(Closed) What should i do

posted 8 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

You are likely to get a lot of different views on this, such is religion, but here are mine:  yes, you can have a ketubah if you want one, even without a rabbi.  Our rabbi approved our text, but we were not married by a rabbi (nor do you need to be under jewish law).  Our ketubah was signed by us and two jewish men not related to us which is all that is required – and some people don’t even go that far, having women or non-jews sign too.   As for getting married under the chuppah, I say go for it, but because you are interfaith there are others who will tell you you can’t.

I’m not sure about the breaking of the glass since it’s traditionally done by the groom and your groom is not a jew.  I don’t think it’s forbidden, but it begs to question why you would do it.

How does your groom feel about adding these traditions in? 

Post # 5
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

You can do whatever you want! Since your fiance isn’t Jewish nothing will be legally binding under orthodox law anyway, so far as I understand it. The chuppah represents the house you are building – you don’t have to be Jewish to want that symbolism. The ketubah is a marriage contract – you don’t have to be Jewish to have one. I am Jewish, my husband isn’t – we wrote our own and had a design by JenRaichman on etsy (highly recommended). One of our witnesses was Jewish, the other three were not. My non-Jewish groom broke a glass because he wanted to. We did have a rabbi, but under Jewish law you marry each other – the rabbi doesn’t marry you. Check out Anita Diamant’s book on the Jewish Wedding for more thoughts.

Post # 6
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think it’s important to have your ceremony reflect YOUR faith, not necessarily your parents’ – you say you grew up Christian but your parents later converted – did you convert as well?

Post # 8
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@HoneyBee1811: I think you should do whatever you want to do and will make you happy. DHs family is Jewish and thats what he grew up as well and I grew up Christian. However, neither of us are religious now. There were cultural aspects that we wanted to include but we did not want religion to play a party in our wedding. We got married under a sort-of chuppah, Darling Husband had his parents walk him down the aisle (traditionally Jewish custom) and he broke the glass at the end of our ceremony. Then we had an Irish Wedding Blessing read by a good friend of mine to honor my side of the family.

I don’t know how our parents felt about our ceremony, but we LOVED it and we got a lot of compliments on how personal and meaningful our ceremony was. I like to think that part of it is because we included things that we wanted to as opposed to what we thought we should.

Post # 9
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

But you have a choice now!

What do you believe? In My Humble Opinion the ceremony should reflect YOUR faith and YOUR FI’s faith. If you want to incorporate some of your parents’ beliefs, that’s okay, but it’s totally your choice!

Post # 10
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

most jewish wedding traditions are really just that–traditions. not law, not required, not really all that religious. technically once you sign the ketubah you’re married, so the ceremony is really just for show. i’m jewish, Fiance was born catholic, but doesn’t idnetify with any religion. we are using the jewish cultural traditions but staying away from any overt religious references. we’ll have a ketubah, a chuppah, a broken glass, and of course a horah at the reception. who doesn’t love a good horah?

Post # 11
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@pb and j:  EVERYONE love the horah!  The first one I ever did was at my own wedding and it was so much fun!  One of my favorite memories from the wedding was being in the chair and looking down at one of the groomsmen holding me up, he looked up and me and said “Don’t worry, we’ve MOSTLY got you”  Ha, thanks!

Sorry to hijack the thread – but yes, horah.  And any other tradition that you feel represents you and your Fiance. 

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