- 3 months ago
- Wedding: City, State
chrys3434 : You don’t know he’s a single dad. You don’t know if he’s single. You don’t know if he has one child or seventeen. You don’t know he bought a flat. You don’t know anything about him except that those are the details of the story he told you, he’s a good kisser and he asked you to go to a hotel.
Just like when you interview a person for a job, their resume is their story. You can’t substitute it for your knowledge. The only things that will help you suss out whether someone is telling the truth is time and experience. Over time, people show themselves– the guy who is after sex primarily will continue to look for sex or move on.
Experience means: what have you seen with your own eyes? Have you asked enough questions or been in enough situations to tell whether the story he is telling is the truth? (Example: guy says he’s a doctor. Does he have the shifts or lifestyle that’s compatible with his doctor story? When you ask him about work, describe a workplace that’s consistent with him being a doctor? When you google him, does he show up as a doctor multiple places?)
There is no shortcut to letting people prove themselves. There are only shortcuts for writing people off or making mistakes. That’s one really good reason to “multi date” as you put it. If it takes three or more months for you to get a better sense through time and experience if ANY of what this guy is saying is truthful, you will have spent 1/4 of your year on him. If you spend your year meeting, going to dinner with, and getting to know several guys, you’ll spend less of your emotional energy on any of them prematurely.