Post # 1
I haven’t been on here in a while, but I thought maybe I would see if anyone could give me some good thoughts or ideas as to how to deal with this situation I am in with my Bridemaid. Let me preface this with saying that in no way am I upset at my Bridesmaid or Best Man and I am not trying to say that this is her fault or whatever other negative thing, I just don’t know what to do.
Alright, my Bridesmaid or Best Man has been having some health issues for the past 3 weeks and while I ask her how she is doing and if things are getting better, she doesn’t really give me the whole picture- partly because it’s up and down and partly because she’s such a positive person trying not to worry me. She won’t tell me when things really are bad. Last Tuesday she said things we on the ups and looking good, however, she told me yesterday that she is unsure of whether or not she can make my shower this Saturday because she is not 100% positive she will be ok to attend. Totally fine. I would never want to put my bridal shower or anything else above someone’s health, especially my good friend. With that said, I am kind of hurt that I’m being told now about this because I am concerned for her and just want to be in the loop. I don’t care if she can’t make the shower because I know she wants to be there.
My issue lies with the uncertainty of her health issue. Trying my hardest not to sound like a bitch, but I do need to know with more notice for the wedding if she will be able to attend as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, as a guest, or not at all. She has the dress and just bought her shoes and is going for her alterations, so in my mind she’s game for the wedding, but I’m just not sure. I will definitely wait until it gets closer to see where she’s at, but considering she will want to wait until the last possible minute to let me know… I just don’t know how to properly bring it up that she needs to let me know with more time to spare.
Of course, like I said, I don’t want to put this above her health, but I just feel that with an event of this proportion, the last minute isn’t going to work.
Post # 2
SammiCoJo: There’s nothing you really can do, especially when it comes to someone’s health. Worst case scenario, she can’t make it to your wedding and let’s you know last minute. Ok, no biggie. Weddings continue even with hiccups going on the day-of. You can adjust the arrangement of who walks up and down the aisle, but other than that, is it really that big of an impact on your day?
If she’s making a speech or something, just have her send it to you via e-mail so you or another Bridesmaid or Best Man can read it on her behalf.
Hope she gets better!
Post # 3
SammiCoJo: Bless you for being such a good friend and being so understanding. As for your big day, I think you need to go with the attitude that sadly she may not make it, get your head wrapped around that and then if she does , it is a bonus. Sorry, not much help I am sure.
Post # 4
I totally get your concerns, however, she may not even know herself. If things are up and down as you say, she may very well end up not feeling well enough to attend the wedding when the time comes.
If I were you, I would have the worst case scenario in the back of your head, just in case she can’t make it. That way it won’t be too stressful if things fall through at the last minute.
Post # 5
Is there really that much that requires prior arrangement? What would you have to rearrange if she cancelled the day before?
Post # 6
Does it really matter that much? Have a plan for if she can be there, and a plan for if she can’t. Then go with whichever you have to at the time.
Either she can walk down the aisle and be in photos or she can’t. Other than that, what else is there to plan?
It sounds like she just isn’t going to know. Don’t make it a personal thing. It’s probably a lot harder on her than you can imagine, and way way more frustrating to be the one constantly feeling like you’re letting the people you care about down. Just tell her flat out you have plans either way, and are willing to go with whatever she needs.
Post # 7
Why do you need to know with time to spare?
If you make her guarantee an answer in advance, that answer will have to be “no” because her health situation just doesn’t allow for certainty. I don’t think you really want to do that to her.
Post # 8
so worst case scenario she can’t make it to your wedding. what is going to happen then? nothing! seriously, nothing will change in your wedding.
I have a situations too, one of my Jr.BMs lives far, she’s my cousin. She really wants to come, but it all depends on her parents, if they can afford to come. So she might not be there, but i’m not stressing out, because it won’t change the wedding. The pictures might be a bit off, but meh LOL
Post # 9
Why does she have to give you advance notice for your wedding? If she shows up, feeling good, then great. If she isn’t feeling well and can’t make it, then okay. But she definitely doesn’t need to give you advance notice because there is nothing that important that you will need to rearrange.
Post # 10
What PP said – – – “Have a plan for if she can be there, and a plan for if she can’t. Then go with whichever you have to at the time.” Don’t make her tell you ahead of time, that’s not a nice thing to do to your friend.
Post # 11
It would be rude to ask her to step down due to health reasons. There are very little reasons to ever ask a Bridesmaid or Best Man to step down. You are concerned for her health and that is nice of you. As PP stated, you will not know until last minute, as she will not either. Having her cancel last minute will not change or alter your wedding. As PP stated, you will just adjust who walks down with who OR it is OK for 1 guy to walk alone. Have the bestman walk alone and adjust as needed.
Post # 12
What’s the harm in her being unable to come at the last minute? Sides look uneven? No one cares about that. Just try to relax and go with the flow. It is seriously not worth over-thinking. Be a supportive, caring friend.
Post # 13
If she is moving forward with getting the dress, shoes, and alterations, it would appear that she is expecting to attend as a bridemsaid. I doubt anyone would toss money away on these things and not have the intention of following through.
The other side is of course that you said that she is a positive person. She may not just be sugar coating things for you, but for herself also. This could be a coping mechanism for whatever she is going through. For her health and sanity, I would not suggest not saying to her that anything would keep her from your wedding.
Post # 14
Personally, I dont feel like her not being able to attend last minute would really affect much of anything (other than you losing money on her meal). You may have to rearrange who walks with who in the ceremony but it really shouldn’t be a big deal.
Post # 15
It sounds as if she may not know from day to day how she is going to feel and what she’ll be up for. She has the dress and everything else she’ll need to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man if she’s able. Is it really such a big deal to adjust the procession if she finds at the last minute that she’s not?
I would offer a good friend the choice to participate in as much or as little as she felt comfortable with–perhaps she could walk the aisle and then sit down, or wear the dress and be seated with the bridal party at the reception but not be part of the procession–whatever makes the most sense that day. She’s your good friend–last minute is fine if you’re willing for it to be fine.