Post # 1
DH is on staff at our church, which leads to everyone thinking they ‘know’ us since they know who we are… Which leads to random people starting awkward convos with me!
I am 6 weeks pregnant and we haven’t told anyone besides family + a few friends yet. Two older ladies at church asked me how much longer I have left in grad school, and when I told them one said “Well, you two don’t have any business having babies anytime soon! I had a friend who tried to have a baby while she was in that program and she just miscarried over and over. Its irresponsible to get pregnant while you’re under that stress. She also ended up divorced because of it.” I was just dumbstruck so I just stood there and nodded. She then proceeded to tell me that people should be married 3-5 years before they have any business having children, and that everyone she knows who has had children before that mark has gotten divorced. She kept going, telling me that marriage is fun and easy til you have kids, and that’s when you really struggle and have to work to hold it together. She said that if you have children earlier than that, you have only a shaky foundation and you don’t know each other. Uhh, pretty sure I felt like I knew DH when I married him! And we are THRILLED about this baby!
Thanks ass-hat lady. DH came up to me and noticed after she walked away that I had tears in my eyes. He is FURIOUS and wanted to tell her that I am pregnant, but I still want to wait. I can only hope she feels really stupid when we announce it and she realizes I was pregnant this whole time. She really made me feel like crap, even though she didn’t know it
Post # 3
ugh, I don’t understand what is WRONG with people!! How could she say these things, that is such a ridicuolous judgement of people as a whole!
I would just simply reply to those types of comments with some sort of “well, every marriage is different! you can never really understand someone elses’ relationship without living it” type of response. Sorry that she spoke to you like that 😛
But seriously, congrats on the baby! I am quite jealous 🙂
Post # 4
Some people just like to say the craziest things ever. We got pregnant 4 months after our wedding date, and we will be married 30 years next month. Congratulations!!
Post # 5
Everybody had such different views about marriage/children that I would forget about it. Me and my SO want a few years of marraige before we have kids but one of my best friends got married and had a baby a year later and their relationship is as strong as ever. It really depends on who you and your SO are.
Babies are wondeful though so don’t let what other people think run your perception of where you are. Enjoy it! And congrats 🙂
Post # 6
I cant stand people like that, especially religious ones. Aren’t they supposed to be less judgy!?
Post # 7
Congrats! I would just ignore her comments. She doesn’t know what she is talking about. Every couple is different and wailting longer/shorter amounts of time is going to make your marriage better or worse.
She is going to feel really dumb when she does find out you are pregnant.
Post # 8
I don’t think it’s judgy, I think it’s just well meaning but grossly insensitive. I find the only way to deal with well meaning bad advice is nod and ignore it. Arguing only drags it out. p.s. congrats!
Post # 9
Some people have no tact, don’t let them get to you! 🙂 As others have said, every couple is different, there is no perfect time to have kids. I bet she WILL feel like a jerk when she finds out – maybe that will make her think twice before saying potentially hurtful things.
Post # 10
Some people just get off on telling everyone what to do, and they have a know-it-all opinion on everything. Be grateful she’s not related to you because her family probably gets an earful all the time! I wouldn’t say anything at this point. She may or may not feel guilty when she hears you’re pregnant. It’s nice youre DH is protective of you though, feels nice to have him in your corner.
If she has the nerve to bring it up again once she knows, I’d say something short and sweet like, “Well, every family is different.” and excuse yourself to the bathroom (an excuse every preggo gal gets to use at will). Saying something nasty is pretty unlikely to change her mind or behavior, she’ll probably just go around telling her buddy biddies in the congregation how nasty you were to her. Best wishes on a healthy and happy pregnancy!!!
Post # 11
Ignore her now then happily show off your gorgeous, happy new family in 9 months. 😀 I love church ladies (usually) but God forbid that anyone should not take their advice, which they are EVER so willing to give, wanted or tactful or not. As much as it sucks, nod and smile I think are the only options because as wonderful as it would feel to tell her how it is, it won’t do much but get her defensive and possibly make your life more miserable if she gets her little friends together and trys. We can all hope however when you are obviously pregant in a few months she realizes how far her foot was in her mouth and apologizes, but if not, relish in the fact that you will soon have a still happy marriage with a sweet baby and prove her wrong, even if it is just you who knows it.
Post # 12
LOL. She lectured you without invitation and will hopefully feel like a fool when she finds out you’re pregnant. If she was just ranting foolishly but is otherwise a good person, I would laugh it off and say something like “Thanks for the tips; I’ll think about that,” or “You have some strong opinions on the subject”, and move on. Change the subject.
But if she is just rude and controlling, simply excuse yourself and walk away from the situation. You’ll find better-mannered company and more tasteful conversation elsewhere.
Post # 13
I would love to see the look on her face when she finds out you’re pregnant. Some people seriously have no tact. When you and your husband decide to have a baby is nobody’s business but yours. Congrats!!
Post # 14
I think ignoring it, as ridiculously hard as it is, is the best thing to do.
Theres a lady at my work who is about 7 years older than me, pregnant with her first child, and tells me ALL THE TIME not to have kids, that I wouldn’t be a good mom, that I need to travel more, that *she* waited until she was 29 for a lot of reasons and that 29 was the perfect age to have a baby, etc. I’ve gottenthis lecture and many variations of it for a few months now… Guess who is almost 9 weeks pregnant. Me 🙂
The first time she dug into me, I posted on the bee, feeling like I should’ve said more, done more, but the advice was to be the bigger person and brush her off. I’m glad I have because she just looks ridiculous when she tears into me. She told a client that she told me not to have kids and that she didn’t think her great advice would stick and I simply said, “well my husband wants a family and he has a little more say in the matter than my coworkers.”
Guess who looked like the moron? Her!
Post # 15
Oh wow. Talk about classless and RUDE!
Post # 16
Congrats on the baby! I have the same thing happened to me, I am almost 9 weeks, and most people still don’t know. My co-workers at work were like you should wait, have time with your husband, but every relationship is different. It’s how you both make it work is what counts. My DH parent’s had a honeymoon baby and they have been together for 32 years of marriage, and longer of dating. Don’t let people bring you down.