Post # 1
My fiance is going to be best man in our friend’s wedding this spring, a few months before our wedding. We have been together for almost ten years, and the groom in question has been a mutual friend of ours for many years.
Neither one of us is over the moon for his bride, but because he is an important person to the both of us, we just smile and carry on. The four of us go on a lot of trips and double dates together, and there have been many discussion sessions between all of us about wedding planning.
So here’s the issue:
1. their S-T-D’s came only addressed to my fiance (we own a home together and have been co-habitating since before she was even in the picture, so it’s not a new situation). Since S-T-D’s are informal, I just ignored the oversight. I knew there was no way they didn’t intend for me to be invited.
2. Then the invitation comes, still only addressed to my fiance (both outer and inner envelope). The response cards are not worded in such a way where it is appropriate to write in a guest (and I am an etiquette stickler, so IMO it is NEVER okay to write in a guest unless noted on the inner envelope).
3. Even though we are getting married a few months after them, we have already sent our invitations because we are having a destination wedding, and I want my guests to have as much time to make plans as possible. I feel this is relevant because I took the time to address her formally on the outer envelope, and then informally on the inner envelope.
SOO now how are we supposed to handle this situation? Our friend would be very embarassed if he knew he hurt our feelings by not putting my name on there, and I don’t want to start anything. However, something has to be said. I feel personally snubbed because she should know better, also I happen to know another engaged couple she invited and she put both of their names on the invitation. My fiance has already decided to have a conversation, but we’re trying to figure out exactly how to handle it. If the groom wasn’t important to me, I would simply not attend, but that’s not an option.
Post # 3
@HockeyGirl: I’m glad your Fiance is wanting to talk to his friend. I think he is the one who should bring it up. Maybe he can just say something casual like “Hey! We received your invitation and aren’t sure how to send it back. It seems HockeyGirl’s name was left off of the invite and I wanted to make sure she was invited before RSVPing for the both of us.” or something like that. That is obnoxious that they left your name off of both the STD and the invite!
Post # 4
I agree with @Brideonabudgetlauren:
Approach it like that first, then if he says you aren’t invited, you fiance can share with his “friend” what a d-bag his is for not inviting you to their wedding. He can even “joke” that since planning your own wedding, he’s learned all these ettiquette rules and even he knew you were getting snubbed – his fiance should know better.
Post # 5
I dont mean to be rude at all but I dont think your name was left off, I think you weren’t invited. I think that as such, you should not go and it is up to you and your Fiance if he will still be in the wedding and go. I dont think he should. Honestly, that is a super akward situation for you and your Fiance to have been be put in, there is no way I would go.
Post # 6
Definitely agree with @Brideonabudgetlauren:
I sincerely hope it was an oversight on her part since engaged couples are considered ONE social unit.
Leave the hurt feelings out of the conversation for now; if you truly aren’t invited then you can have that conversation with them separately. Objectively inquire about the invite and drop it for now; it’s not worth stressing yourself and him over it. You can deal with it later.
I’m also surprised that your Fiance, being the Best Man didn’t get a plus one regardless of if he’s married/engaged/dating/single!
Post # 7
Amen to @Brideonabudgetlauren:
I think that is a great plan and then feel him out…. and take it from there. Please keep us posted as I wont lie I am super curious to hear how this one plays out!
Post # 8
I tend to agree. I don’t think she made a mistake since this happened TWICE. In addition, you pointed out the fact that another engaged couple was invited as a pair. Even for our nearest and dearest friends, we addressed it to both people, so I don’t think this is an oversight or “oh they’re friends so they know” type thing.
Post # 9
You can have the conversation as @Brideonabudgetlauren:
has suggested, but I’m very inclined to believe it was not an oversight, I think they just didn’t invite you.
Post # 10
Especially since he’s going to be the best man — he better be getting a +1!
Post # 11
@HockeyGirl: I’m glad your Fiance is going to say something. I don’t think you should let their etiquette gaffe go by just assuming you weren’t meant to be invited and not attending.
It’s such an egregious error that (1) it should hopefully be a mistake or (2) they should be alerted to the fact that it’s unacceptable to invite half of an engaged couple.
ETA: I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m hoping it was just a mistake. 🙁
Post # 12
I’d tend to think that you just aren’t invited. I think that in this case, it would be incedibly rude for them not to invite you, especally as he is a member of the bridal party I personally think your fiance should just speak to him about it.
Post # 13
Yep, just have your fiance ask the groom. Sure, it puts them in a slightly awkward situation if they intended not to invite you, but that is INCREDIBLY rude of them not to invite you, so they put themselves in the awkward situation.
Post # 14
+1 to Fiance having a talk with his friend to ascertain you’re invited. It could all be an oversight.
That said, if you are not invited, I think your Fiance should refuse to be Best Man. But hopefully it’s all a misunderstanding and won’t come to that.
Post # 15
@HockeyGirl: Whether it was an oversight or intentional, something needs to be said especially considering your Fiance is the best man and you are engaged.
Fiance needs to contact his friend and say, “We got your S-T-D and invitation but my fiance’, HockeyGirl’s, name was on neither. Is she invited?” Simple and to the point.
If the friend is dumbfounded and says, “Oh, geez, so sorry of course she is!” Then great. If the friend says, “No.” then your fiance’ might reconsider being best man. You should both be invited or neither considering your FI’s position in their wedding and that you are engaged. Good luck!
Post # 16
Perhaps the Fiance went behind the groom’s back and did not invite you? I would definitely suggest your Fiance bring it up with the groom. If you are and have been friend’s for a long time I can’t see him not wanting to invite you, especially if your Fiance is going to be his best man.