What should I do?

posted 7 months ago in October 2017
Post # 2
Member
1662 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Why don’t you initiate some more interesting questions?

Post # 4
Hostess
5865 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2019

onlyme11 :  Maybe he just wants to have sex with you. Maybe he finds those kinds of questions trivial. Maybe he just isn’t good at communicating by email/ message. Maybe he is much more engaging in real life. You just never know!

Post # 5
Member
1557 posts
Bumble bee

He could have a short attention span or he could just be insensitive or have bad people skills. If I were you I would either a. stop responding and give up on this guy, or b. give him your number and tell him to give you a call/text if he wants to meet up face to face since you don’t seem to be getting anywhere over chat. 

Personally when I was on apps I gave up on the people who didn’t seem to be putting effort into the conversation. And if I was interested in someone I gave them my number so we could meet up rather than have an extended back and forth, because I’m a wanted to see how the in-person chemistry was and I’m not big on texting/chatting. 

Post # 6
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

The fact that he’s asking about your day seems, to me, to show some interest. I wouldn’t put too much weight on the variety (or lack thereof) of his question this early in the relationship. It can be really hard to get a read on someone and communicate fluidly by chatting on an app, without yet meeting face to face. He might also feel like sending the same question back your way sounds too much like he’s just parroting what you’re saying.

You might suggest meeting in person to see if the conversation flows more naturally. Or, if you’re not quite up for that yet, but still want to have a meaningful conversation, I would just tell him anyways. “Cool your favorite color is blue. Mine is red, because I love fire trucks.” Or what have you.  

Post # 7
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Maybe when he asks about your day, lead the conversation to something more in depth. Maybe present him with something personal. “My day was great, besides a little family stress. My Mom, ___________.” If he doesn’t respond, or he one word answers, you say something like. “Is you family like this?” 

He may just not be a great converstionalist. A lot of shy men you have to draw it out of them. Eventually they warm up and realize you need more and will either make the concience effort to give you the details, or they will say its too much. Either way you will be able to see if he is a good fit for you. 

Post # 8
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t take conversations over dating apps too seriously/overanalyze them/analyze them at all. Most people I know have conversations going with like 10 people at once that they drop on a whim whenever. 

Just keep conversation going if you feel like it, or don’t. And definitely don’t ask why he isn’t doing X or Y. If a guy did that to me over dating apps (back when I used to do it), I would consider consider it really demanding for the context. 

Once you actually meet up in person then normal rules apply, but talking over dating apps is a level of casual that is similar to chatting about the weather with a stranger you’re standing in line with at Starbucks. 

Post # 9
Member
1998 posts
Buzzing bee

Meh – I would throw this one back.

It depends on what you’re dating FOR tho. If you have a goal – say, you want to be dating someone you could see yourself marrying within the next year or two, then you need to be more ruthless and you need to view dating as a numbers game. This helps you to not get hung up and waste time on every guy you talk to.

When you have a very clear picture of what you want in your head, and very high standards, you don’t vascillate in situations like this. The guy is not living up to what you would ideally want in a guy? Throw him back.

But if you’re still learning what you want, and don’t want to get married any time soon, sure… keep agonizing over his seeming lack of depth (which most likely is an actual lack of depth), and come out of this weeks or months from now having learned a lesson.

I was never going to want to spend my life with either a shy guy or a guy with little depth, so I would have just told this guy it wasn’t working out (or just stopped replying) and found some new matches. Shark mentality – keep moving forward.

Post # 10
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Agree with duchessgummybunns, plenty more guys out there who will make the effort to get to know you! I did Bumble and Tinder a few years ago, and while I didn’t see sparks fly with anyone, my handful of dates turned out to be exactly who they “said” they were online. It’s important to use your best judgement when you’re chatting with these guys… there are plenty of nice guys looking to meet a nice girl, you’ve just got to filter out the ones who are idiots/creeps/pervs. 

Post # 11
Member
4990 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

onlyme11 :   He isn’t putting much effort into the conversation.  All too often that is a sign of someone who won’t (or can’t) put much effort into a relationship.   

Right now you are showing him that little effort is good enough.  

How about meeting him to see if he is the same way in person.  If so, I’d next him.

Post # 12
Member
517 posts
Busy bee

Why dont you ask for his number so you can have a phone conversation? Or just meet up in person in public.

 

Sometimes people seem like cardboard through text and are amazing IRL. 

Post # 13
Member
7752 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

onlyme11 :  

Why don’t you just arrange to meet in Real Life for coffee and get on with it?

 

Post # 14
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

I wouldn’t ask him why he’s not asking questions. But I for one, met my SO on Tinder. So if I feel like the guy just doesn’t ask the questions as well. I feel like the conversation won’t last. How many questions can you actually come up with before you get tired?

Post # 15
Member
2632 posts
Sugar bee

Have you met in person yet?  When I did online dating, most everyone’s goal was to meet in person asap to actually decide if there was chemistry right away or move on asap.  No one I ever met through online dating wanted to carry on inane chatter online without actually meeting.  You read each others profiles, had a few exchanges back and forth to try to make sure he wasn’t a murderer, and then set up a date for coffee or dinner. Almost no one I know enjoys playing 20 questions over text with a stranger they don’t even know they will really like.  Stop with inane texting and set up a coffee meeting.

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