Post # 1
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
Ok, so I just responded to a post, which got me thinking about a dilemma I have. If i could do this bridesmaid selection all over again, I would choose and older friend, a close family friend, and also an aunt.
The crew I had selected has been non existant, except for one, and I even gave them the easy route allowing them to pick their own dresses, and told them no parties.
One of my girls just dropped out. Now I’m wondering if I should go back and ask the three that I should have asked initially.
Thing is I don;t want anyone to have hard feelings, like now because one dropped out I want to add them. I just came to the realization that the ones i picked are causing me strife, and the ones I should have picked are the ones that are there for me, to listen, to come to my dress appts, etc. etc.
I guess it took the process of this for me to have the eye opening experience, and because the three I should have picked are kind of unconventional, I didn’t initially think THEY would want to do it.
How should I ask them, or should I even ask them at all?
I’m always so worried about everyone else’s feelings, and I don;t want to look back and think I should have done something else to have people who really cared about me standing with me at the altar. Any thoughts?
Post # 3
Member
3688 posts
Sugar bee
I’d love to hear opinions on this. I’m in a similar situation.
Post # 4
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
Everyone is replaceable…
To me it seems the girls you have don’t really care. I would definitely reconsider them for people who care. Just be prepared for them to lash out. Sorry you guys are in this situation.
Post # 5
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
I think it’s totally reasonable to let them know that as the day has gotten closer, you’ve thought more and more about who you want to have standing with you on this day, and now you have realized how important it would be for you to have them there. I can’t imagine they’d be offended.
Post # 6
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
@AquaRhapsody87: LOL were you just watching Dance Moms too?
Post # 7
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
@loving_life: Dont get me started on dance moms. I went to dance competitions with her! Anyway…..
I wouldn’t take out the three that are still in it.. just add three more.
I already had something printed with my one girl in it. but i’m thinking the ceremony programs will not mention her, obviously cause she stepped down, and instead can name the three additions.. the ones i really want there, as well as the three that are here already. that will give me 6 and Fi has 8
Post # 8
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
Oh I SO know what you mean. I picked three girls who have been my best friends for ages to be my bridesmaids, and only one of them has bothered caring (oddly enough the one I was least close to). And two of my friends who I was less close to at the time that I picked (a year ago) have been so emotionally supportive and communicative. The drama with my Maid/Matron of Honor has been such that I tried to cut her from the wedding entirely but she refused and somehow everything got patched over a little, but she’s still sniping at me every time I try to talk to her. However at least with my two that are giving me trouble, both just went through breakups of very serious long-term relationships and one of them just moved to a new city, so I wonder if it is jealousy on their part that I am having a wedding and they wanted one but aren’t (right now! Because MOH’s bf was a jerk, and my other bridesmaid is just… scattered). My bachelorette was supposed to be over christmas break but they didn’t all get their shit together in time so now I think Maid/Matron of Honor and the scattered one (who live out of state) probably won’t even be coming to the bachelorette, because they’ve made it clear they can’t come in town for the wedding until the morning of the rehearsal, which is fine, but we can’t do a bachelorette party that night because we have the rehearsal dinner and then I will be too tired (and I am the kind of person who cries uncontrollably if I’m too tired to socialize, lol)! So I don’t know. I’m just ranting, sorry. But you’re not the only one with this problem.
How far out is your wedding?
Post # 9
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
@loving_life: I was! Terribly addicted to the show.
Post # 10
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
@distracts: we have the same date!
Post # 11
Member
48 posts
Newbee
While it is close to the wedding, all of the people you mention would seemed to be understanding to the situation and want to be apart of your special day.
Post # 12
Member
7 posts
Newbee
Wow, I’m just starting to think about bridesmaids but you make an excellent point I probably wouldn’t have though about! I would say that explaining the situation to the people you want to bring on as bridesmaids now and expressing how much their support has meant and that you want them to be with you would give them an understanding of everything and your mindset. I’m sure they would be thrilled to support you since they have already been there for you thus far!
Post # 13
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
This happened to me.
One of my best friends in high school, who I didn’t see much through college but we still got together every now and then, had a bridesmaid that dropped out of her wedding a couple months before her wedding. The girl who dropped out was a mutual friend of ours and had another wedding on the same day and realized it wasn’t going to work being in both so she had to choose the friend who asked her first. The bride and the exbridesmaid got together and they decided that the bride should ask me. It helped that exbridesmaid gave me a heads up before the bride actually asked me so that I could think it over.
At first I felt a little weird about it being a “plan b”…but it helped talking to my mom. These are the questions my mom asked me:
Do you love your friend? Do you approve of the man she is marrying? Would it probably hurt her even more if you declined?
I could answer yes to all of those questions, so I decided to accept! She is my friend since I was little, and it doesn’t matter that I wasn’t originally asked. I was just happy to stand up there and be there for her on her special day!
Hope that helps!
Post # 14
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
@laurel946: Thank you for your post. I picked my immediate friends at first and then Fiance decided to pick 8. I figured 4 was good then he went and doubled that amount! lol. But anyway, the original 4 I picked were the more traditional and acceptable ones, but now my one friend dropped out, and I think it’s a little bit for jealousy circumstances. She kind of is a really good friend to me when it’s just the two of us but never wanted to share me…if that makes sense. So Now I just dunno how to ask. I went all out with the first ones and I asked them by sending them care packages with all kinds of trinkets and inspiration for the wedding. I’m not sure how to ask my aunt, my family friend, and my older friend, all of who are 10 years older than me or more, because I live out of state, and I feel like a phone call is kinda cold. Maybe a nice note? Would that seem heart felt to you? Plus I dont want to put them on the spot either….
Post # 15
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
@nl: I don’t think you have to go all out to ask them! If you are able, I’d say asking them in person would be better so you can explain the situation! Tell them that you couldnt imagine them not being there to stand up with you! Though I was asked over a phone call, I think that would be a better way to go! Plus you can just say that Fiance added more people and as you thought about it all the people who mean the most to you, it didn’t make sense not to ask them! If you don’t want to do it in person so they aren’t on the spot, maybe a letter or poem with a small package of fun bridesmaid things like you did for the first ones? Good luck 🙂
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