What should he do?

posted 4 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
678 posts
Busy bee

I’m really shocked people are saying don’t tell her. Everyone has a phone, pick up someone else’s and call her. It will take 5 minutes 

Post # 17
2766 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

He can use someone else’s facebook or phone to send a message to her.

Yes, he has a responsibility to let her know.

Since you already know about it, why not suggest that he type up a message to send her and then you send it on his behalf? Just a simple “Hi, you don’t know me but I’m friends with ___. Unfortunately, he’s been struggling to contact you to let you know that you should be tested for ___. It’s most likely that it was contracted after your relationship, but he wanted to do his due diligence.”

Post # 18
9317 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2016

I assume he knows where she lives? And that she has a mail box?

Post # 19
5724 posts
Bee Keeper

Stds can cause infertility and all sorts of other complications for women. Of course he should find a way to let her know. A PPs have shared, there are all kinds of ways to get around being blocked on cell or social media. 

Post # 20
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Tbh, yea, this is a silly question for the 1900s… being blocked on everything literally means nothing if you’re REALLY trying to contact a person. 

He could use a family member’s phone, a trusted besty’s phone,  YOUR phone, his cell service’s website to send a text,  call her from work,  leave a note on her car, leaved a note at her house, etc. This is silly. 

Post # 21
6096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

buzzerbeater :  Of course he should attempt to let her know. And he has! What I was saying is that after he’s  tried a few avenues, it’s now her problem. If you are going to block someone from every attempt They make to reach you, including being too lazy to empty your damn voicemail, then at some point I think it’s fine to stop trying.

ETA: I’m sure leaving a note on an ex’s car or going to her house when she has made it very, very clear that she wants no further contact won’t be creepy at all.

Post # 22
5776 posts
Bee Keeper

I think it’s disgusting that people would say he should just give up and let her *possibly* live with an STD. WTF??? That seriously says a lot about a person. It’s really not that difficult to borrow someone elses phone or drop a letter off. Fuck that noise, no one deserves to *possibly* be infected with an STD and the other person shrug and fuck off. 

Post # 23
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Tell him to send her a letter.  Send it signature required if he wants a paper trail.  Then tell him how condoms work, because if he’s having all sorts of flings and can’t figure out who gave him the STD, I would imagine that he’s not being diligent about using condoms.

Post # 24
678 posts
Busy bee

skunktastic :  it’s not like he’s tried very hard. Like I said, everyone has a phone use some else’s. It’s really not that hard

Post # 25
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

skunktastic :  I’m sure once she realizes the note is to inform her that she may have an STD she won’t really care how “creepy” it is. It’s not like he’s leaving her a note informing her he’s going to murder her if she doesn’t unblock him on FB.

Post # 26
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

I would like to be told to get checked if there was a suspicion it was before we dated !!!!

Have a friend contact her ?

Post # 27
1039 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

It’s very common to block an ex after a breakup. Even on the Bee, people are constantly advising a poster to block their ex including on all forms of social media in order to have a clean break. So to say that because she decided to block him in every way that she could, means that she has to possibly deal with an untreated STD, is just ridiculous. It is his responsibility to find a way to inform her. As PP’s said, it’s not that hard. Have a friend send a text, YOU send a text, leave a note in her mailbox, etc. Sounds to me like he’s looking for an excuse to NOT tell her, which frankly is terrible.

Post # 28
1162 posts
Bumble bee

Post card 

Post # 29
1688 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

lauralaura123 :  I think he should at least give it a crack to let her know.  If I were her I would want to know so I could at least be prompted to get tested, if I hadn’t lately. 

I would send her an anonymous letter telling her to get tested for “STD”.  There’s a good chance she’s slept with someone else since their breakup so she may not even know it’s from him, but at least she’s been informed to get tested.  If she ignores it, that’s on her. 

Post # 30
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I agree that he should find a way to tell her. It takes 2 mins to set up a new email address… I`d do that & send her a quick email. Or pop a letter in her mailbox. I think he does have a responsibility to let her know though as the consequences can be pretty severe. I know they used to call former partners when you were diagnosed with an STD here, but I dont think they do that anymore. 

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