(Closed) What should I say to the ring-bearer’s mom?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I say to ring-bearer's mom? 7 Year Old Doesn't LIke His Pants, LOL LOL
    NO, SORRY: please have him wear one of the three color choices I've suggested : (18 votes)
    90 %
    SURE, NOT A PROBLEM: it's fine if he wears the beige that really doesn't "go" : (2 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    521 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I highly doubt the ring bearer turned his nose to the color. He is a boy and he probably doesn’t care.

    What are the girls wearing that you allow to go with their own flow? Will it match them?

    To be honest: I would have slam my foot to the ground and told them how it was going to be. Couldn’t care about their opinions, this is what I wanted and if they didn’t want to follow; they didn’t have to be in it. But, I’m tired of always bending to other people’s opinion and I have decided that I’m going to (try my hardest) not to do this for my own wedding.

    But since you kind of allow the girls to do something that won’t go already, I think you should let him wear beige than..to be fair..

    But, he’s carrying the pillow and wearing the bout that I have already made even if it doesn’t match…

    Oh, grrness! I’m frustrated for you 😀

    Post # 4
    Member
    453 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Yikes! I’ll tell you what-since I’ve been the ring bearer’s mom on more than one occassion, I feel like I can give you an honest opinion. My twins have been in quite a few weddings-as the flower girl and ring bearer. When the bride asked me, I always say-“sure, as long as we can keep it affordable”. That being said-I ask the bride what she would like my kids to wear, what her dress is like, what the groom and his attendants are wearing-etc.

    What has usually happened is that I have found terrific outfits at terrific prices at consignment shops. I’ve cleared color choices with the bride beforehand. My son has worn everything from knee socks and long shorts, to knickers, to a tuxedo to a jacket, tie and pants. He has even worn an outfit that was a one piece with a square collar with embroidery on it. My favorite has to be the wedding they were in when they both wore sailor-type outfits-bride’s choosing. That being said, the brides have known that as a single parent on a teacher salary budget, they have always been very considerate and most of the outfits (except the tux, which he outgrew before he could wear it in another wedding, but I hand-me-downed to a friend and it’s gone around our circle several times for several different events) have been worn again for holidays, pictures/photos and the sailor outfits were worn for Easter.

    I think she is terribly rude and very inconsiderate. You have been VERY generous in what you have done…hellooooo??? You are helping pay for their trip!!!!

    Just my thoughts, maybe from the parent’s perspective, it will help you see that you are totally right in being, ah hum…tired of the mother of the ring bearer.

    Lisa 🙂

    PS-I think the flower girl thing is bunk too-for the record.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

    This is a tough one.  I can’t aruge with what florida said.  I too would have probably been less accomodating to start.  And it is hard that you’ve set a precendence already of letting the mom make the decisions.

    But you did say that the girl’s dress, while different from the others, wasn’t a huge deal.  But it sounds like you feel the beige pants is a biggie.  So I think you can be honest with her and say, that the beige isn’t going to go.  The dress was a different story, because all of the dresses are in a different fabric (or whatever the reason is.)  But the ringbearer will look strange not coordinating with the other Gms and groom. 

    It’s OK to put your foot down somewhere.

    Post # 7
    Member
    453 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I think these flowergirl dresses are ADORABLE!!!! I would have been proud for my daughter to wear either of them!

    Post # 9
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    gees sleepylittlesailor, I know you love kids, but these people are walking all over you!

    stand up for yourself girl!

    Post # 10
    Member
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    i would let it go becasue to be honest, i dont think i would have the energy to fight over a 7yr pants… my thoughts are there will be bigger battles to fight in the future plus 7yr boys dont sit still for long so he will be around and no one will really notice

    btw, i love the dresses – they are really adorable

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    94 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    These dresses are so cute and I love the wreaths! Very Jane Austen and soo romantic.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3098 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    Okay, those dresses are darling!! 

    I love seeing little kids dressed like little kids instead of mini adults! 

    Post # 13
    Member
    5498 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Put your foot down!!!

    I’m loving those flower girl dresses! too cute!

    Post # 14
    Member
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    The flower girl dresses are too cute!!! I think that the ring bearer’s mother is being a bit ridiculous and that you have been more than flexible with your options for her son. I say put your foot down on this one 🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    193 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    bribe him to wear the pants.. not a good parenting tatic, but it works for aunts!

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    193 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Also wanted to add that while I don’t have a 7 year old boy.. I DO have a 6 year old boy.. and when it comes to an event, he wears what I tell him to wear. He may whine to me for a moment, but he realizes he can’t win and gives up and wears it.

    So I don’t understand why a 7 year old would have so much say in the color of his pants..

     

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