Post # 1
Ok, so here’s a problem I’ve been having with a friend of mine that lives in another state, 9 hours away….
We have been good friends since I moved away a year and a half ago. I called her at the end of last year to ask her to be a bridesmaid after I got engaged, and she said she would. She was very excited about it. Four months later she asked me to be a bridesmaid at her VR in her state next year. I agreed. I sent her the info to order the bridesmaid dress for my wedding and all that fun stuff.
Well, she sent me a text message yesterday saying she couldn’t be in my wedding because she couldn’t afford the gas to get up here. She asked me not to hate her and said she understood if I didn’t want to be at her VR anymore. I talked about it to my Fiance, and he said we could offer to pay for her dress and her gas to get up to the wedding in a few months. I left a message on her voicemail since she didn’t pick up and an hour and a half later she texted me back saying, “We’ll make it. God will find a way.”
Um, I’m glad God will find a way, that’s great, but I need to know for sure she’ll be in the wedding and she will order the dress. My wedding is 4 months away. She said she won’t take money from friends. I am very concerned she told me via text she was dropping out and then an hour and a half later told me she was back in because, “God will find a way.” I really don’t want to find out two months from now God didn’t find a way, you know? I want her to take responsibility and just tell me if she can or not. I kept asking, “Are you sure, are you sure??” and she keeps telling me she will find a way or God will. Ugh. What should I do? I am even going down there in a couple weeks for my bachelorette party so she can be a part of it since I know she can’t afford to travel for one in my own state.
Should I cut her loose? What do I do about the fact I agreed to be in her vow renewal next year? I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, especially since she dropped out via text message, told me I could drop out of hers, and then texted me back saying it was game on once more.
Post # 3
Just prepare for her to be there. It seems like she really wants to be there but is just worried about money. I wouldnt drop her. whether or not she is in yours should have nothing to do with her VR.
Post # 5
@mzlouis2b: She hasn’t ordered the dress yet, which is concerning, and she needs at least 3 months between the time she orders it and the time she picks it up. I am really coming down to the wire.
@PinkMagnolia: Vow Renewal
Post # 6
This sounds VERY similar to a bridesmaid of mine. We were talking recently and she made a comment, “So I WILL be able to make it to your wedding after all, and my bf is coming with!” I was like, “uhhhh, you weren’t SURE you were coming???” She’s also 9 hours away and was using the money excuse (although she just went on a vacation to Puerto Vallarta with her bf…)
Anyway, I think you should just go with it. Plan for her to be in your wedding and don’t worry too much. If she happens to flake out at the last minute, let it be. And if that DOES happen, maybe she’ll be willing to take a handout from a friend if money is truly the issue. It sounds like she’s a little wishy-washy but try to trust that she’ll do whatever it takes to get her there.
It won’t be the end of the world if one bridesmaid doesn’t make it the last minute….I know it seems like a big deal now but it the “big picture” it won’t make a huge difference.
And I say that you should go to her VR regardless of whether she makes it to yours.
Post # 7
@Wannabe-diy-bride: I do want to just go with it, but here’s some extra background info:
I have 5 bridesmaids (including the Out of Town bridesmaid) and my Fiance has 5 groomsmen. I also have another friend who was very hurt when I didn’t ask her to be my bridesmaid (I would have if I had room for 6) but I didn’t because 5 was the max I could have. I like to be concrete on what will happen the day of the wedding and that she will have the dress. This other friend of mine lives nearby and would love to be a bridesmaid and would jump at the chance. She isn’t wishy-washy, either. I am leaning towards asking the Out of Town bridesmaid to step down and ask the local friend to step up.
I discussed it with my Fiance and he agreed it was very rude to text me that she couldn’t be a bridesmaid (couldn’t she call to tell me something important like that?) and then to text me an hour and a half later saying she was back in. These texts were novels. I just feel like she will flake on me anyways, you know?