(Closed) What the eff is up with my BM?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Try to call her up and just chitchat about her… maybe something is going on with her life that you don’t know about, like with her family, boyfriend, school, work… (I don’t know her, but I’m just trying to think of things that can get in the way of her spending time with you). The point is try to find out if something is wrong with her and if you can help… and don’t bring up your wedding or wedding plans; just focus on her. You don’t want to automatically think she is being rude when maybe something bad or sad has happened in her life. If you do get to chat with her, and everything seems cheerful and fine, THEN you can assume that maybe she really is just not the most helpful Bridesmaid or Best Man. Not all BMs are created equal… some are wonderful, some are just crappy.

Post # 4
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you may be overreacting a bit. Her response about wanting to just cosy up and block the world out would be a red flag that I had a friend in some kind of emotional pain or trouble.  I’d probably be more interested in making sure my friend was OK than anything at this point.

Post # 6
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Maybe I’m in the minority, but I don’t feel like you’re overreacting. The amount of times you’ve reached out to her (whether wedding related or not) are far more than the responses you’ve gotten. Could she be having emotional issues right now? Yes. But that isn’t a free pass to full-out ignore someone.

Post # 7
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think you’re overreacting to be frustrated. Does she have a history of depression? If she’s going through serious depression, she may have felt overwhelmed (even by the small task that you were asking) and then guilty that she hadn’t done it. That can lead to feeling even more guilt and embarrassment, and so she starts avoiding you and not responding to your messages.

I’m not saying it’s ok for her to act like that, but the description you gave of her behavior/responses reminds me of when my husband was in a seriously depressed place.

Post # 8
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@mightywombat:  I agree. This doesn’t sound like an okay person blocking you out, this sounds like depression. Is there someone you can get to check on her in person?

Post # 11
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@ticatica:  Oh good, that’s great!  I’m glad you were able to clear the air.

Post # 12
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@ticatica:  I’m glad you finally got to the bottom of it. It’s sad that she didn’t feel she could open up for so long, which created more animosity than I’m sure she would have intended. Glad it’s good for now, but I stand beside my statement that it doesn’t automatically equal a “free pass” to not feel well. I understand clinical depression, but I do feel that there is an accountability that people often leave out. Plus this doesn’t necessarily sound like clinical depression if it was just not wanting to talk about work or her personal life with you.

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