(Closed) What should you discuss with SO before TTC?

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Those are awesome questions….I’d also talk about parenting issues….who does what, disciplining, etc.  I’ve seen in my circle of friends that the parenting aspect is the biggest one that causes relationship problems.  

In my first marriage, I had the same questions too but we suffered from infertility and then divorced so the “how many children” and “how far apart” have fallen off the radar for Darling Husband and I.  I’ll be happy with as many as I can have at this point and as close together as they might be.  

 

 

Post # 4
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We’ve touched on these, espcially the disciplining issues before, but haven’t had serious conversations about several of those.

Why does your Darling Husband prefer c-section?  I can’t really understand that one.  Does he think a vaginal birth will leave you, um, stretched out?  Shows what little I know, I didn’t know whether to have a c-section or not was so much about preference as it was about medical necessity, being a surgery and all.  Though I know doctors may, for whatever reasons, have a broad definition of medically necessary or advisable when it comes to c-sections . . .

Post # 6
Bee
6473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

The biggest thing we had to decide on was schools. I was raised in public schools (and teach in the public sector) but hubby was Catholic schools all the way.

Post # 8
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Darling Husband and I are the oldest of two but that’s probably the only thing we have in common from our childhoods.  His parents divorced when he was a teen and him and his bro were split up.  His parents also had a very profitable business and they lived the life of luxury before the divorce….then they lost everything.  He’s tried (too) hard to get it all back thinking it will bring back his “lost” childhood.  I always thought he had a great childhood from everything he told me but he (slowly) is telling me how much his parents fought and from what I believe emotionally abused each other and the kids.  

The biggest thing for us is his mom told us “not to put the kids first.”  She did and like everyone in DH’s family, wound up divorced b/c they didn’t put effort into the marriage.  We talk about this extensively b/c I was always told kids came first….so it is a topic we feel could be an issue one day.

Post # 9
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Sea_bass:  Can you explain the having the child privately thing? I’ve never heard of that before.

As far as c-section vs. natural…that’s not really his choice. I’m all for equal partnerships, but that is not something that anyone but you gets to have a say on. Does he not understand that c-sections take longer to heal than natural because it’s a surgery?

Post # 11
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Fiance and i fell pregnant while on the implanon while we were still in university, as we didnt believe in abortion we had our daughter and kind of winged it a little bit. we always knew we wanted a big family, so have now had the kind of discussion you are talking about. the biggest challenge in our home has been discipline differences, hes very strict and im not, in the begining it was challenging but i think sometime you need to take things as they come. 

a lot of the questions you typed can be discussed and planned for but remember plans always change, every child is different. i think the most important thing is that you love and can support each other, and theres always room for compromises. 

Post # 13
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Sea_bass:  Oh! Yeah, okay, we have that option, as well (or something similar). I guess I never thought of it as a “thing.”

Post # 14
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’ve heard the various stories about having babies overseas….they just run hospitals different than what we are used to.  For instance, at my annual GYN exam this year, the examining table was facing the building next to us….and there were no curtains on the windows.  I figured if some sicko really wants to look at me in stir-ups then whatever hope you see something interesting!  

As for the marriage first, Mother-In-Law was the first to tell me this and then other (older) women told me the same thing.  Kids are happier if Mom and Dad are happy…I have a good friend who is one of 10 kids, her parents went out for “date night” every single Friday.  It was “their” time and it caused the kids to grow up realizing that marriage takes effort and you still need time alone sometimes.  

I have current friends who have not been out w/o their kids in the past 18 months….and unfortunately, both couples are having major issues. 

Post # 16
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

We aren’t TTC yet but I think if you got pregnant you’d work it all out as you went along. Nowadays we try to plan everything (me included!).

I try to discuss the more random aspects of childhood with my OH as we had very different upbringings. He was fussed over and essentially an older child due to a big age gap. I was one of two sisters, we did everything as a family and were open to new opportunities and adventures and experiences. His seemed quite a sheltered life. For goodness sake, he hadn’t tasted gravy when I first met him (we’re english!) and he was 21!!

Try discussing the things that differ between your upbringings and you’ll cover alot of the things that will quickly pop up once baby comes along!

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