(Closed) What should I do? Am I overreacting? Sorry…long one

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You are totally NOT overreacting.  I’m so sorry you are going thru this.

There is something to be said for a woman’s intuition.  There was a woman who had a big crush on my husband (when we were engaged).  She would text him at all hours of the night, really inappropriate stuff.  He didn’t understand that she was flirting, he didn’t know what he was doing.. but when I put two and two together – he was totally destroyed to see how upset I was.

It was never physical, just about 20 texts back and forth over the course of a week – but it was enough for me to feel betrayed.  It took me a while to get over it. 

My point is.  If you do determine that this wasn’t physical, just a bunch of inappropriate texts – you have to decide if you can move on from it, or if it will torture you forever!  We were able to – but not everyone can.

Best of luck to you!

Post # 18
Member
2828 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t have much to add, as I have to agree with pretty well everyone here, especially echoing the fact that he was acting hostile. He’s the one that is out of line, if anyone should be shouting it’s certainly not him.

Handle it as civilly and quickly as you can. You don’t want to draw things out. You have to decide whether you think you can ever trust him again, and whether he will make himself trustworthy. If the behaviour continues, then, well, I think you have your answer.

View original reply
@DecemberWed:

this would be my reaction exactly. Emotional cheating is just as big a deal as physical, that and the breaking of trust would make for an ugly ending in my book.

Post # 19
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am so so sorry as this is my worst relationship nightmare also. As PP said, I would also be livid, not just at him, but at the girl who thinks it’s ok to text such crap to an engaged man.

I’m so sorry, but you need to leave him, and not talk to him for a while so that he realizes what he just did and that he is about to lose you unless he fixes that (if that is even possible).

I, as well, would have a very hard time trusting him EVER again. A couple talks about their problems. Fiance and I will talk into the wee hours of the morning if we have to, because we both don’t want to go to bed thinking our relationship is ruined. 

Please don’t settle for less then you deserve which is the TRUTH and a Fiance who loves you enough to come to YOU not some ex.

And to answer your question? YOU ARE IN NO WAY OVER REACTING HON !

Post # 20
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m sorry.  I don’t think you are overreating at all.  I don’t think I would be able to ever truly forgive this.  I think I would always feel spiteful and resentful… and I think a lot of people would be like this too… so don’t feel bad or like you are overreacting if you can’t move beyond it.  Life is too short, and you don’t deserve to be disrespected like this.

Post # 21
Member
7774 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I have to agree with everyone else. I would be super upset. This is clearly emotional cheating, and it’s every bit as bad as physical cheating, IMO.

I dont think you’re overreacting. I think you should go with your first instinct, either get out, or tell him to.

Post # 22
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I feel like he is lying and making excuses. I really hope you think this through. I wish you sooo much luck!

Post # 23
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

An old high school friend he talks to might have his email, but his personal cell number? Texting all the time?  Seriously?  There is more there than what he is telling you.  

First thing I would do is send him packing. Especially if the house is yours.  He doesn’t deserve to live there at the moment.  If he wants to work on whatever is left of the relationship after that, then fine, he can learn how to date again.  After he has earned your trust again, if ever, then you can talk about the future again.  But I can tell you right now, my fiance would never be getting my trust back.

I’ve heard stories of guys cheating from my fiances guy friends.  They all say the same line.  “… and then she took him back, so you know what that means… it’s a free pass from now on!”.  Because after you’ve let him do it once, where do you draw the line afterwards?  Just what style of door mat do you want to be?

I don’t know every little detail, but I can tell you that if he is looking elsewhere for anything, he doesn’t respect, appreciate or deserve you.  

 

Post # 24
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Again, ditto to what everyone else is saying. Always trust your first mind. This sort of childish behavior on his behalf should not be tolerated. Who texts “I want to have your babies?” Utterly ridiculous. I think you are moving forward with the right intent – take some time alone to re-evaluate everything on your own because only you know what you two have already been through (that we here do not).

Again,take your time, calm yourself, love YOURSELF and remember that no man is worth salvaging your well being. Once you’ve had time to think, then move forward with what you believe is best for your future. {{hugs}}

Post # 25
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Cheating is cheating and whether or not it was physical doesn’t change that.

He needs to move out and if he truly wants to work on things, then he needs to break it off with this girl and start over from the beginning dating you.  

Post # 27
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I hope everything works out how you want it too. Sorry you are going through this and that he did this to you. But you don’t deserve somebody doing this either. Good luck! 🙂

Post # 28
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m so sorry girl. I wish you the best. Don’t let him downplay it and act like it was nothing. Words are very powerful. Not “having sex” doesn’t mean he didn’t hurt you. I pray this all works out and that the best happens for you.

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