(Closed) What struggles do you feel you have had to endure being young and eng/married?

posted 7 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Money.

Post # 4
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m 20 and FH is 22 now, by the time of the wedding, I’ll be 21. Our biggest issue is people asking us why we are getting married so young and why aren’t we waiting. We always answer that we’ve been together for 4 years and we know we want to get married, so if it’s a matter of doing it now or waiting a few years, what difference does it make? It just means we get to spend more time as husband and wife! We don’t really have the money issue.. I’m graduating from college in 3 weeks and have a really good job lined up, FH has a very stable and well paying job, we are going to live with my parents for a year and save every single penny we make and then hopefully buy a house about 6 months after being married. So for us, the biggest thing is talking to cousins, etc. that are in their late 20’s, early 30’s that aren’t even dating someone and trying to explain to them why we want to get married so young. We are sick of justifying it and have just started saying that it’s what we are choosing to do and we are happy and confident in our decision. Good luck! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@babylou: Money is a big one! We’re constantly looking for ways to cut costs, not just for the wedding but in our daily lives. Example: I’m using a book shelf as a dresser right now because I’d feel like I was wasting money if I went out and spent a hundred dollars on something just because it’s more “conventional” lol.

It’s sometimes difficult to balance school and the engagement, because let’s face it, I’d WAY rather be on Weddingbee than writing a paper. But I think that’s pretty typical.

And of course there’s the occasional negativity. I’ve actually seen WAY more of this on the boards here than I have in real life, though. People always want to tell you how to live your life, and they generally mean well- but it can be both upsetting and irritating to have people telling you that your relationship won’t make it based on some statistic or another. Figuring out how to deal with that was a struggle for me for the first two months or so, but luckily I’m on a pretty fast learning curve and I don’t let it bother me now.

Post # 7
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I agree… money related issues. My Fiance has a full-time job and takes a full load of classes at night. Even so, he won’t make enough to pay the rent and bills by himself once we get married. I don’t have a full-time job right now, and will be graduating with my masters in May. I need to find a job soon thereafter or we will be squeezing out every little penny just to survive! I think older couples usually have an established job. They may have to worry about buying a house or something of that nature… but we have to worry about making enough to pay the bills. Basically we’re starting our life together AND starting life on our own (for the most part) at the same time. So that’s going to be quite difficult!

Post # 8
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Miss Fish: OMG I totally agree with the rather be on WB than writing a paper!! That’s what I’m doing right this second!! LOL. PLUS, I graduate in 2 and a 1/2 weeks so talk about senioritis to the max on top of planning the wedding!! FH and I have been long distance for 3 years, we see each other about once a month for a weekend, so I’m so ready to move back and be with him. AND I have a job already lined up, so school in general just seems silly at this point. AHH!

Post # 9
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

The inability/difficulties of moving around for a job. I could have gotten a job that directly applied for my major, but it required moving three hours away from Fiance and his job. I’m not sure if I would have done it anyway, since I love being close to my parents, but some days I do think it would have been nice.

Post # 10
Member
7695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I feel like we actually endured more before we were engaged than after. Right before we got engaged we had 4 family members pass away within 4 months. In addition, we moved from Connecticut into my mom’s townhouse with my younger brother. Then once we moved into our own place we had 4 different roommates (his best friend, his cousins, his twin sister and my brother) living with us almost the entire length of 2 years! All of that was kind of like a test of what we could handle. Marriage has really been a cake walk because there haven’t been any deaths (thank goodness), we are finally living on our own and we are financially stable right now.

Post # 11
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@SweetRose2011: I would say money, housing, and in general lining up all our opportunities (an assistantship with an apartment, his future job with my school, etc.)

I haven’t had too many people questioning me about getting married young, or maybe it’s that I brush them off completely.

Post # 12
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Money, but that’s also because we graduated in a terrible economy.

 

Criticism, a little.  Unsolicited advice was the bigger problem.

Post # 13
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I was 18 when we first got engaged (I’m 19 now, will be 20 when the wedding rolls around) and my biggest battle has been people not taking me seriously. I haven’t had to deal with a bunch of BS but couples married or not all seem to have their own opinons that conterdict (sp?) mine on everything, yesh!

Post # 14
Member
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Money, and not having anyone to ask for advice because were the first of our friends to get married,,, 

Post # 15
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Our biggest issue isn’t money so much as not having credit to get a loan to get a house. My Fiance makes enough to pay a monthly mortgage, all utility bills, and his truck and insurance payments and my paychecks can go toward groceries and whatever else might come up. I said we could always just get an apartment but he says why fill someone else’s pocket and not have anything to show for it in the end. (Ummm, you have a place to live DUH)  So he finally broke down and got a credit card (which neither of us really believe in) to start building some credit. He has already paid off one vehicle and has a cell phone is his name so I don’t know how he can’t have enough credit to get a loan but  I don’t know about these things. I’m just stressing because we are getting married in 4 months and have no where to live!

Post # 16
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

The biggest thing we’ve had to deal with is being in different states. Lucky for us, I’m on an athletic scholarship so I have no college debt, and the Army is paying for his school, so we won’t have to worry about that. We also do not have credit card debt.

I graduate next year, so I haven’t had many people say that I’m too young. I do think that if I got married before I finished school, people would have a much bigger issue for whatever reason. But it will be nice to have a degree and to be able to contribute to our family. 🙂

Really, time is what’s killing me. I’m planning a wedding, working almost full time, taking 21 hours per semester, and I play collegiate sports: not much time to do anything! 🙁 I put most of my money into savings, so it’s been a struggle between saving for the wedding (my parents are paying for it, but I want to help with what I can), and saving for plane tickets so we can see each other! *sigh*

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