(Closed) What should I do about my father? Upset and confused.

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Who should be the 'father of the bride?'
    Hughie : (172 votes)
    99 %
    My biological father : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9627 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    I voted Hughie as you seem to feel he has always been more of your ‘dad’ than your biological father has.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Hughie, no question. No offense but your biodad sounds like a narcissistic asshat.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @Ruby-Redshoes:  Your Dad hasn’t been there for you and more than that he’s shunned you and treated you like an outcast. If Hughie is who you want to walk you down the aisle, then you ask him. It’s your wedding and honestly it doesn’t sound like you’re missing much if your Dad stops having a relationship with you because of this.

    I hope it all works out!

    Post # 6
    Member
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    It doesn’t sound like your bio father has been a father at all to you, and yet he wants to walk you down the aisle.. the very definition of having your cake and eating it too!  If I were you I would definitely ask your stepfather to walk you down.  It will be a difficult conversation with your bio dad, but put your foot down on this one when you’ve made a decision.

    Post # 7
    Member
    9142 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    Your bio dad has been a sperm donor that occasionally sees you but then makes you feel bad about it because he and his other “real” family make it clear that you are less than they are.  That is wrong on so many levels and it is absolutely wrong of him to allow them to treat you that way.  You are either family or you’re not.  I honestly would reconsider having him in my life if that was the kind of relationship I was going to have with him.  In my opinion, he has not earned the right to do father-daughter duties.

    I would ask Hughie and when your bio dad asks, tell him honestly what you just told us.  Your bio dad will be hurt and angry and probably not want to attend your wedding. But in all honesty, why would you want a second rate father when you have a real dad in Hughie?

    Post # 8
    Member
    543 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Hughie 100%. I’m surprised you even call that other guy ‘dad’, he doesn’t sound like much of one. Great that he’s been a part of your life (though I’m guessing its not off his own back he has done so) but your stepdad sounds like he’s been the real father figure in your life. Ultimately who do YOU want to be standing next to you? Regardless of the feelings of others. It’s your wedding!!

    Post # 9
    Member
    1313 posts
    Bumble bee

    What I would do? I would tell your bio-dad that Hughie has fulfilled more of the role of father than he(bio dad) ever will and he will be walking you down the aisle.

    Post # 10
    Member
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Who your “dad” is doesn’t always come down to biology. Who has been there for you as a father? Obviously Hughie has. It sounds like he is more of a father than your bio dad is, and he should get the honor of walking you down the aisle in my opinion.

    Post # 11
    Member
    793 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Definitely Hughie. He has been there for you when your bio dad hasn’t! You said that your bio dad likes to be there for you when it suits him, and that’s not good enough. Walking you down the aisle is a privilege, not a right. Hughie has earned that privilege, not your bio dad.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2961 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I don’t see why you would even have a question about this. Your biological Dad has treated you like crap, made it obvious tht you are not a “true” family member, and refuses to contribute anything to the wedding. IMO, your Dad has lost the priviledge of playing Father of the Bride on your big day! Ask Hughie!

    If your biological Dad gets upset, smile sweetly and say “But what about all the wedding pictures that I am going to share on Facebook? I bet your wife wouldn’t be happy about that!”

    Post # 13
    Member
    249 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I think the vote speaks for itself.

    Post # 14
    Member
    692 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - Legare Waring House

    @geekspice:  I second that. If he were going to help somehow financially, I might see the conflict, but as it stands, I’m not even sure I would invite him.

    But I tend to be a little on the vindictive side.

    Hughie sounds wonderful, and I’m sure he would be honored to walk with you down the aisle, and that honor is much better than a hollow expectation, In My Humble Opinion.

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    4771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    dosn’t look like there is much of a debate here.  Have your father walk you down the aile and not a sperm donor

    Post # 16
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I’m so sorry that you are even having to ask a question like this…it must be really hard.  But the answer is definitely Hughie.  You said yourself that he’s basically the father that you never really had.  He’s the one who has supported you and protected you and been there for you.  The giving away of the bride by a father figure is symbolic of transferring the “protector/provider/supporter” role from the father to the new husband.  It doesn’t sound like your biological father has been any of these things to you, really.  Hughie is your dad…that other guy is just your father.  There’s a difference, and in my opinion, your daddy is the one who should give you away…that’s Hughie for you.

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