Post # 1
Hello all, Ok this topic may go all over the place, but here goes. SO and I have talked about him asking my Dad for ‘my hand in marriage’ and like the character of Evan in Royal Pains, he found it to be old fashioned. I know for a fact that my Dad would be pissed if he wasn’t at least consulted beforehand, even if it’s a “Hey I wanna marry your daughter, what do you think?” and I told him this, and he promised that he would talk to my Dad.
As I’ve said in previous posts, I’m currently housesitting for my Boss, and enjoying the time and space (altho missing my Bed!) SO cooked for me last night over here, and we’re planning another dinner date this week. So I’m kinda wondering if I should bring him over to my house with my parents so that we all can have dinner (and I could let them talk alone for a little while lol) or have him over here so we can have some alone time lol.
What do you guys think?
Post # 3
I thought for SURE my Fiance would ask my parents and do the whole bit but didn’t. At first I was a little sad that he didn’t but in the end it doesn’t REALLY matter. There are so many things that come up during the wedding planning process that are a lot of pomp and circumstance that you may think are SUPER important but aren’t. My advice would be to not make a big deal out of it. You’ve already shared with him what you would like….let him take the reigns on this one 🙂
Post # 4
If you know for a fact that he’s planning on proposing soon, that may be a good idea. It never hurts though to have more opportunities for him to get more comfortable around your dad regardless of when he plans to propose.
It could, however, potentially be an awkward situation if your SO isn’t quite ready to take the next step. The last thing you want to do is pressure him to have that talk with your dad, especially before he’s comfortable doing so.
Maybe you could casually ask your SO if he’s down with having dinner with your parents one night and go from there? This way, you’re kind of putting the ball in his court yet kind of planting the seed. 🙂 Just an idea.
Post # 5
@ChicChick: Actually he’s had several dinners with my parents before, and can hold a conversation pretty well with my Dad. (Dad likes SO) So I just wonder if I should give him this opportunity now, or wait a little.
Post # 6
I don’t see anything wrong with you guys having dinner with your parents..I say go for it. The worst thing that can happen is that he dosen’t ask you dad that night…the best thing that can happen is that he does! I would not mention you intentions to your SO though…(way too my rhyme for one sentance!)
Post # 7
I am in the I want my Dad to be asked. But I want him to do it on his own. Setting up a dinner so that they do defeats the whole purpose IMO.
Post # 8
Fiance asked my dad and I am so happy he did. It was really a formality (FI and I had been dating 6 1/2 years, my parents love him, we had been living together 3 years, etc), but it meant a lot to my dad. Also, I’m “daddy’s little girl” so it meant a lot to me too.
It wasn’t necessarily “asking permission” it was more letting him know and asking for his blessing.
That small gesture made my dad so happy and only took 5 min or so out of my FI’s day. I don’t think there would have been any bad feelings if he hadn’t, but there was so much appreciation that he took the time to do that.
Post # 9
I agree with PP .. He is a big boy 🙂 dont worry about it .
Post # 10
I chose other. I think SO is a little afraid of my dad. Dad is kind of an intimidating guy. Anway, we are using an herloom ring which I had to give to him (from my parents). So although he didn’t/hasn’t formally asked my parents, they know full well what’s going on because they had to give me the ring to give to him.
For your situation I think it might be good for him to be respectful of what your dad wants, but then again he’s marrying you and not your dad.
Post # 11
My Darling Husband was going to and then didn’t do it. We’re both older, so we didn’t really feel like he officially needed to do it. We went to tell our parents that we planned to marry, and they were all on board. No need for anything formal or awkward.
Post # 12
My Fiance asked me if he should ask my dad, and I said No. I also didn’t want him to discuss with his parents first, because whether or not we are getting married should only be our decision.
I guess I like to just make decisions by myself/ourself so I don’t feel like there is any family influence and guilt clouding everything. We also didn’t ask our parents advice when we bought a house as I didn’t want their input to influence the decision. Just wanted it to be the house we wanted, if that makes sense.
Post # 13
my feeling on it is this, I am not property to be given away, I am a grown woman and it is 100% my decision to make. Actually I would be upset if I wasnt the one to get to suprise my family with the news. I know this is just me and alot of women like having their guy ask and I am all for doing whatever makes you happy its just not for me
Post # 14
when im asked what do i think about the male asking for the females father permission/blessing/hand/whatever i wonder if they are having sex and did he ask permission to bonk her beforehand as well. for me its outdated, we are suppose to be raising a generation of strong independant free thinking women but when it comes to weddings we turn back to the stone age for some reason
Post # 15
@eloping: haha I love your response, but actually SO and I are waiting until marriage for ‘bonking’ lol And I see where you’re coming from, but it’s more of a formality for my Dad. I remember when SO and I went out on our first date, my parents were miffed that they didn’t even know I had a date. I could only imagine what my being engaged without their knowledge beforehand would bring!
Post # 16
I voted Yes. I know it’s old fashioned, but I think it’s a nice gesture and still pretty important to a lot of families.
There are always exceptions of course, like if you weren’t particularly close with your family or something, but I think as a general rule the guy should at least talk to them beforehand.