(Closed) what the heck

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Bridesmaids jobs are toshow up at your wedding and to stand by your side… It is not their job contrary to popular belief to be at your beck and call and not their duty to help you… It seems like you are getting on their nerves and they are getting on yours. I would take a step back and let things cool off for a day or so. For both of you.

Post # 4
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

The bridesmaid’s job is to purchase the dress (after their budgets have been discussed) and show up clean & mostly sober, and smile for pictures.  That’s it.

Usually, bridesmaids are chosen because they are close personal friends and they choose to help the bride out with DIY’s and dress shopping, etc. 

Bridal showers and bach parties are thrown in honor of the bride.  They are not required either, but the family or the bridal party often choose to host one or both of these. 

Post # 5
Member
12955 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree that they should be working on the shower, but it does seem like you’re expecting a lot of them.  Like PP said, their job is to stand beside you and support you at the wedding.  BMs aren’t slaves, and their job most certainly isn’t making your DIY centerpieces.  It would have been nice for them to help out, but definitely above and beyond what is expected of them. 

Maybe you should talk to them about how important the shower is to you and how guests are beginning to ask about it.  But definitely step back a little and let everyone take a break; like @TopazWedding said, it sounds like you may be getting on their nerves, just like they seem to be on yours.   

Post # 6
Member
21 posts
Newbee

yeah, I don’t think bridemaids have actual ‘jobs’ they should do other then be there on your wedding day..

I found that some of my bridesmaids are more involved than others mainly becasue they have asked me if i need anything doing or when i’ve said something they have taken it upon themselves to help out.. i’ve known one of my bridemaids for about 22 years and she hasn’t involved herself at all, which is cool with me, she’s got her own life to be getting one with.. but there are others that i’ll talk to and ask for advice about stuff becasue i know they don’t mind. Although i do try not to talk about it everytime i speak to them, the world revolves around my wedding for me at the moment but it’s not like that for everyone haha

everyone is going to have opinions about whatever you decide to do anyway, some people voice them and others don’t.. don’t let that get in the way of your friendship though.. i’ve had similar problems from one of my bridesmaids telling me what i should and shouldn’t be doing but you know, i just think she’s trying to help me make the day perfect by giving her ideas (even if she does tell me them in a sometimes rude manner) 🙂

Post # 7
Member
2708 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@DaneLady:  The bridesmaid’s job is to purchase the dress (after their budgets have been discussed) and show up clean & mostly sober, and smile for pictures.  That’s it.

Usually, bridesmaids are chosen because they are close personal friends and they choose to help the bride out with DIY’s and dress shopping, etc. 

Bridal showers and bach parties are thrown in honor of the bride.  They are not required either, but the family or the bridal party often choose to host one or both of these.


This ^^.  Those are the only jobs a bridesmaid has.  Parties are a nice extra, but they are not mandatory.  If your bridesmaids aren’t going to throw you a shower, just let your family know that no one has offered to throw you one yet and then maybe they will decide to throw one for you.

If you are going to require specific make-up and hair then you need to pay for it.  Also, while I can imagine it’s super annoying to have some second guess all of your decisions, perhaps your Maid/Matron of Honor is just looking out for you and trying to make sure you don’t do anything that’s rude or tacky.

As PP’s suggested, take a step back.  Maybe you could have a girls’ day with no wedding talk and just get back to being friends. =) 

Post # 9
Member
6021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

wow i am surprised at the responses so far. my idea of being a bridesmaid is that you are to be there for crucial weddign planning activities if invited by the bride. meaning dress fittings, shopping for dresses for bm’s, bachelorette party if one is planned, and to help with things the bride asks. not in a slave way but because not only are you there to support he marriage itself but also the wedding and all that goes into it. I do not think its just about standing next to the couple on the day of the wedding. I dont think its fair to just hand out tasks as a bride but whenever I have been a bridesmaid I have always done all of these things. Also the parties, like a shower and a bachelorette party have always been planned by the MOHmother of the bride sometimes both and always with help from the girls in the party. Maybe this is just in my circle of friends and family but this has become the norm.

Post # 10
Member
6021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

i also wanted to add that almost every time i have been in a wedding the bride has either just let us handle our own hair and make up and made it clear it was not something she would be involved in or has offered up the service with her make uphair people if we chose to but didnt make it a requirement.

Post # 12
Member
6021 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I dont think that you are being unreasonable. Im obviously in the minority here with that opinion lol but i really feel like especially as a Maid/Matron of Honor in a wedding its your job to help out the most, not only on the day of but in the months and weeks leading up to the big day. I also feel like its right for her to be honest with her opinions but to also know that its ultimately your wedding and along with being honest she should be supportive even if your choices wouldnt necessarily be the ones she would make. i would just sit down with them or email with them or call or something and just talk about what your expectations were. Not in a demanding way but more to get everyone on the same page.

Post # 14
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m with the previous poster…. I think officially their only real job is to dress up, show up, and smile. I don’t think that should be their only involvement. Usually these people are your friends, and should have some interest in what’s going on in your wedding. If nothing else “Hey Bridesmaid or Best Man #4, I know you’re good with color. Which of these swatches do you like better?” I don’t mean “BM#2, why didn’t you report to my house? You couldn’t take an HOUR off work?!” but just some interest in helping you as your friend.

 

Also, your Maid/Matron of Honor sounds very….vocal?

Post # 16
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I believe that being a bridesmaid is an honor and should be treated like one. That doesn’t mean dropping everything when a bride calls, but it certainly means being supportive. As far as the hair and makeup, many a bride has had to adjust her expectations and it seems like you have.

From your post, it looks like only one bridesmaid has helped with anything and they all made dress shopping a chore. Why was Maid/Matron of Honor so worked up about your dress? I’m not seeing a huge demand on their time, and you’ve cushioned the monetary blow by helping with dresses and covering jewelry.

Regardless of a person’s position in a bridal party or relation to the happy couple, nobody should be calling anyone else’s wedding plans “tacky”. So I’m pretty suprised to see so many posters ignoring that kind of behavior when they regularly condemn it in other posts. I’m not going to give person a pass on rudeness just because her only “job” is getting a dress and showing up on the day.

OP, it sounds like you and Maid/Matron of Honor have different expectations. Maybe you should talk about how she sees her role, and what she feels she is capable of. If it differs, you can adjust your expectations of her and maybe call on family and more reliable friends. Also, you might ask about what she will be expecting of her own Maid/Matron of Honor since she is recently engaged. If her expectations for her own wedding party far exceed what you’re asking for, maybe it’s just that her interests are elsewhere.

The topic ‘what the heck’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors