(Closed) What should I do?? Someone invited themself and…

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1428 posts
Bumble bee

Can you do the "Oh I wish we could invite you but due to the size of our venue we are already at our limit" …and then maybe follow up with a let’s get together with our friends when we return? That’s the route I would take in that situation.

Post # 4
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

That’s awkward…but unless you send her an invitation she’s not invited. Have someone like your Maid/Matron of Honor tell her you’ve had to cut your guest list due to venue restricitons or something too maybe?

Post # 5
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I agree with the guest list excuse.

Just say, "Jane, while it would be lovely to be able to invite everyone we know, our venue size and budget won’t allow it.  As you’re planning your own wedding, I’m sure you understand."

Post # 6
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with sparkle: Just do not send an invite.

If she brings it up – which should be a while since she obviously does not know you that well (you know she isn’t going to call) – just say that your budget made it only close family and friends.

 

Post # 7
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

I agree…unless you send an invite, she’s not invited, period. You should ensure that someone (if you don’t want to) tells her that you just couldn’t accommodate more people at your wedding, and that you’re very sorry she won’t be able to attend.

Post # 8
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I would myspace message her that you’re sorry that you could not fit her (and thus her guests…but that’s implied, don’t write that…) into your venue and budget.  But you are thankful for her support as you plan your wedding, and I’m sure she understands as she is planning her own.

I’m a big fan of the "e-uninvite" when someone "e-vites" themselves…I’ve already used it effectively for my own wedding!

For you I think it is the best route since you don’t like conflict.

Post # 9
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

 I think I need some gaps filled in. 

1.  Have you at any point even responded to her request (Myspace or otherwise)?  Did you say Ok via your Maid/Matron of Honor and BM? 

2.  Because she is somehow invited to the wedding, is she automatically invited to the bach party?  

If you’ve never agreed to have her come, no worries, simply don’t invite her, maybe say someting about keeping it small.  If you’ve already responded that she could come, I would honestly say it would be rude not to invite her.  (It kind of reminds me of sending someone an STD.)  I understand she originally invited herself, but if you confirmed….

Can you invite her to the wedding but not the bach party the night before?  That way , birthday stuff won’t get in the way.  Also it sounds as if you might have OK’d two people, not three.  Could you simply invite her, with a +1as originally planned?  That way she will either have to choose, or just not come.

I think you might be unecessarily worried about her birthday and engagement.  Just IMO.  Sure she might compare her wedding to yours.  Many engaged girls probably would.  But I’m sure her wedding will be different.  I could see how her birthday might get in the way at the bach party.  But I don’t really see it at the wedding.  Are you concerned that they will try to make some announcement to steal your spotlight?

Post # 10
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Wow- awkward. I agree with a lot of the previous ladies. I am actually worried about a similar situation, but with co-workers. I haven’t had the talk that our venue and budget just won’t allow it, bit I’m realizing that the longer I wait, the more stress builds and it gets harder and harder to have that conversation. I won’t lie though, I’m not looking forward to that chat.I hope that you can find a resolution to the situatuon that you feel comfortable with. Let us know what you decide and how it all goes! I am especially curious since I too will be faced with this conundrum. Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My sister invited a list of her friends to my wedding, she had to uninvite them.  I would have your sister explain that the cost of the wedding is really high, but if she wants to spend the weekend in las Vegas with you she’s more than welcome.  I’m sure the girl will understand- especially since she’s beginning to plan her own wedding and will realize how cost factors in.

Post # 12
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with the other ladies who suggested that you just don’t send her an invitation.  IF she mentions something at that point, just tell her that you’re under space constraints at your venue and you’re sorry you couldn’t accommodate everyone.

Post # 13
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

I agree with the other posts. Perhaps you can have your sister drop hints as well.  Do what makes you happy.  The fact that you are bothered by this will prolong your resentment for her and this situation.

 Maybe even delete her off your myspace page!!! Just kidding.

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