(Closed) What should I do? Abuse or overreaction?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
811 posts
Busy bee

Move on. You’ll find someone else and you’ll be so busy you won’t even notice. He sounds like he just dosn’t want to commit that he needs to make up excuses. Don’t force a guy to be with you, you are better than that!

Post # 32
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

You are way too good for this douchebag for way too many reasons for me to list from my iPhone. Move onwards and upwards Bee and find someone who is worthy of you and treats you like a human being!! He sounds awful 🙁

Post # 33
Member
3356 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Unpopular opinion: I’m in the camp of “if your spouse can’t be honest with you, who can?”

BUT

There is this thing called respect, and tact. His comment lacked everything. Rude, uncalled for, jackass move, especially knowing that you’re insecure about it.

If you don’t want to be with someone like this, then don’t. You already know what to do.

Post # 34
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

It sounds to me like he probably feels insecure about your success and like you said before he feels you can find someone smarter, so he’s trying to draw attention to what he feels you consider your flaws, to make it easier on his ego and give himself the upper hand. It’s extremely pathetic behavior and you do not want to be with someone who could speak to you this way, yes he will continue to do it. You can do way better. 

Post # 35
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

His comments were not made for health reasons. My Fiance & I had a talk before we were engaged about our weight issues. It basically revolved around “we are both overweight and we see the following issues and we want to do xyz to be as healthy as we can be for our lives together.” NOWHERE in there was “I’m not attracted to you and your weight is the problem in our relationship.”

The problem with your relationship is that you’re still in it. You have everything going for you. Please, please do not get back together or even speak with this douche bag. Please focus on YOU and YOUR life and studies and future career. Consider talking with a counselor about your self-esteem, too. It might help you a lot. 

Weight can be lost but douchery rarely goes away. 

I know it sucks now. I am a girl who didn’t take her own advice when she was in this position (it took me until I was 25 to really work on my self-esteem, get counseling, focus on my life). I’m so thankful I finally did, though. 

Post # 36
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

Wow ! You deffientely need to leave him.

 

If he really cared he would be supportive in helping you loose the weight and not make fun of you. 

He is not kind and loving and you deserve more than that! 

 

Post # 37
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

PuppienScience:  I think HOW he expressed his opinion was mean and not the right way to do it. However, it’s not abusive or wrong for him to admit that he’s less attracted to you now that you’ve gained weight. He can love you and still be human and physically be turned off by your weight gain. I Love my husband more than anything, but if he gained a significant amount of weight, my physical attraction and lust for him would be less. 

He should apologize for how he talked to you, but he should be able to be honest with you. 

Post # 38
Member
6538 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I guess I am wondering why it even matters if this constitutes abuse or not. Even if it doesn’t, do you want to be with someone like this? Why would you? You know you are worth more than how he is treating you, and you don’t need any excuse or rationalizations to walk away. You know you can find someone far better, so why stick around wasting time putting up with his issues?

Post # 39
Hostess
3160 posts
Sugar bee

PuppienScience:  OP, I will give you the advice I would give a close girl friend.  You are so much better than this.  Walk away, with your dignity still intact.  I promise, you will find someone so much better, that one day you will look back and you will laugh at this loser you once dated in college.

Post # 40
Member
1919 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

justwondering2015:  The PS from starzx6 was to starzx6 prior comment where she was giving the PP advice on leaving this jerk of a guy. The PS doesn’t read as a negative. Read the prior post where starzx6 states how to respond if this guy comes crawling back. It’s a “PS teach him he was a jerk.” Not implying the PP is encouraging any behavior. 

Starzx6:the PS should have been an edit to your prior post. 😉

Post # 41
Member
1792 posts
Buzzing bee

DUMP!

Post # 41
Member
2348 posts
Buzzing bee

PuppienScience:  Ok, so I don’t know you or him but if you want my best guess as a 28 year old girl who has loads of “guy” type experience here are 3 things that I would bet $1,000 on: 

1. He is insecure because you’re on an upward trajectory and he isn’t. 

2. He didn’t realize how hard long distance would be and he’s not willing to put in the work/committment.

3. He wants to be single but he doesn’t want to be the one to break up with you. So, in classic jerk fashion, he’s being awful to try and put you into a corner where you eventually break up with him. 

For what it’s worth, my Fiance and I were long distance for 2 years so I do know all about sustaining through long distance. As I said these are just my “guesses”, but this is a very familiar theme that I’ve seen happen before. 

Post # 42
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t think a partner has to be abusive for you to have good reason to wash your hands and say good riddance. You do you. He will be so sorry so fast. Be prepared to stand firm!

Post # 44
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I know so many guys who were like this in their 20’s. They wanted to break up, but didn’t have the balls to do it, so they were just mean. 

You have so much going for you, he has nothing. DTMFA!

Post # 45
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

That is definitely emotionally and verbally abusive, and you should leave him. Everyone, obese, underweight, and in-between, deserves to be respected and loved. I have three best friends. Two are morbidly obese, but in happy, healthy relationships (we are all in our 30s). Weight has nothing to do with it. 

Focus on your education, on developing your inner person. That’s way more important than your outsides. 

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