(Closed) What should I do? Bridesmaid situation

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
558 posts
Busy bee

SammiCoJo:  There’s nothing you really can do, especially when it comes to someone’s health. Worst case scenario, she can’t make it to your wedding and let’s you know last minute. Ok, no biggie. Weddings continue even with hiccups going on the day-of. You can adjust the arrangement of who walks up and down the aisle, but other than that, is it really that big of an impact on your day?

If she’s making a speech or something, just have her send it to you via e-mail so you or another Bridesmaid or Best Man can read it on her behalf.

Hope she gets better!

Post # 3
8815 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

SammiCoJo:  Bless you for being such a good friend and being so understanding. As for your big day, I think you need to go with the attitude that sadly she may not make it, get your head wrapped around that and then if she does , it is a bonus. Sorry, not much help I am sure.

Post # 4
1497 posts
Bumble bee

I totally get your concerns, however, she may not even know herself. If things are up and down as you say, she may very well end up not feeling well enough to attend the wedding when the time comes. 

If I were you, I would have the worst case scenario in the back of your head, just in case she can’t make it. That way it won’t be too stressful if things fall through at the last minute. 

Post # 5
1326 posts
Bumble bee

Is there really that much that requires prior arrangement? What would you have to rearrange if she cancelled the day before? 

Post # 6
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Does it really matter that much? Have a plan for if she can be there, and a plan for if she can’t. Then go with whichever you have to at the time.

Either she can walk down the aisle and be in photos or she can’t. Other than that, what else is there to plan?

It sounds like she just isn’t going to know. Don’t make it a personal thing. It’s probably a lot harder on her than you can imagine, and way way more frustrating to be the one constantly feeling like you’re letting the people you care about down. Just tell her flat out you have plans either way, and are willing to go with whatever she needs.

Post # 7
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Why do you need to know with time to spare?

If you make her guarantee an answer in advance, that answer will have to be “no” because her health situation just doesn’t allow for certainty. I don’t think you really want to do that to her.

Post # 8
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

so worst case scenario she can’t make it to your wedding. what is going to happen then? nothing! seriously, nothing will change in your wedding. 

I have a situations too, one of my Jr.BMs lives far, she’s my cousin. She really wants to come, but it all depends on her parents, if they can afford to come. So she might not be there, but i’m not stressing out, because it won’t change the wedding. The pictures might be a bit off, but meh LOL

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  practicalbee.
Post # 9
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

Why does she have to give you advance notice for your wedding?  If she shows up, feeling good, then great.  If she isn’t feeling well and can’t make it, then okay.  But she definitely doesn’t need to give you advance notice because there is nothing that important that you will need to rearrange.

Post # 10
927 posts
Busy bee

What PP said – – – “Have a plan for if she can be there, and a plan for if she can’t. Then go with whichever you have to at the time.” Don’t make her tell you ahead of time, that’s not a nice thing to do to your friend. 

Post # 11
1919 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

It would be rude to ask her to step down due to health reasons. There are very little reasons to ever ask a Bridesmaid or Best Man to step down. You are concerned for her health and that is nice of you. As PP stated, you will not know until last minute, as she will not either. Having her cancel last minute will not change or alter your wedding. As PP stated, you will just adjust who walks down with who OR it is OK for 1 guy to walk alone. Have the bestman walk alone and adjust as needed.

Post # 12
7418 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

What’s the harm in her being unable to come at the last minute?  Sides look uneven? No one cares about that.  Just try to relax and go with the flow. It is seriously not worth over-thinking. Be a supportive, caring friend.

Post # 13
2805 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

If she is moving forward with getting the dress, shoes, and alterations, it would appear that she is expecting to attend as a bridemsaid. I doubt anyone would toss money away on these things and not have the intention of following through. 

The other side is of course that you said that she is a positive person. She may not just be sugar coating things for you, but for herself also. This could be a coping mechanism for whatever she is going through. For her health and sanity, I would not suggest not saying to her that anything would keep her from your wedding. 

Post # 14
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Personally, I dont feel like her not being able to attend last minute would really affect much of anything (other than you losing money on her meal). You may have to rearrange who walks with who in the ceremony but it really shouldn’t be a big deal. 

Post # 15
6832 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It sounds as if she may not know from day to day how she is going to feel and what she’ll be up for. She has the dress and everything else she’ll need to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man if she’s able. Is it really such a big deal to adjust the procession if she finds at the last minute that she’s not?

I would offer a good friend the choice to participate in as much or as little as she felt comfortable with–perhaps she could walk the aisle and then sit down, or wear the dress and be seated with the bridal party at the reception but not be part of the procession–whatever makes the most sense that day. She’s your good friend–last minute is fine if you’re willing for it to be fine.

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