(Closed) What should I do… .long

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1814 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

Run. Your son does not need that in a role model at all, no matter how much he “likes” him.

Post # 4
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@GizmoQT1:  Definitely don’t get married. Your son might be happy now but who knows how he’ll feel in a few years when this doesn’t get better, and might even get worse. 

Post # 5
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Leave.  your son will be more damaged if you stay and marry this man.  You deserve so much better.

Post # 6
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

So the only thing I heard in that story that makes you want to stay is that he treats your son well…but all the examples you gave were of him treating you poorly. And aggie2010 is right – your son does not need this as a role model.

Post # 7
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Leave, do not get married. I agree with other people that even though your son might be happy now, he doesn’t deserve to be brought up in the environment where drinking is a problem. 

Post # 9
1772 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow.  I’m very sorry you’re experiencing this.  I won’t tell you what to do, reading your post I think you know the answer to your question but don’t want to let yourself acknowledge it.

You worry about how your son will react.  Legitimate worry.  But, what example is he learning by seeing you Fiance set an example of heavy drinking? (Because by anyone’s definition 6-7 drinks is heavy drinking). 

He has had a problem with anger control when drinking even more and now the drinking is amped up, do you worry the anger problems will come back?  Whatkind of example to your son is that?

He makes his happyness your responsibility. 

If the worst he can come up with is stubbley legs, and unfilled water bottles he’s reaching.  Do you think you can live with such unreasonable (and likely escalating) criticism.  What happens if that spills over onto your son?

I know what I think you should do.   But I hope you can make your decision feel some relief.  

Post # 10
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Yeah, no. You can’t fix this kind of behavior. Speaking as the wife of a former binge drinker, the only person who can change the situation is him.



My husband had a really rough period in his mid twenties. When we met, he was open about everything, but I told him that his former behavior is just not something I could ever tolerate. He’s free to make his own decisions, but he knows what the consequences are. He’s completely abandoned the people, places and things that affected his behavior negatively before and made a complete lifestyle change for himself. If your Fiance doesn’t want to change for himself and your life together, then why would you sacrifice your happiness?


Post # 11
1772 posts
Buzzing bee

@fascinated:  ETA: It breaks my heart that this is the best you’ve been treated.  You do deserve so much better. 

It sounds like you have made a decision and are looking for help.  Has he been violent towards you in the past?  Do you think if he knows you are leaving he could be? Do you have family in the area?  If not friends? 


Post # 12
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Your Fiance is an alcoholic. He obviously does not want to get help (he still thinks his drinking is your fault). You have to leave him for the sake of your son. Living with an active alcoholic (no matter how nice he is when he is sober) is not the environment for a child.

Post # 13
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t automatically leave, but it does sound like your Fi is either an alcoholic, or at least has strong alcoholic tendencies. For someone who is an alcoholic, there is no “happy medium” where they can be able to enjoy a few drinks and just not have “too many.” They must stop drinking completely, period. It’s entirely possible for a recovering alcoholic to have a happy life, and a long and healthy, loving marriage, so it may be worth postponing the wedding and making your fi’s sobriety be a condition to move forward. But both of you must be fully committed to the work it takes to seeing him through recovery.

Post # 14
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Your son will deal with leaving, and he will be ok.  What your son will NOT be ok with is watching his mother be treated like shit, and watching his step father get wasted and act like a jack ass.  

People often stay because of the children, they do not realize the damage they are doing by staying in relationships that are unhealthy. My mom and dad were good people who loved each other, but they fought ALL THE TIME.  They broke up for good when I was 8, but I can remember the fights to this day.  I remember hearing them from my room, crying.  Don’t do that to your son.

Post # 15
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Honest opinion….leave him. 

Post # 16
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Your son is going to be WAY more messed up by having an alcoholic step-Dad than by not having one at all!


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