Post # 1
So the question came up in premarital counseling – How will her son address you when you get married? My son’s biological father is in his life and actively supports him. My son understands that he will be getting a stepfather (my Fiance’ heard him explaining it to another child, he’s 7 yrs old). I don’t want in any way for him to disrespect his dad, and I don’t think I’d like him calling another woman “mom” if or whenever my ex remarries.
The counselor suggested “Daddy Fiance’s first name”, but tonight my fiance told me he’d like for him to call him dad. I told him that I will think about it, but I’m not comfortable with that. I’m kinda liking what the counselor suggested, or another name that is a term of endearment, and still respectful. Do you have any suggestions Bees??
Post # 3
I don’t think he has the right to ask your son to call him ‘dad’ as he’s not his dad, he already has one.
What does your son want to call him? He might be only seven but it really is his choice.
Post # 4
have you asked your son? if hes ok with it what about pop or pa but i wouldnt push the issue, it has to be his choice
Post # 5
@BerryBerry: I agree…he’s old enough to decide what name he wants to use. To this day I call my stepmother Stepmommy.
Post # 6
My dad remarried when I was around 6 years old and I toyed around for a little while with calling her “Mom” but ultimately I started calling her by her first name because it felt right. I agree that it should be left up for your son to decide what he is comfortable calling your Fiance. Tell him his options and leave it up to him. Personally I feel uncomfortable with the suggestion the counselor gave for one reason. “Daddy” is a term that is normally used by young children…so when your son outgrows the “Daddy” stage it might be hard for him to figure out what to call your Fiance and you’ll be in this situation again.
Post # 7
My step dad has been in my life since I was about 8. I call him by his first name. He is a father figure to me but I would never call him dad.
My kids will call him grandpa but I don’t call him dad. I would just be uncomfortable with it.
Post # 8
I agree with the PPs who said to let your son decide what he wants to call him. He’s old enough to decide what feels right for him. My older siblings have always called my dad, dad, even though he’s not their bio dad. We grew up all living together as a family, and my dad has always supported and been their for them. I know your ex is in the picture, and is a good dad, but my dads mom told him before he married that if he marries my mom, her children would be his, and he should always treat them that way and never view them as stepkids. So I think if your fi is taking this responsibility seriously, which it sounds like he is, you should look at it as your son getting a bonus dad, and not a replacement. But again, whatever your son wants to call him should be a-ok with both you and your ex.
Post # 9
I think it’s kinda weird that the counselor and your Fiance have an opinion on something that should be completely up to your son – he might not call him anything for awhile, or keep using his first name, and I think that is fine – he should be able to decide what he is comfortable with, I wouldn’t even ask because to me it seems like that would come off as pressure for him to have some special name for your Fiance.
Post # 10
My son will be 13 when I marry my fiance and he calls him by his first name, and will continue to do so after we’re married.
My fiance has a 13 year old daughter, and she calls me by my first name also. I would never think of asking her to call me “mom”, and I know my fiance wouldn’t ask my son to call him “dad”.
Post # 11
what does your son call him now?
when my dad remarried, i was about 14 and my younger sister was 7. we have always called her by her first name.
Post # 13
@Wonderstruck: Totally agree with this. The decision should be your son’s, based on what kind of relationship he feels he has with your new husband.
My parents each remarried when I was about three years old. For whatever reason, I call my stepmom by her first name and my stepdad “Dad,” though I have always maintained a close relationship with my biological dad.
Post # 14
Don’t have any personal experience with this, but one of my best friends grew up with a step dad. I believe her mother married him when she was very young (less than 5 years old) and she’s always called him by his first name.
I agree with many of the other posters though.. ask your son what he’d like to call your new hubby. :o)
Post # 15
My step dad came into my life when I was 5. I call him by his first name. He’s not my dad. I DO call my step-grandparents Grandma and Grandpa though (weird?). I think it’s a bit unusual to call a step-parent by anything but their first name.
Post # 16
This is something your son should decide. Even at 7 he will know what he is comfortable with. If in time he choses to call him Dad or a form of Dad it is his call, in my books anyway. I think the other bees so far have given you some great answers that you could share with your fiance, perhaps it will shed some new light on the situation in his eyes.