Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married for a while now and he has said he is going to pop the question but when is a secret. We talked about how we would like the wedding to be and here is where we have a little hang up. We are both confirmed Catholics. So, we can have a catholic wedding. However, since he has been confirmed he thought about his religion and now at 21 he considers himself a “Christian” of no denomination. Just christian. He has told me on more than one occassion that he would be happy to have a Catholic wedding and to raise or (future) children Catholic but do you think we should just not do a church ceremony? I feel it is kind of unfair to him..? What do you think?
Post # 3
I think that if YOU are Catholic, and having a Catholic ceremony is important to you, that you should definitely do it!
You may already know this, but when a Catholic gets married outside the Church, then the Church considers their marriage invalid. (Which matters because therefore the Church will consider you to be “living in sin,” which affects whether you can receive Communion or not, but also if you ever get a divorce it will be really easy to get an annulment since the Church doesn’t consider the marriage to ever have existed. ) Sorry if you already knew all that…
Anyhow, why do you think you shouldn’t do a Catholic ceremony and it’s unfair to him?
Post # 4
This seems to need more discussion between the two of you. There are “Christians” that feel as long as they are married in the eyes of God then all is good, so it may not really matter to him. You also might pick up some things on Marriage Encounter (or whatever they use now) and talk to him about his answers to some of the questions the priest is going to ask also how the two of you feel about them.
Post # 5
I just really do not want to seem like I am trying to force my religion on him. It is his day too. We have talked about it a lot but he always says “It really is up to you” and I don’t know how to approach it.
Post # 6
This is how I like to look at things like this.
If on a scale of 1-10 of importance getting married in a church is an 8 to you, but a 2 to him. Then you get married in a church because its more important to you.
Then say when you are planning the reception is an importance of 10 to have blue ties, and a 6 to you, then you have blue ties.
Post # 7
has said, if it is important to you to be able to practice your Catholic faith in the future, you do need to have a Catholic wedding. If you are already planning on raising your children Catholic, having a Catholic wedding will be the best foundation for your family. (i.e. when teaching your children do you want to say one day, “It’s time for your first communion” and the say, “Why, you don’t take it?” (what will happen if your marriage isn’t recognized.)
Just because you get married “in the church” doesn’t mean that you have to have a full mass. You don’t have to do a consecration and communion, etc. In that case, it’s no different than having a wedding in any other denomination of Christianity (as we are all Christians) in any other house of Christ. On the flip side however, it will impact your faith to have it outside the church.
In our relationship, and for me before I met DH, my salvation and faith would trump anything else “on earth.” My DH is a Catholic and we are on the same page with our faith, but if he wasn’t I personally could not have done a non-catholic wedding as it would affect my standing in my faith and my belief… does that make sense? As Christian (notice I’m not distinguishing amongst branches) spouses it is our duty to always bring each other closer to Christ and we are responsible for each others salvation. Again, that’s the same for all Christians regardless of affiliation… So, I would opt for the Catholic wedding sans the full mass.
Post # 8
@FutureCarrino: “He has told me on more than one occassion that he would be happy to have a Catholic wedding and to raise or (future) children Catholic”
That is not forcing it on him. He is a Christian, you are a Christian. A non-mass wedding in the Catholic church is no different than any other non-denominational or protestant ceremony. You believe in the same God. Why do you feel it’s being forced because he doesn’t seem to see it that way?
Post # 9
I think a Catholic wedding is great for Christians as well as Catholic Christians. Same God, same Bible, same Jesus. Does he have major reservations about the Church? Is there anything in the mass text he fundamentally disagrees with? If not, I would say go for the Catholic wedding. If that is the direction you plan on taking your family, it would be a great start.
Post # 10
Dear Fiance is not and never has been Catholic, but we talked about it and having the wedding at my church at home means a lot to me, and he wants me to be happy. I’ve ended up giving him some concessions on reception planning since I get what I want at the ceremony. I get the wedding I want, he gets the party he wants, and we’ll both be happy at the end of the day!
We’ve also compromised by not having a full Mass. I think that would just be too awkward with 3/4 of the guests not being catholic.
Post # 11
New to the site, sorry but what does Dear Fiance mean?