(Closed) What should I do about this? My name was left off wedding invitation

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I have to agree with the other girls.  I think you were meant to be left out. 

Post # 18
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just for fun, let’s list all the reasons OP should be on the invite:

1.  FI is the Best Man

2.  They have been together for 10 years.

3.  They are engaged.

4.  They have been friends with the groom for a very long time.

5.  They have been living together in a house they own together.

Even if it was intentional, this one should not go unpushed.  And if this chick did this on purpose, what kind of man would let that slide?  FI needs to make sure his friend understands how much of an insult this is.

ETA:  If Fiance was just a guest, I would say bail on it all together.  With him being the Best Man, I don’t think this is an option.

Post # 19
Member
3317 posts
Sugar bee

The most polite way to handle the situation is to respond to the invtation as it was extended.  It seems to me like they purposefully excluded you. 

I would have Fiance decide if he is willing to attend with out you.  He is perfectly within his rights to decline to attend a wedding for someone who won’t respect his partner.  If he decides to go and replies yes for one person.  If they meant for you to be invited they will follow up with you.  And if not, and they meant to exclude you, then you aren’t going. 

You will be the bigger person.  I like having politeness on my side.

Post # 20
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I definitely think your Fiance should bring it up as suggested by Brideonabudgetlauren.  There *might* be a small chance that this was an accident on the part of the person addressing the Save-The-Date Cards and invitations; you simply won’t know until the subject has been broached.  With that said, how incredibly rude!  My feelings would be hurt, too, and if it happened to me, my Fiance would not be going to their wedding AND univited from mine!

Post # 21
Member
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you were intetionally left off the invitation.

 

But here’s the thing….maybe just the bride was writing up the invitations?  You said that you aren’t exactly crazy about her, the feeling’s probably mutual.  I know my husband didn’t help with the invitations (which was fine by me, his handwriting is like a serial killer.)

 

I would have your finace bring it up with the groom.  The groom may be completely in the dark on this and extend an invitation to you.  

Post # 22
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i would also assume this was not a mistake and you weren’t invited.  I don’t even know if I would have my SO approach the subject with his/your friend.  People have budgetary reasoning behind who they invite and who they don’t invite, it’s awkward enough as it is.  I think maybe it’s something that could be brought up after the wedding rather than before, just to make sure something didn’t happen between all of you to make them make this decision. 

Post # 23
Member
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

In this situation (and this situation only) I’d probably obnoxiously write you in on the RSVP card and see if they call you on it. There’s no way that you shouldnt be invited by all standards of decency and common sense.

Post # 24
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think your fiancee needs to talk to groom. 

Post # 25
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with PPs  who said to have your Fiance talk to the groom.  He can just simply ask if you are invited, since the STD and invitation were not clear.  No need to bring hurt feelings into it at this point (this way the groom shouldn’t feel embarrassed). 

If you go on double dates and trips with them, and your Fiance is the best man, there is no reason you should not be invited!  If it turns out you aren’t, I would hope your Fiance would step down as best man and that they would get the message that they are no longer invited to your wedding.  (Just curious – have they RSVPed yet?)

Keep us updated!

Post # 26
Member
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’d just straight up ask, no pretense, just “Hey so wtf am I invited or what?” lol. But I don’t give two craps about etiquette when dealing with supposed friends who have hurt me to the core by not acknowledging my existence. If it was a mistake he’ll immediately say so and you can laugh it off. If not, then there’s a helluva conversation that needs to be had. Frankly if I were your Fiance, I wouldn’t be in the wedding party of somebody who didn’t even invite my fiancee. But that’s just me. I don’t stand for stuff like that.

Post # 27
Member
413 posts
Helper bee

I know it is not good etiquette to assume you can bring a guest…but in my opinion it is also terrible manners to not give the best man a +1. She is the rude one for doing that. She and her Fiance should not expect your Fiance to be a best man and invest so much time in their wedding if they can’t even let him bring a guest. I am very pro +1 because I wouldn’t ever want to offend someone the way you feel offended by this.

Post # 29
Member
3467 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

This is SO hard. I can kinda see both sides. I’m with you: you’re engaged, you live together and all parties know this.  There is no plausible reason why you should have been excluded.  However…you were.  And I found it terribly awkward (if not downright rude) when people have called me after receiving their invitation to say, “hey, it’s cool if I bring someone whom you obviously didn’t invite, right?” 

That being said, I think your fiance should decide FIRST whether he is willing to attend/participate without you and THEN reply accordingly.  It’s ok if he talks with his friend, but the convo should not ask whether you can come. It should be more like, “listen, I was honored that you asked me to  be best man, but after learning that you weren’t able to invite my fiance I’m afraid I have to reconsider.” If the groom says “whoa whoa whoa! Oh course your fiance was invited, must’ve been an oversight. our bad,” then everything’s everything. If instead, the groom says “oh ok, well I understand” then everything is still everything. And you idn’t break any etiquette rules.

Post # 30
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m dying to know what happened! I can’t think of any way this would be a mistake, I think it’s just incredibly rude. IF he was just a guest, I could maybe see this being a problem with not having in your budget for you (though that still wouldn’t apply since you aren’t just some random date!), but people in the bridal/groomsmen party should automatically get a plus one!

 

And personally, if I was in that position, I’d be deepy hurt and expect my fiance to drop from the wedding and not attend, and tell them they aren’t invited to his wedding.

Post # 31
Member
2437 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I am at a loss of words.

The topic ‘What should I do about this? My name was left off wedding invitation’ is closed to new replies.

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