Post # 1
ayeeeeeeeeee…. ayeeeeee…. silent scream…..
This is so trivial. But THANK YOU for your input!
BACK STORY: Months ago I told my future sister in law (married to FI’s brother) that her kids could definitely participate in the wedding party, as flower girl and ring bearer, if they were able to make it all the way to the Caribbean for our destination wedding. Months passed. They didn’t RSVP until about three weeks after the RSVP date. They couldn’t decide if they could afford to come to our destination wedding; it’s a really really long way for them. We offered to pay for their accommodations, and, Yes! They finally decided to come. Yay!
PROBLEM: Oy, vey. I re-itterated the offer: if the kids would have fun being in the wedding party, we’d love to have them! It would be fun for us. “Your choice!” But….. ack. They want to do it. But the pickiness, the indecision, the complaints about the flower-girl and ring-bearer outfits….. Arg. My own nieces are wearing dresses made from this Regency (JAne Austin) dress pattern. So I gave New Flowergirl and her mom about 20 options of fabric … none of which were acceptable. In the end, they’re doing something very different from the other girls; but frankly it’s fine. It won’t “go,” and I don’t know why none of my suggestions was good enough — about 12 hours worth of searching later — but it’s no biggie. It’s a multi-color wedding, anyway. Now — six weeks before the wedding or so — comes the complaints about the ring-bearer’s outfit, too. I have a ring pillow for him, and a boutonniere to match the groom’s (in mini size). And I asked if he could wear he choice of pale pants, gray or pale blue or seersucker….. I’ve offered to pay for simple cotton gray/blue pants. And now, Ring-Bearer’s Mom tells me that Ring Bearer, age 7, “has turned his nose up at the gray pants, and he wants to wear beige pants.” Ohhhh, the drama, 7 year old ring bearer doesn’t want to wear gray or blue. Ohhhhh the drama.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO? I’m kind of irked. Beige totally doesn’t go. The groom is in pale-gray cotton. The boutonniere and the ring pillow are kind of co-ordinated to the gray. But it’s not so much about the outfit as about the, you know…. does a ring-bearer usually get to decide? Does the parent of the ring-bearer? Am I being an insufferable jerk if I say, “honestly, beige won’t really go? i can buy him gray pants, if he’ll wear them?”
Again, this is so trivial i can hardly believe I’m discussing it on the Web! But THANK YOU for your input!
Post # 3
I highly doubt the ring bearer turned his nose to the color. He is a boy and he probably doesn’t care.
What are the girls wearing that you allow to go with their own flow? Will it match them?
To be honest: I would have slam my foot to the ground and told them how it was going to be. Couldn’t care about their opinions, this is what I wanted and if they didn’t want to follow; they didn’t have to be in it. But, I’m tired of always bending to other people’s opinion and I have decided that I’m going to (try my hardest) not to do this for my own wedding.
But since you kind of allow the girls to do something that won’t go already, I think you should let him wear beige than..to be fair..
But, he’s carrying the pillow and wearing the bout that I have already made even if it doesn’t match…
Oh, grrness! I’m frustrated for you 😀
Post # 4
Yikes! I’ll tell you what-since I’ve been the ring bearer’s mom on more than one occassion, I feel like I can give you an honest opinion. My twins have been in quite a few weddings-as the flower girl and ring bearer. When the bride asked me, I always say-“sure, as long as we can keep it affordable”. That being said-I ask the bride what she would like my kids to wear, what her dress is like, what the groom and his attendants are wearing-etc.
What has usually happened is that I have found terrific outfits at terrific prices at consignment shops. I’ve cleared color choices with the bride beforehand. My son has worn everything from knee socks and long shorts, to knickers, to a tuxedo to a jacket, tie and pants. He has even worn an outfit that was a one piece with a square collar with embroidery on it. My favorite has to be the wedding they were in when they both wore sailor-type outfits-bride’s choosing. That being said, the brides have known that as a single parent on a teacher salary budget, they have always been very considerate and most of the outfits (except the tux, which he outgrew before he could wear it in another wedding, but I hand-me-downed to a friend and it’s gone around our circle several times for several different events) have been worn again for holidays, pictures/photos and the sailor outfits were worn for Easter.
I think she is terribly rude and very inconsiderate. You have been VERY generous in what you have done…hellooooo??? You are helping pay for their trip!!!!
Just my thoughts, maybe from the parent’s perspective, it will help you see that you are totally right in being, ah hum…tired of the mother of the ring bearer.
PS-I think the flower girl thing is bunk too-for the record.
Post # 5
This is a tough one. I can’t aruge with what florida said. I too would have probably been less accomodating to start. And it is hard that you’ve set a precendence already of letting the mom make the decisions.
But you did say that the girl’s dress, while different from the others, wasn’t a huge deal. But it sounds like you feel the beige pants is a biggie. So I think you can be honest with her and say, that the beige isn’t going to go. The dress was a different story, because all of the dresses are in a different fabric (or whatever the reason is.) But the ringbearer will look strange not coordinating with the other Gms and groom.
It’s OK to put your foot down somewhere.
Post # 6
FLOWER GIRLS: here are two of the girls in the wedding party. (my nieces, in the fabrics i chose). the third flower girl/ mini-bridesmaid i don’t have a photo of yet; her dress isn’t made yet but it will be a pale-blue crinkly striped cotton. (it would have been co-ordinated to the embroidered silk the two girls pictured are wearing — diff. color, same fabric — if i’d known they was coming back in the summer, when i had the seamstress and was home in the US for fabric shopping.) the pale-blue-striped-crinkly cotton is totally different from the silk these girls are wearing …. and different again from the zillion affordable fine cotton atternatives i spent hours and hours and hours finding and offering. BUT: all three dresses will be cut from the same pattern, with the same waist ribbon & rosette, and the same (made by me) vintage-millinery-flower head wreath. so at least the overall look is the same. tho the fabric is really different, for the third girl.
i’m being incredibly long-winded and blathery about this most trivial topic. SORRY!! classic bridezilla vent/rant. THANKS for being so tolerant of such blabby-ness on my part.
Post # 7
I think these flowergirl dresses are ADORABLE!!!! I would have been proud for my daughter to wear either of them!
Post # 8
thanks, litzwinz… i like ’em too. (even tho the little one’s sash is all rumpled in that photo, LOL. good girls!)
PS: the kids are my entire “bridal party.” no grown-up maids or best men or anything. the 8 year old in white is my official maid of honor.
Post # 9
gees sleepylittlesailor, I know you love kids, but these people are walking all over you!
stand up for yourself girl!
Post # 10
i would let it go becasue to be honest, i dont think i would have the energy to fight over a 7yr pants… my thoughts are there will be bigger battles to fight in the future plus 7yr boys dont sit still for long so he will be around and no one will really notice
btw, i love the dresses – they are really adorable
Post # 11
These dresses are so cute and I love the wreaths! Very Jane Austen and soo romantic.
Post # 12
Okay, those dresses are darling!!
I love seeing little kids dressed like little kids instead of mini adults!
Post # 13
Put your foot down!!!
I’m loving those flower girl dresses! too cute!
Post # 14
The flower girl dresses are too cute!!! I think that the ring bearer’s mother is being a bit ridiculous and that you have been more than flexible with your options for her son. I say put your foot down on this one 🙂
Post # 15
bribe him to wear the pants.. not a good parenting tatic, but it works for aunts!
Post # 16
Also wanted to add that while I don’t have a 7 year old boy.. I DO have a 6 year old boy.. and when it comes to an event, he wears what I tell him to wear. He may whine to me for a moment, but he realizes he can’t win and gives up and wears it.
So I don’t understand why a 7 year old would have so much say in the color of his pants..