(Closed) What struggles do you feel you have had to endure being young and eng/married?

posted 10 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 17
Member
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Money is absolutely our biggest!

Post # 18
Member
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I constantly get asked if my wedding set is a “wedding ring” or “just a nice set” I found that I wear on a consistent basis. Uhhhh…?? Would you ask a 40 year old woman that? No. Why do you need to ask someone who looks under 30?

Post # 19
Member
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
@firsttimemom: That’s so strange! I’ve never heard of anyone asking that before…?

Post # 20
Member
2521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Money.

I think the only criticism I get is criticism associated with being young anyways, not my relationship status.  I’m always brushed off as I’m a college partier when I don’t go out to bars.

Post # 21
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would also say money. It’s a huge issue for us and has meant that we have delayed our wedding in order to be more financially stable. (Our date was April 2012, it only says April 2015 on here because you have to have a wedding date on your profile.) We haven’t got a clue when we will be stable enough to afford a deposit on a house, never mind a wedding.

This is because I am still at University and my Fiance does not make much money at work. I am hoping to get a good job and he is trying to, as well. It’s driving me crazy and I sometimes question why we are even engaged when we don’t have a wedding date in sight. ๐Ÿ™

It’s interesting to hear everyone else’s stories, too. I realise we are in a better situation than some. Things aren’t too bad for us and we do have eachother. That’s all that matters to me right now.

Post # 22
Member
6889 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Money (duh) and coordinating our lives, if that makes sense. Fiance is in school full-time until October. He also works full-time, so we don’t see eachother much even though we live together. I know it’ll be done soon, but it was really rough when we were just starting this “lifestyle.” School better be worth this. Lol.

Post # 23
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Fiance and I became parents when we were young, I was 18 when I got pregnant, 19 when my daughter was born- I was also 19 when we got engaged BUT we made the descion to have a long engagement so when our daughter grew up she would know she was not the reason we got married. Our daughter is now 14 months old, I am 20, Fiance turns 22 in a few months and we will be getting married on August 13th.

As a young couple that has been living together for over a year and a half, raising a young child, and planning a wedding our biggest problems have been:

1) We are struggling to support our little family financially.

2) We are not respected as the adults we are.

3) Judgemental People- we have to fight for respect and understanding sometimes. I always feel the need to defend us because we are young and have a child.

Post # 24
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Money is a big factor for us as well. My

parents are paying probably about half and we have to come up with the other

half. However, my greatest challenge has been doing the things we want to do. I would love to

have one of my friends be ordained online and marry us because it means more

sentimentally, but my mom doesn’t think it’s a “real” wedding if we

do that. We had an argument one day and she told me that I’m not getting

married for the right reasons and what not. It really bothered me and still

does, because I know that I’m getting married for the right reasons. I couldn’t

artiulate those exact reasons to you right now, but when I look at my Fiance I know

he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I am still very worried

about who will marry us because neither of us are religious so we aren’t

getting married in a church. As for as Justice of the peace goes, we have two

options and both make me nervous. They don’t book dates until super close to

the day and I don’t think they do rehearsals which my mother also says is a

must. Also since we are so young, we have very different tastes in music and

decorations than people who get married that are older. My Fiance loves metal music

and I want him to have what he likes at the wedding, but I also have to think

of my family and older relatives that might be offended by that type of music.

Post # 25
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I mostly avoid the 20 something boards as often times I don’t want to read how people are going to get divorced young and how I should be living it up partying at a club with my single friends. That isn’t me. That has never been ME. I just hate being held to a standered and it definitly happens more on here than it does in real life.

Money has been an issue but it is an issue at anytime in someone’s life. We have been working really hard to put money away, not only for the wedding but for household repairs and the car.

Post # 26
Member
11372 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

From where I am from alot of people get married “young.” Southern bell type thing. haha.. I didn’t have any issues with people asking us to wait or saying we are to young. My husband and I got married 4 days before our 4 year anniversary. & already had our own place for 8 months when we got married. But just the other day I went and got my nails done. The nail lady heard me mention my “HUSBAND” and said ohhh my you look way to young to be married. I didn’t really know what to say other than Ill be 20 this september.. lol ๐Ÿ™‚ Just brush off comments like that. I do. ๐Ÿ™‚ take care bee’s!

Post # 27
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Mostly money and the naysayers.

FH works full time and goes to school, but the college he goes to doesn’t accept the only loans he could get and he doesn’t qualify for a Pell Grant, so he pays for everything (tuition, bills, books)out of pocket. That means there’s not a lot of money left over for anything else. I’m unemployed and also in school full time. We’re really struggling when it comes to the wedding because we may or may not get any kind of assistance.

I honestly haven’t had that many people tell me that I’m too young to be married, but most of the time people ask me why I’m not waiting longer and reminding me of all that I’ll “miss out” on as a college student. I hate bars and partying, so other than going to class and graduating, what am I missing out on?

My family hasn’t been really supportive either which makes it difficult sometimes but I am hoping they will come around soon.

Post # 28
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’ve seen this thread for a while, but have been adverse to responding. I get tired of the 20-something board having a single theme – arguments about the issues of marrying young. So I tend to avoid it. (but kudos to the bees who have been working hard lately to expand the board, by posting other types of threads)

I think young couples face many struggles, but, for the most part, they are no different than any other age group. For example, my Fiance and I are both in much better financial situations than either of my older siblings. I know mature and immature 20 year olds. But I also know a lot of immature 40 year olds. My point is that this thread is overgeneralizing a whole generation, instead of evaluating people on a case by case basis.

The only issue that I believe is truly unique to young people is dealing with constant judgement and criticism, which primarily comes from strangers who make assumptions about our maturity, judgement, and commitment.

Post # 29
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

View original reply
@firsttimemom: Haha, that made me laugh.  Not cuz it’s funny but because it’s so ridiculous!  Who says that!?

I think Fiance has had more issues than I’ve had because people judge him for marrying someone younger than him.  So he responds with everything that I’ve accomplished so far and he says that shuts them up.  ๐Ÿ˜›  For me, (I don’t know if it’s actually there or just in my mind) I feel like some people are just humouring me.  “Yes, we’re happy for you…”, but in their minds are thinking that I’m being ridiculous by getting married young, etc., etc.  It’s frustrating, but sooner or later we’ll prove them wrong.

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