(Closed) What should I do????

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
23 posts

It’s always tricky because you don’t want to be a bridezilla! But you DO need to draw the line to save your sanity.

Think about it logically: on one side, you could bend over for her… pay for her dress, take care of it, and have the possibility that she will continue being flaky, and may take a long time to pay you back.

OR, you could cut her loose and deal with possible drama there, and be free of the financial stress. Maybe htink about how important she is to you… could you do without her in the bridal party?

I don’t want to sound mean at all. My first thought is ALWAYS: keep her, cutting never goes well. But you have to think about the fact that her behaviour may continue this way.

Another thought, if her boyfriend proposes, she might end up being busy trying to plan her own wedding as well, which I’m sure wouldn’t help the flakiness.


Some stuff to think about I guess! I hope that helped. Good luck!

Post # 5
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@excited8164: I’d go with a deadline.  If she doesn’t get the dress, then she’s out.  

If she’s got a phone that really IS that expensive and will be going to Disneyland (sorry, not cheap!), then she should be able to get the dress.  Even if it’s coming from her bf/fi.

Just be really nice: “Look, I know you’re having probelems right now, and I understand that. Been there myself!  But if you don’t get the dress, you’re not going to be able to be in the wedding and I really want you there to celebrate with me!  Please let me know what you decide to do.  I hope you can come, even if you aren’t able to be a part of the wedding party.  Love, xxx”

That’s the nice way of doing it. 😉  

good luck and sorry you have to deal with this!!!

Post # 6
39 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would just talk to her about how you would love to have her in your wedding, but that if it is that much of a finanical strain, you would understand. That puts everything on her for the decision so you wouldnt have to actually cut her loose, you would be letting her not. Also, you saying it like that may actually make her realize what she is doing and what she is projecting, that maybe she could just buck up and be responsible for the commitment she made. We had a similar situation with a groomsmen who I guess didnt realize he was going to have to pay for his attire. He was complaining about it constantly and was pretty obnoxious about it until a friend overhead him and just realed him out on how immature and petty he was being; especially considering they had just come from eating out and had plans to go out later that night. After that he kind of realized it really wasnt as big of a deal as he was making it. It’s all about perspective. I hope everything works out for you!

Post # 7
20 posts
  • Wedding: April 2011

@jgundy: amen.  this is totally what i would do as well.  great advice.

sorry about your situation!!  that is a bummer to have to deal with as well as all of the usual stresses planning a wedding brings!

Post # 9
1231 posts
Bumble bee

your wedding isn’t until September, when I ordered from DB it took 3 weeks to get my dress in. So you could give her an extended deadline since she missed the original one. I’m not sticking up for her, believe me, i hate when people “don’t have the money” but then tell you about these extravagant things and trips! lol I would say give her a deadline of like June 1 or something? If she’s still giving you a hard time, you can still get someone else. good luck with everything

Post # 11
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I feel your pain… I asked my girls to order their dresses by April 15th since they take 3 months to special order… that was yesterday and so far only one has.. there is always an excuse.  My attitude is you know what you need to do… if you dont do it and the dress doesn’t come in I guess you wont be in my wedding.  No threats, no ulimatums…. 

we’ll see if my attitude changes when we get to crunch time! Good luck! 

Post # 14
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@excited8164: How’d this endup happening? How are you feeling about it?

I was totally going to say she can’t be in the wedding if she doesn’t have a dress! People are so flaky sometimes!

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