’s phone and see if she picks up, but a lot of people don’t pick up unrecognized numbers.

Post # 6
406 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Of course he should let her know, assuming he cannot be sure he got it after they broke up. Surely he could send an old fashioned letter if there is no way to get phone calls/texts or emails through?! There must be a way.

Also, clinics in the UK will often call ex-partners for you if you give them their number. He could try that if it’s the same where you are?

Post # 7
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

He should try to let her know. It’s a lot easier than people assume to block calls and texts – an iPhone will let you do it without contacting service providers or anything, so she probably did block his number. If he’s tried calling, texting, and Facebook/instagram/Snapchat/every other social media she has, he should try emailing. The only other option is to call and leave a voicemail from someone else’s phone. 

Post # 8
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Can’t he just email her? I’m sure there’s an email service or something that will email ex parents anonymously for you or something.

Honestly by the way she’s acting it sounds like she might’ve given it to him, blocking him on everything is a little over dramatic.

Post # 9
386 posts
Helper bee

If he has her number, then can’t he use your phone and message her ‘Hi, I have an STD and thought you should get tested incase you have it too. From (insert name)’.

Totally a responsibility. If I had got checked, then 6 months later I got checked and had an STD then I’d contact everybody in that time period I was with, regardless if they hated me or not.

Post # 10
897 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Yes, I think he has an obligation to let her know. Even if he has to write a letter and mail it to her.

Post # 11
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Yes, he should contact her either via snail mail or a text from somebody else’s phone.

Post # 12
6230 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

lauralaura123 :  Interesting responses here. While I agree that he has a responsibility to try to reach her, it sounds like she has blocked every feasible option. Sure he can send an email that may or may not wind up in spam because it can’t come from his usual address. Sure he can go out of his way to write a letter to her and mail it, assuming she won’t chuck it straight in the trash. Honestly I wouldn’t bother. I kind of feel like at this point it’s her problem. I’m also suspicious of any relationship the end that’s the really – it may be that she is the one who gave it to him. I notice no one here is insisting he contact all of his flings as well.

To those recommending that OP let him borrow her phone, take note of the sentence she wrote at the start stating this was an online friendship. I doubt they are close enough for phone borrowing. 

Post # 13
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

zzar45 :  With an iPhone (I don’t know about androids) you can just press “block caller”, so she probably did that.

OP- can he find her email address and send her an email? He definitely needs to let her know, even if that means texting her from someone elses phone to give her a heads up. Or drop a letter sealed in an envelope off at her home (maybe while she’s working). 

Social media and text/calling is not the only way to contact someone.

ETA this actually happened to me when I was way younger… I was dating this guy, I ended it with him, and a few weeks later I found a book on my porch that I had let him borrow. Inside was a little note from like planned parenthood or some clinic letting me know I should get checked due to someone giving them my name who had an STD. I knew it was him because of the book, but otherwise it was anonymous. I got checked and was fine, but I appreciated that he took the time to let me know I needed to get checked.

Post # 14
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

skunktastic :  I notice no one here is insisting he contact all of his flings as well.

The OP’s question was does he have a responsibility to notify her, given the situation.  He obviously has a responsibility notify anyone else he has had a sexual relationship recently.  I’m sure anyone in this thread who things he should try a few more avenues to let this girl know also feel he should let the other people know as well. 

I’m also suspicious of any relationship the end that’s the really – it may be that she is the one who gave it to him

They had a bad breakup so let’s jump to the conclusion that she gave him an STD? You are basing that off literally no information, and someone’s health is at risk. 

Post # 15
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I would tell him to try everyway possible to contact everyone that he has had sex with since finding out. I know I would want to know.

Leave a comment

Find Amazing Vendors